Jehovah's Witness Repellent.

Dejitaru Shuurajo · Jun 1, 2002, 05:22 AM

I had two people from the Jehovah's Witnesses church come to my door again today. This is the 8th time someone from their church has come by trying to convert me. I have asked them politely and repeatedly not to solicit at my address. I even have put a sign in my front door that says, "No RELIGIOUS Solicitations Accepted". But it seems these people are either illiterate or think they have some "Divine Right" to annoy and harass others. So anyway when I answered the door and there they were, bibles in hand and big, glossy brochures. At first I was a little angry and wanted to just tell them off, but knowing that would probably be counter-productive because 1. I would still be pissed off. 2. The church would just send them back, eventually. So I thought for a few seconds and then BINGO! A perfect way to get the idea through their heads that while I respect their right to practice their beliefs, I am NOT interested. It was so simple. I invited them to come right in, that I was just about to download some Beastilality Porn while I waited for my connection to drop of an Eightball of Crack. Holy Shit Batman, I was I had've had a video camera rolling at that moment. I swear both their chins nearly bounced off the tongues of their shoes and their eyes opened so wide I thought surely they would pop. Completely red-faced and sweating profusely, they stumbled down my walkway yelling that my address was gonna be Blacklisted by their church because I am a DEMON here on earth.

Ijustwannaknow · Jun 1, 2002, 05:35 AM

i answered the door one day to, two female jehovah's witness with my penis in my hand and a playboy in the other and they still were trying to convert me.

Jeff · Jun 1, 2002, 05:51 PM

Well I think its enough to say, they avoid my house now........

skinlab · Jun 1, 2002, 10:59 PM

ive had that happen once, but they were not jehova's witnesses, i have no fuckin clue what they were. i told em god is dead, that i dont believe in him, and that they can continue on their way to salvation without me......

warrenpchi · Jun 1, 2002, 11:32 PM

I have two very natured "kids". And they are friendly to everyone - except Jehovah's Witnesses. One day (over a year ago), they came knocking. I answered the door with my two kids.

They tried to talk about the Watchtower or whatever but my two kids just kept yelling at them and wanting to jump at them. I had to hold them back before they broke through the screen door. The Jehovah's Witnesses left in quite a hurry. They haven't been back since.

BTW, did I mention that my two kids are a Rottweiler and a German Shepherd Mix? That might have helped a little.

It is said that dogs can inherently sense evil - I now know that to be true.

-Warren

Vaporizer · Jun 1, 2002, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by warrenpchi
I have two very natured "kids". And they are friendly to everyone - except Jehovah's Witnesses. One day (over a year ago), they came knocking. I answered the door with my two kids.

They tried to talk about the Watchtower or whatever but my two kids just kept yelling at them and wanting to jump at them. I had to hold them back before they broke through the screen door. The Jehovah's Witnesses left in quite a hurry. They haven't been back since.

BTW, did I mention that my two kids are a Rottweiler and a German Shepherd Mix? That might have helped a little.

It is said that dogs can inherently sense evil - I now know that to be true.

-Warren

hmm
What does your girlfriend look like

Ijustwannaknow · Jun 3, 2002, 03:31 AM

hehe some old lady here in florida a jehovah's witness went up to someones house and the guy had a rottwieler and it ripped her arm off.

JavaFox · Jun 3, 2002, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Vaporizer
hmm
What does your girlfriend look like

I'll bet she's a real bitch.

Heh heh heh. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Frodo301 · Jun 4, 2002, 01:00 AM

I clean my weapons anytime they come over and start to talk about my exploits in the military and how I'm considered unstable by the Veteran's Adminstration. Offer them some whisky or beer and burp loudly while acting that I'm going to puke. Worked really well as I've had no more knock at my door.

Malus · Jun 4, 2002, 01:13 AM

I ask them if they want to see the stuffed Girl Scout collection in my attic. Scares them away every time.

alewisa · Jun 4, 2002, 12:38 PM

Ask them how many times they have predicted the end of the world in Watchtwer; they'll say once. Apparently it's 18 times and counting, and they re-write 'their history' every time they are wrong.

Anyroad, I'm never lucky enough to be in when they come a knocking. Shame, as I'd enjoy it.

Ijustwannaknow · Jun 7, 2002, 03:26 PM

bahaahha

Greebo_x · Jun 7, 2002, 09:38 PM

My sister briefly dated a fellow in college who was in the U.S. Navy. At the time he lived (when off duty) in what used to be his parents' house in a mountainous part of Montana. His favorite activity, when he was on leave from the Navy, was to go deer hunting; he would simply strap on a backpack full of supplies and head out the door, into the mountains with his rifle until he would meet an "unfortunate Bambi". Once the deed was done, he would take the recently deceased animal, throw it over his shoulders (Did I mention that he was one rather BIG mutha??) and trudge back to his house where he would proceed to butcher the animal on the table in the back room.

Well, sure enough, one time he gets his 3 week leave and does his usual hunting activity. After 3 nights in the nearby woods, he finally bagged the deer not too far from his place and carried it home; he then immediately proceeded to start the butchering- after all, why clean up if you are about to get covered with blood? Fifteen minutes into the job, the doorbell rings and - you guessed it - two Jehovah's Wittnesses are greeted at the door by a man who is a) 6'4" of muscle, b) sporting a 3 day growth of beard, c) carrying a rather large Bowie knife in his hand, and d) covered with obviously fresh blood...

He said they didn't even TRY to give him any literature before they rather hurriedly left...

Jun 8, 2002, 08:18 AM

ive a picture of the lamers Reno and Javafox at my door, in their stockings and black lace panties caught in a lovers embrace .. it keeps everyone away, insurance salesmen, religious fanatics, everyone. only problem is if you forget when you leave the house yourself and look, you lose your breakfast. still its a small price to pay for a peaceful life.

if anyone wants to buy one for their door to get some peace you can buy them real cheap at http://www.uglydumbfagbastards.com only $2.

Rayder · Jun 11, 2002, 05:00 AM

If you want Jehovah's Witnesses to leave you alone, put a NO SOLICITORS sign on your front door. Believe me, it's supposed to work. By law(whether it's their law or the government's, I'm not sure), they aren't supposed to bang on yer door if ya got one of those on it.

Also carefully notice that their "Bible" is called "The Book of Holy Scriptures" because it's been altered to reflect their....odd beliefs. I say ODD because the only holiday they "officially" celebrate is the day Christ died, how's that for twisted?

They believe that only 144,000 people will be allowed in heaven, the rest will have everlasting life on earth. Yeah, we'd be packed like sardines.

Yes, I have family members that belong to that idiotic religion. They don't call their place of worship a church, they call it a "Kingdom Hall".....real awe-inspiring ain't it? I've been forced to go to their "meetings" or "book studies" when I was a kid. Everything is very monotone, including their 'so-called' music. No flashy ANYTHING in the place. They use cheesy, stackable, uncomfortable chairs to sit in.

I don't remember much more than that because I fell asleep within 5 minutes.

shuki · Jun 16, 2002, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Vaporizer
hmm
What does your girlfriend look like

lol

Jun 1, 2002, 05:22 AM	#1
Dejitaru Shuurajo Mystical Strippers Thong Join Date: May 2002 Location: Inside a Stripper's Panties Posts: 87 Rep Power: 0	Jehovah's Witness Repellent. I had two people from the Jehovah's Witnesses church come to my door again today. This is the 8th time someone from their church has come by trying to convert me. I have asked them politely and repeatedly not to solicit at my address. I even have put a sign in my front door that says, "No RELIGIOUS Solicitations Accepted". But it seems these people are either illiterate or think they have some "Divine Right" to annoy and harass others. So anyway when I answered the door and there they were, bibles in hand and big, glossy brochures. At first I was a little angry and wanted to just tell them off, but knowing that would probably be counter-productive because 1. I would still be pissed off. 2. The church would just send them back, eventually. So I thought for a few seconds and then BINGO! A perfect way to get the idea through their heads that while I respect their right to practice their beliefs, I am NOT interested. It was so simple. I invited them to come right in, that I was just about to download some Beastilality Porn while I waited for my connection to drop of an Eightball of Crack. Holy Shit Batman, I was I had've had a video camera rolling at that moment. I swear both their chins nearly bounced off the tongues of their shoes and their eyes opened so wide I thought surely they would pop. Completely red-faced and sweating profusely, they stumbled down my walkway yelling that my address was gonna be Blacklisted by their church because I am a DEMON here on earth. __________________ Proper previous preparation prevents piss poor performance, period.

Jun 1, 2002, 05:51 PM	#3
Jeff Yarr... I be blind! Join Date: May 2002 Location: Calgary, Canada Posts: 3,191 Rep Power: 80	Well I think its enough to say, they avoid my house now........ __________________

Jun 1, 2002, 10:59 PM	#4
skinlab Got Satan? Join Date: May 2002 Location: was in Canada, now in UAE Posts: 286 Rep Power: 0	ive had that happen once, but they were not jehova's witnesses, i have no fuckin clue what they were. i told em god is dead, that i dont believe in him, and that they can continue on their way to salvation without me...... __________________ Religion is the opiate of the masses - Marx God is dead - Nietzsche X-pider2 + Enermax 465 / P4P800-DX / 2.6C@3.25 / 1GIG XMS 4000PT/ R9800PRO / Audigy2 ZS / 80gig WD SE + 160gig Maxtor SE + 200gig Maxtor PS3100 External / Plextor Premium + BenQ DW1640 / other stuff

Jun 1, 2002, 11:32 PM	#5
warrenpchi DriverHeaven Newbie Join Date: May 2002 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 12 Rep Power: 0	Seems to do the trick... I have two very natured "kids". And they are friendly to everyone - except Jehovah's Witnesses. One day (over a year ago), they came knocking. I answered the door with my two kids. They tried to talk about the Watchtower or whatever but my two kids just kept yelling at them and wanting to jump at them. I had to hold them back before they broke through the screen door. The Jehovah's Witnesses left in quite a hurry. They haven't been back since. BTW, did I mention that my two kids are a Rottweiler and a German Shepherd Mix? That might have helped a little. It is said that dogs can inherently sense evil - I now know that to be true. -Warren __________________ BPG_folding 1 of 4 (Team Rage3D) —· ···— ·· —·· ·· ·— ··· ··— —··— "Glory be, the fold's on me!" —· ···— ·· —·· ·· ·— ··· ··— —··— Dual AthlonMP 2000+/Tyan S2466-4M/512 MB/TNT2 (Generic) Dual Athlon 1.3Mhz/Tyan S2460/512 MB/Radeon 64MB ViVo Dual Pentium III 700 @ 968/Abit VP6/2.0 GB/Matrox G550 Duron 1.0Ghz/Gigabyte GA-71XEH/1.0 GB/TNT2 (Leadtek) Dual Celeron 366 @ 522/Abit BP6/256 MB/Voodoo Banshee

Jun 4, 2002, 01:00 AM	#9
Frodo301 Outraged Join Date: May 2002 Location: The mountains Posts: 584 Rep Power: 0	I clean my weapons anytime they come over and start to talk about my exploits in the military and how I'm considered unstable by the Veteran's Adminstration. Offer them some whisky or beer and burp loudly while acting that I'm going to puke. Worked really well as I've had no more knock at my door. __________________ The greatest thing you'll every learn is to love, and be loved in return.

Jun 1, 2002, 05:35 AM	#2
Ijustwannaknow Driverheaven Senior Membe Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 241 Rep Power: 0	i answered the door one day to, two female jehovah's witness with my penis in my hand and a playboy in the other and they still were trying to convert me.

Jun 3, 2002, 03:31 AM	#7
Ijustwannaknow Driverheaven Senior Membe Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 241 Rep Power: 0	hehe some old lady here in florida a jehovah's witness went up to someones house and the guy had a rottwieler and it ripped her arm off.

Jun 4, 2002, 01:13 AM	#10
Malus BSD SMASH! Join Date: May 2002 Location: A rabbit hole. . . Posts: 1,170 Rep Power: 0	I ask them if they want to see the stuffed Girl Scout collection in my attic. Scares them away every time. __________________ quad (FreeBSD/amd64 8-CURRENT): Intel Q6600 - Asus P5E-VM HDMI - 2x2 GB Kingston PC6400 DDR2 Ram - Seagate 320GB 7200RPM HD - 2xSeagate 1TB 7200RPM HD in RAID 1 via ZFS - Lite-On 20x DVD Multi Recorder - Coolermaster Centurion 5 router (FreeBSD/amd64 8-CURRENT): Intel E4500 - Intel D945GCNL - 2 GB PC6400 Mushkin Ram - Lite-On 48x24x48x16 - Seagate 320GB 7200RPM HD - Silverstone SST-SG02-F wanderer (FreeBSD/i386 7-CURRENT): Lenovo Thinkpad T61p mini (OS X 10.5): Intel Core 2 Duo @ 1.8Ghz, 4 GB Mushkin PC5400 Ram - Headroom MicroDAC Portable sound: Rockboxed iPod Video -> Westone UM2's Not-So-Portable Sound: Headroon MicroDAC -> Singlepower PPX3-SLAM -> Grado RS-1's or Beyerdynamic DT-880's Very-Not-Portable-Sound: Squeezebox v3 -> Denon AVR-1507 -> B&W 683's & Sunfire HRS-10

Jun 4, 2002, 12:38 PM	#11
alewisa DriverHeaven Addict Join Date: May 2002 Location: Kendal, UK Posts: 260 Rep Power: 0	Ask them how many times they have predicted the end of the world in Watchtwer; they'll say once. Apparently it's 18 times and counting, and they re-write 'their history' every time they are wrong. Anyroad, I'm never lucky enough to be in when they come a knocking. Shame, as I'd enjoy it. __________________ TRS-80, dual 5.25", 32K C-64 o/c to 2Mhz, 1541 with PhantomDOS Amiga 4000/040@66Mhz, C64-3D, 64mb, 4.3gb SCSI Netware 4.11 And too many damn PC's to care!

Jun 7, 2002, 03:26 PM	#12
Ijustwannaknow Driverheaven Senior Membe Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 241 Rep Power: 0	bahaahha

Jun 7, 2002, 09:38 PM	#13
Greebo_x Keeper of Obscure Knowledge Join Date: May 2002 Location: Palo Alto, CA Posts: 91 Rep Power: 0	The best story I've heard... My sister briefly dated a fellow in college who was in the U.S. Navy. At the time he lived (when off duty) in what used to be his parents' house in a mountainous part of Montana. His favorite activity, when he was on leave from the Navy, was to go deer hunting; he would simply strap on a backpack full of supplies and head out the door, into the mountains with his rifle until he would meet an "unfortunate Bambi". Once the deed was done, he would take the recently deceased animal, throw it over his shoulders (Did I mention that he was one rather BIG mutha??) and trudge back to his house where he would proceed to butcher the animal on the table in the back room. Well, sure enough, one time he gets his 3 week leave and does his usual hunting activity. After 3 nights in the nearby woods, he finally bagged the deer not too far from his place and carried it home; he then immediately proceeded to start the butchering- after all, why clean up if you are about to get covered with blood? Fifteen minutes into the job, the doorbell rings and - you guessed it - two Jehovah's Wittnesses are greeted at the door by a man who is a) 6'4" of muscle, b) sporting a 3 day growth of beard, c) carrying a rather large Bowie knife in his hand, and d) covered with obviously fresh blood... He said they didn't even TRY to give him any literature before they rather hurriedly left... __________________ ============================= Athlon XP1700+ CPU SiS730s based PCChips M810lmr v7.0a MoBo ATI All-In-Wonder 8500dv Win2kPro

Jun 8, 2002, 08:18 AM	#14
Billy Guest Posts: n/a	ive a picture of the lamers Reno and Javafox at my door, in their stockings and black lace panties caught in a lovers embrace .. it keeps everyone away, insurance salesmen, religious fanatics, everyone. only problem is if you forget when you leave the house yourself and look, you lose your breakfast. still its a small price to pay for a peaceful life. if anyone wants to buy one for their door to get some peace you can buy them real cheap at http://www.uglydumbfagbastards.com only $2.

Jun 11, 2002, 05:00 AM	#15
Rayder Mostly lurking lately.... Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 2,161 Rep Power: 73	If you want Jehovah's Witnesses to leave you alone, put a NO SOLICITORS sign on your front door. Believe me, it's supposed to work. By law(whether it's their law or the government's, I'm not sure), they aren't supposed to bang on yer door if ya got one of those on it. Also carefully notice that their "Bible" is called "The Book of Holy Scriptures" because it's been altered to reflect their....odd beliefs. I say ODD because the only holiday they "officially" celebrate is the day Christ died, how's that for twisted? They believe that only 144,000 people will be allowed in heaven, the rest will have everlasting life on earth. Yeah, we'd be packed like sardines. Yes, I have family members that belong to that idiotic religion. They don't call their place of worship a church, they call it a "Kingdom Hall".....real awe-inspiring ain't it? I've been forced to go to their "meetings" or "book studies" when I was a kid. Everything is very monotone, including their 'so-called' music. No flashy ANYTHING in the place. They use cheesy, stackable, uncomfortable chairs to sit in. I don't remember much more than that because I fell asleep within 5 minutes.