Hamsters can be very versatile

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Asuka, Mar 29, 2003.

  1. Asuka

    Asuka BANNED

    Anyone who has ever played Maniac mansion knows that Hamsters can be very versatile, e.g. for putting them into the microwave :eek:

    Two guys from LA have now found quite another use for their hamster: (a true story from the LA Times)

    "When I look back, the biggest mistake was to light the match. But I just wanted to get back my hamster," Eric Tomszewski explained to the amused doctors of the Salt Lake City Hospital, department for seriuos burns. Tomaszewski and his gay partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnom wre delivered here for first aid after a very special intimate session, during which some things went very wrong.
    "I did shove a paper tube up his ass, and then I let Raggot, our hamster, crawl into that tube", he explained. "As usual, Kiki screamed 'Armageddon', which was the sign that he had enough. I tried to get back Raggot, but he didn't want to come back out, so I did light a match and peered into the tube, because I thought the light would attract him."
    During a press conference which was quickly called together, a representant of the hospital described what happened next. "The match set a gas bubble in the inside of the tube aflame which made a flame shot out from the tube, burning Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and face. Also, the fur and the whiskers of the hamster catched fire and caused in turn the incension of another, much bigger gas bubble further down the tube. This again did shoot the hamster from the tube like a cannon ball."
    Tomaszewski did suffer 2nd degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the hamster, while Farnom suffered first and second degree burns on his anus and at the end of his intestines.


    The most disturbing facts from this story:

    "I did shove a paper tube up his ass." Good start.

    "As usual, Kiki screamed 'Armageddon'. " - Sounds like they do this frequently :wtf:

    "...do I did light a match and peered into the tube." - Oh please, that would be like using a telescope to look right into hell! I'd rather look straight into the sun using binoculars.

    The poor hamster (which quite apparently had a very low self esteem) is fired from that guy's ass like Rocky the flying squirrel!

    To get a broken nose from a hamster that is fired from someone else's ass. I can only guess, but I'd say that the hamster wasn't quite new anymore after that trip to Kikki's "Tunnel of Love" :duh:

    Guys that have huge vulcan-like gas bubbles in them.

    "First and second degree burns on his anus." Doesn't that make the itching and the other inconveniences of hemorrhoids feel like a welcome relaxation? How can you still visit the porcellaine god with such burns? Also, the smell of "burned anus" is certainly one of the 5 most terrible smells on the earth :dead:

    Guys who call themselves "Kiki", which is apparently polynesian slang for "braindead morons who stuff rodents up their ass."

    Hospitals who especially hold a press conference for such a thing :hmm:

    Guys who do this and then even *admit* that they did it! Sorry, but I'd rather come up with a fairy tale of some wandering pyromanic analsex horde of pygmees which broke into my house and then anally raped me with a piece of red-hot charcoal before I'd confess the truth. Call me anything you want, but I really can't imagine telling the doctor, "You know, we have this hamster called Raggot, and then we took a paper tube ..." Much less still I could imagine even doing *anything* that goes even remotely into the direction of what these guys did! :hmm:
  2. tragic

    tragic New Member

    :duh: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  3. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

    Two gay guys with a hamster called raggot. I smell something fishy, wait no that's singed pubic hair.
  4. shuki

    shuki New Member

    made up or true that was HILLARIOUS!!!

    anyone have the link to the article in the LA times?
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2003
  5. shai

    shai Banned

    looks like they copied what happend in southpark with mister slave
    and mister garrison
  6. NaumoJR

    NaumoJR Paranoid Android

  7. Asuka

    Asuka BANNED

    Originally posted by shuki
    made up or true that was HILLARIOUS!!!

    As I said, it's a true story. The truth is sometimes more weird than any fiction... :duh:

    anyone have the link to the article in the LA times?

    Sadly not... got it a short time ago from another forum.
  8. shai

    shai Banned

    im not saying its not real im just saying they did the same thing in southpark
    exept they didnt use fire
  9. shuki

    shuki New Member


    poor little raggot just moments before...:hmm:
  10. toddsmack2k

    toddsmack2k It Never.....

    OMG!!!! That was freakin hilarious! Nice pic to remeber him by shuki:tears: :D :D
  11. HardwareHeaven

    HardwareHeaven Administrator Staff Member

    to boldy go where no rodent has gone before.........
  12. Asuka

    Asuka BANNED

    Originally posted by Zardon
    to boldy go where no rodent has gone before.........

    Well, he didn't quite reach warp speed when being fired from that paper tube, but imagine what would've happened if he *did* - instead of a broken nose, the guy would've got a fricken big hole in his face :hmm:
    Also, there would've been a great sensation in the news: "Finally evidence for life on the Mars! Scientists found now a life form that looks similar to a burnt hamster sticking in the Mars surface with its front half. They can't yet explain where it appeared from all this sudden, but they are sure that there must be more of them. A special department of the Nasa is already setting up plans for a First Contact with this exciting new species." :lol:
  13. DriveEuro

    DriveEuro New Member

    Anyone seen the Southpark episode with TiddlyWinks?
  14. The_Neon_Cowboy

    The_Neon_Cowboy New Member

    and would never want to go again ...... :D
  15. Vampyromaniac

    Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis

    do a search for "armageddon.wav"
  16. Dom

    Dom New Member

    Yup, this is a pretty old story. I first heard it on another forum about 2yrs ago. Still funny though and a good refresh for me and everyone whos never heard this story before. Make sure you get the audio file for this, much funnier.
  17. Asuka

    Asuka BANNED

    Originally posted by Vampyromaniac
    do a search for "armageddon.wav"

    Looking for "armageddon.wav" on Kazaa gives me countless hits with "armageddon" in the name, but no "armageddon.wav" :mad:
    Anywhere else where I could find it?
  18. Vampyromaniac

    Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis


  19. The_Neon_Cowboy

    The_Neon_Cowboy New Member

    there was evan a simular epasode of bevis and buthead :D

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