Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    I can't seem to agree with my girlfriend on where to go for the vacation. I want to go to Ibiza, she wants to go with me.
     
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  2. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A young fella was watching his mom as she was applying cold cream to her face.

    "Momma, why are you putting that stuff on your face?" he asked.

    "I'm trying to be beautiful," she answered.

    So, he kept watching and in a few moments she started taking tissues and wiping it all off.

    "Whatsamatter?" he started. "Are you giving up?"
     
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  3. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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  4. BarneyJ

    BarneyJ New Member

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    A fairytale about compromise.
    I wanted to go for vacation to Apls for skiing, my wife - to Egypt. So we bought tickets to Egypts and I was allowed to take skies with me.
     
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  5. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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  6. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    So, how's your sex life?
    - Like Coca Cola.
    Sweet?
    - No, at first it was regular, then light and now zero.
     
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  7. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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  8. Takaharu

    Takaharu Unus offa, unus iuguolo

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    They say if you squirt ketchup into your eyes you can see into the past.

    Heinz sight
     
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  9. Takaharu

    Takaharu Unus offa, unus iuguolo

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    Doomsday farts: when your guts decide "Armageddon outtahere"
     
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  10. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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    Why did the programmer quit his job? Cause he didn't get arrays.
     
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  11. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Sensei, when is a man truly rich?
    - When one acquires the intangible wealth of the invisible world surrounding us.
    - Love, truth and inner peace?
    - Bitcoin.
     
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  12. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A man was visiting his daughter and commented, "I need to borrow a newspaper."
    "Dad," the daughter replied, "this is the 21st century! We don't waste money on newspapers these days. Just use my iPad!"

    I'll tell you this much: That fly never knew what hit him!
     
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  13. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    I have gone on a journey of self discovery. If you see me before I return, hold me!
     
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  14. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A college girl went on a blind date.
    Her roommate asked her how was her date.
    "Terrible!" she replied.
    "What was so bad about it?" the roommate asked.
    "He showed up driving a 1932 Rolls Royce," she answered.
    "Girl! That's a very expensive car! What was so bad about?"
    "He's the original owner," she answered.
     
  15. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A cop was sent to check out a domestic problem. Upon arrival he found an elderly man shot dead at the kitchen door.
    Across the kitchen he saw an elderly woman with a mop in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
    "What happened here, ma'am?" he inquired.
    "I just mopped this floor and he was about to walk on it so I shot him!" she replied.
    So, the cop radioed dispatch to inform the captain as to what had happened.
    "Well, have you arrested her, yet?" the captain asked.
    "No, sir," the cop replied. "The floor's still wet."
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2017
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  16. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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  17. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A neighbor went up the street to pay a visit.
    After she walked in the door, the little tyke that lived there started following her with his eyes...to the point of staring.
    "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.
    "I'm trying to see your trap," he replied.
    "My trap? What trap?" she asked.
    "My daddy says you can't keep your trap shut," he answered.
     
  18. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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  19. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
     
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  20. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    How much does a Hipster weigh?


    ... an Instagram
     

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