Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    That's a good one, hipsters with their instagrams! (just don't tell anyone I have an account too, I promise I am not a hipster!)
     
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  2. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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    Could you imagine a Facebook that was just books of faces? Or even worse faces of books? :)
     
  3. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    That sounds good to me.
     
  4. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A woman called pest control to complain that there was a skunk in her basement.

    "Just drop a trail of bread crumbs from the basement to the back yard," the expert pest controller advised.

    About an hour later, she call again. This time, to complain that NOW there were TWO skunks in her basement.
     
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  5. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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    Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
     
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  6. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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  7. daithompson

    daithompson New Member

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    The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

    James Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion
     
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  8. daithompson

    daithompson New Member

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    I absolutely adore this quote. Brilliant,. but whether society views it this way is a topic for discussion.
     
  9. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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  10. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    A few years ago I was at a party and it was already pretty late at night when a friend, who was 18 or 19 at the time, asked if she could borrow my phone to tell her mom that she would come home soon because her battery had ran out, so, of course, I gave it to her. Not much later, I had gone home myself and immediately went to bed. I was barely asleep when the phone woke me up, though. I saw an unknown number, but decided to answer anyway. A female voice asked if I knew where Tamara (my sister) was, as she couldn't be reached on her cell and she called from my number earlier that night. I asked if she was sure that it was from my number and when the person whom I assumed to be her friend insisted that she did I said: "Well, I don't know when she called you, but she is here and she's asleep." "Oh... Um... Okay... Okay, sorry to bother you.", she answered, so we finished the conversation and I went to bed and then the penny dropped: the young girl's name was also Tamara and that was her mom on the phone. I immediately called the woman, explained the mix-up to her, apologized and reassured her that her daughter should be home any minute.

    Not a joke, but it's kind of the reversal of the one posted above, and it still gives me a bit of a laugh when I remember how shocked the poor woman was when I told her that Tamara was "here, asleep". :D
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2017
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  11. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    I drove the shuttle at work, today. I had to take one customer up past Shane's Rib Shack.
    I mentioned how much I like eating there and how much I like their Half Smoked Chicken.
    But, I explained, I can never eat the whole chicken.
    Why?
    .
    .
    .
    Because it's only half.

    [OK, I admit it. I made this one up. ;) ]
     
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  13. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    It has the new joke aroma, I like it.
     
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  14. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    When I was a youngster, I enjoyed watching the variety shows on TV....things like Jack Benny, Red Skelton, George & Gracy, Ed Sullivan, etc. I believe it was on the Jack Benny Show that George Jessel did this routine....

    He and some of his Jewish brethren were eating at a Chinese restaurant in Manhattan. The subject came up that, in their travels, they had encountered Polish Jews, German Jews, French Jews, American Jews...etc. But, neither of them had ever encountered a Chinese Jew.

    So, George entreated their Chinese waiter and asked, "Do you know if you have any Chinese Jews?"

    The waiter replied, "One moment, please," and retreated to the kitchen.

    Upon his return he promptly stated, "Sirs, the cook say we have Apple Juice, Grape Juice, Orange Juice, but, so sorry, no Chinese Juice."

    NOTE: More about George Jessel..

    http://www.nytimes.com/1981/05/26/o...median-dead-known-as-toastmaster-general.html
     
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  15. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    That reminded me of this pic:

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    Since my main job where I work now is as a Valet, we take care of customers' cars as they come into the drive and then park them out back until the work is finished and then bring them back up to the drive for them to take from there.

    The other day, one of my co-workers stop me as I was walking across the parking lot and asked, "Have you been busy, today?"

    I replied, "Well, you know, it comes and goes; it comes in up there [pointing to the entrance] and goes out back there [pointing to the exit.}"
     
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  17. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids, 5 boys and 5 girls!

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    A husband and wife were traveling through Mississippi and approaching a town that they could not agree on how to pronounce. It caused quite an argument between the two.
    So, when they arrived at the town, the husband pulled into a parking lot and he and his wife entered the establishment.
    Approaching the lady there, he stated, "I would like for you to say the name of this place. But, say it real slow so that my wife can understand it."
    Eager to comply, she leaned forward and slowly said, "Buuuurrrr----geeeeerrrrr Kiiiiinnnng."
     
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  18. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    You know, when one door closes, another opens...
    - Yeah, I too once had a Yugo with that defect.
     
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  19. Calliers

    Calliers HH's Man In Black Staff Member

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    Guess what?

    Chicken butt.
     
  20. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    Butt of a joke.
     
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