JavaFox

Why is it I am expected to be a psychic?

This guy just came in and asked me what motherboard he'd need to run an Athlon XP.

So I says, "Oh, anything KT266 or KT333 based." If you want to get technical, KT133A, SIS735, ALi Magik 1... but I digress. I keep it simple.

Long pause.

"Do you think my board will take a new processor?"

Long pause.

I answer, "What kind of board is it?"

Long pause.

"Model?"

He doesn't know.

"Chipset?" I ask, hopefully.

He doesn't know.

"Can it do the 266MHz bus?"

He doesn't know.

[SIZE=x-large]I DON'T KNOW EITHER, THEN!!!!!![/SIZE]

JavaFox

Here's another common one:

[CUSTOMER] I need some more RAM.
[ME] Okay... how much?
[CUSTOMER] 120K.
[ME] 128 Meg'?
[CUSTOMER] Yes.

*crickets*

[ME] What speed?
[CUSTOMER] What?
[ME] The RAM -- what speed?
[CUSTOMER] Shit, I don't know...

*pause*

[CUSTOMER] I bought it last year...
[ME] Do you know what processor you're running? I can make a guess based on that...
[CUSOMTER] No...
[ME] What kind of computer is it?
[CUSTOMER] Compaq.
[ME] Okay, do you know the model number? I can look it up onl--
[CUSTOMER] No.
[ME] Well, let's see...
[CUSOMTER] No.

And then I kill them all.

UberLord

What really irks me is that my local game sells Hercules Prophet 4500's (Kyro based).
Out of sheer curiosity, I walked in and quizzed him about it (pretending I was a clueless idiot of course) and he assured me that it was the latest Voodoo card.

I then asked him why it was about £40 cheaper than the V5000 gathering dust on the top shelf. I can't remember his answer has he quickly turned into a gibbering idiot

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digitalwanderer

Whenever I'm having a real bad day/in a bad mood/feeling evil I take the daughter to the local Circuit City and act like a noob looking for their first box. What makes it extry fun for me is letting my 2 year old daughter pound the hell out of all the boxes we look at while the salesman tries like hell to pretend not to get annoyed while I keep asking 'innocent' questions that force him to make up some fast BS to pretend he knows about PCs.

I haven't done it in a while, I wonder what would happen now that my daughter can actually use the mouse and likes to open things. ("Can you find the device manager honey? Good! Now can you find the delete key? Good!" )

I know it's petty and silly, but I've never quite forgave that place for selling me my Packard Bell P60 socket4! ("Oh yes sir, you can upgrade the processor later with any of the current processors...." )

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who gets sadistic pleasure out of torturing the evil pc salesmen!

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WTF is up with the sigs?

Ikarus

One year ago a big german pcmagazin asked big computer stors. some of the anserwers were:
pcmag:what is burn-proof?
store:you can play durling you burn and your pc is faster...

pcmag:which of the graphicscard is the best?
store:we have ONLY the best graphicscards...you can take this [pause] geforce2...or this tnt2...they are the same.....

pcmag:what is the diffrent betwenn a "normal" printer and a laser printer?`
store:can you explain what you mean??

also we in germany have a lot of stupid salesman....in our local pcstore are the prices very high and they DON'T know anything about pcs.....

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Sorry for my bad english!!!

Silentst2000

I got 40 gigs of memory.

Only 512k of data though.

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P4@2.4ghz
Radeon 9700pro
DDR 400
Nuff said

Ryoko

customer: "i want to upgrade my memory"
me: "how much would you like?"
customer: "i'm looking for a 60gb memory"
me: "what kind of computer do you have?"
customer: "packard bell"
me: "you won't be able to put any larger than an 8gb hard drive in that"
customer: "i want memory, not a hard drive"
me: "the best computer nowadays only supports as much as 4GB memory"
customer: "then why do they have 100gb memory out?"
me: "those are hard drives"
customer: "........"
me: "........"
customer: "i'd like to speak to your supervisor."
me: *points* "he's in that office"

Judas

uh yes...the idiot customerz and idiot salesmen.....sad really....

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reno

I like to order from mom and pops stores as much as possible, just because you spend 20 bucks more isn't a reason to put poor geeks out of a job by buying online, but when you get the idiot kid that thinks he knows everything it's worth jabbing him.

This is a purchase I wanted to make on monday that eventually had to be ordered by them, all in the name of supporting the local economy.

<me> Hi, I'd like to know if you have any 80GB harddrives available
<kid> Nope, only 20, 30, and 40, but we're ordering some 80s today.
<me> Okay, I'd like to place an order for a Western Digital 80GB
<kid> Sure, 7200rpm?
<me> Yes, and could you order the special edition drive with the 8mb cache?
<kid> Well, IDE drives can't have larger than 2mb caches.
<me> Oh? Why is that?
<kid> The controller chip (oooh! technical jargon -ed.) on an ATA100 capable drive (specification jargon to confuse me! -ed.) can't address memory over 2mb. It's a technical limitation.
<me> So Western Digital sells no 8mb cache drives?
<kid> Well...only on their new 120GB drive, but I believe that's only ATA133 capable so you'll need to buy a new controller.
<me> Gee...I feel misled, I could have sworn WD sold an 80GB drive with an 8mb cache...
<kid> Not that I've heard of, would you like the 2mb version for 149 dollars?
<me> ...no...maybe you could do a search online?
<kid> Sir, there is no such thing as the drive you want.
<me> Humor me, search for "WD800JB" and see what you get.
<kid> *groans* Alright *waits* Okay, there is an 80GB version, but that can only be a SCSI drive.
<me> I'm pretty sure it's not, go to westerndigital.com.
<kid> Sir, do you want the 2mb version or not?
<me> Sir, do you want a customer or not?
<kid> Let me go get the owner, SIR.
<me> *waits*
<manager> Sorry about that, you wanted the WD800JB right?
<me> Yes
<manager> Alright, 159 dollars, and sorry about that again, he usually just installs software
<me> Well, that's fine, just make sure he doesn't do that to anyone else, haha
<manager> Yeah...alright I placed the order, should be here wednesday, UPS delivers after 9am.
<me> Thank you.

Kids are dumb.

JavaFox

I have been to many a computer shop where the workers know next to nothing. I'm surprised they can dress themselves in the morning.

The store I work at is not that kind of shop.

Most annoying to me is when customers come in and as for a) bogus products or b) products that a PC shop would not normally carry.

These are real examples:
[CUSTOMER] Do you have GeForce5s?
[ME] ... no...
[CUSTOMER] Are they out yet?
[ME] ... no...
[CUSTOMER] When will you get them?
[ME] There is no such thing as a GeForce5; NVDA is dropping the GeForce name.
[CUSTOMER] *rolls eyes* I saw it in Maximum PC, blah blah...
[ME] I think you may be confused.

[CUSTOMER] Excuse me, do you have any StrongArm processors?
[ME] *harshly* No.

[CUSTOMER] I'm looking for a dual P4 board...
[ME] Good luck, there is no such thing.
[CUSTOMER] *incredulous* No such thing?
[ME] Not to my knowledge. I keep pretty up to date with thing sort of thin--
[CUSTOMER] Abit has one.
[ME] Really?
[CUSTOMER] Yes, I forget the model number.
[ME] Perhaps you are referring to a dual Xeon board?
[CUSTOMER] Nope, dual P4..
[ME] Well, let me check it out... *goes to shitty Abit website*
* Customer leaves.

Judas

hey....abit's website is quite nicely laid out...... And have good boards... *is offended*

oh..and to the part were KIDS ARE DUMB.....reno.....please..... be more specific because i know that i'm not dumb....just still stupid......but consitantly advanceing...

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reno

Kids are not "dumb" per se, but they are...

Inexperienced in general
Immoral
Self important
Limited in their capabilities to lift extremely heavy objects
Sexually inexperienced
Emotionally confused
Hormonally challenged
Uncompletely edjumacated
"Always right"
Hard of hearing (if they are at all popular)
Hard of speaking (if they are at all druggies)
Generally shorter
Apathetic
Lazy
Misinformed
Maladjusted to adult society
Offenensive to old geezers
Intolerable to young adults
Not understandable by the middle aged
Unable to purchase beer
Unable to purchase cigarettes
Unable to purchase porn
Unable to sign legitamate legal documents
Unable to take out a loan
Unable to win the lottery
Unable to buy a gun
Unable to be charged as an adult
Unable to drive in Germany
Unable to legally obtain credit cards singly
Unable to fully understand the theory of quantum entaglement
Unable to sign up for selective services
Unable to frequent strip clubs
Unable to buy a car alone
Unable to buy a house alone
Unable to legally click the "I am over 18" button on porn sites
Unable to have sex legally
Unable to work past 12:00 pm during school weeks
Unable to work over 20 hours during school weeks
Unable to get married in some states
And last but not least...

dumb.

Well most are dumb, some are okay. Judas is not dumb, although the biblical Judas wasn't too bright.

Judas

I could agrue the above.. 20 hours a week...durring a school week....i've even challenged that and broke it..... plus the past 12:00pm ....seeing as that's dinner time..maybe 12:00am...yes, i've pasted that by a good margine of 4 hours... purchase some of the stuff...hey, you didn' say legally.. and i betcha i could lift more then you.....although that's fairly stupid seeing as theres a good chance that you may be able to do better.....
Bibically.....yes i'm stupid and don't really care about it.....

I'm extremly stupid at a pile of things....however, the way i look at something i've been told to be very wise... but there are times when you and everyone else will fall under that list quite a few times during there life....above... "dumb kids"

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JavaFox

This just happened.

* CUSTOMER walks in.
[CUSTOMER] I want a custom built computer.
[ME] Okay..
[CUSOMTER] What's the fastest processor out right now?
[ME] The P4 2.53GHz, I suppose --
[CUSTOMER] Okay, that. Do me up a quote for a system, I'm going to get a haircut--
* CUSTOMER leaves.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Onde Pik

Hehe I have a small story about a salesman.
Network Interface Cards

ME: Hello I need 2 100Mbit NIC's please.
HE: Ehhh, NIC??
ME: Network Interface Card.
HE: Oh you want a net-card.
ME: Yup... only two.
HE: Two what?
ME: Two 'net-cards'.
HE: Oh yeah ofcource, one moment please.
<He goes back behind the counter to retrive the NIC's and I ask.>
ME: How much are they??
HE: 250.- each.(about $30)
ME: WHAT?? You are kidding right?
HE: No, here they are.
ME: Hmm those arent 100Mbit.
HE: Yes they are.
ME: Ehh sorry but, no they are 10Mbit NICs.
HE: No they are 100Mbit.
ME: No, can you see the coaxial connecter?
HE: Ehh what?
ME: Well the plug, for your network cable.
HE: Oh yes.
ME: That is a coaxial connecter.
HE: Ehh so?
ME: Yeah well first of all, that means that it is no more than 10Mbit.
HE: No its 100Mbit.
ME: Look, even if I was looking for a 10Mbit card I would never buy a coaxial one. Don't you have anything else??
HE: Yes, I have terminators, T-pieces and cables too.
ME: Sigh... never mind I will go somwhere else.
HE: <offended voice> Well suit your self.</offended voice>

Yeti

Uhuh.

Yeah, now try doing that in a corporate environment.

The VP at my company uses a laptop docking station. About a week ago she manages to dislodge the computer... it looses the connection with to the monitor. She mashes her keyboard.... repeatedly. And when she's done doing some of the most retarded things i've ever seen she calls up IS.

How do i know this? In her blindness she managed to lock up the computer while at the same time flooding the keyboard buffer.

I get there flip it (the laptop) off... dock it properly reset the docking station. It comes back on and (fortnately) nothing got damaged.

I will never foget what she said next:

"Should i call you if this happens again?"

--------------------------------------------
I don't think they pay me enough to work there.

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--Oh lord not again

Judas

me:I'd like a 400 watt AMD recommended power supply
sales:Sure, come this way
(am walked to a set of computer cases)
me:eh, no, i'd just like a Power Supply, not a case and power supply
sales: oh, but don't you need a case that can support that kind of P.S.
me:I already do... can you show me the power supplys?
sales:of course just be one second... 400 watts right?
me:yep... make sure it's AMD Recommended though.
(waits for the guy to get back while i still stand beside all the cases and i look at them seeing if any are actually any good... sorry to say..none were...they were crap)
sales:ok, we only have brand of amd recomended power supplies and they are currently in a few of these cases. Here, i'll see if i can find one for you... btw, you sure the case is good enough for 400 watts?
me:....sigh..... yes i'm sure
sales:ok, heres a case.... it's got 400 watts.... it's has to exhaust fans...
(i get a little excited that yes.... 2 fans in a p.s. that is amd recommend will do wonders)
cont sales:will work with intel machines as well and is ATX....
me:ok, let me look at it....
(pick up the case, and gets light to see the lable noticing that it doesn't have the air intake that all amd recommend p.s. have plus, it says INTEL in big print on it)
me:sigh...... it's not amd recommended at all.. this will not do... do you have any other p.s. 300 watt or above available?
sales: it is so AMD recommended... it is of course 250watts or higher which amd machines need.... so it will work...
me: no it won't one of the first things that amd has as a amd recommended ps is Underside ventilations and this has didly for anything of the sort clearly showing that it's not recommended.... it fails there test...
sales:er..um... are you sure..... we have a amd technician with us today...i'll go ask him..
me:sigh.. ok ....
(5 minutes later... a different sales person comes out that actually seems to want to talk bisuness..... but he also, pressed for me to by a case with one.... sigh again.. i got just another sparkle 300 watter....)

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JavaFox

It looks like you guys have had some pretty bad experiences with some brain-dead sales associates, but please please please realize that there are a few of us out there that know what we're talking about!

Well, we try, at least!

Judas

well.. i am a salesmen i guess seeing i i'm going to be building a computer or a family.... after i fixed there orginal computer....they were really happy and wanted to completly upgrade to a new computer.... sweet ....

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JavaFox

Make sure it's an ...

Yeti

I think you should just build whatever you want... (sorry Java).

But whats this about salespeople getting cheap components? Where do you guys work... i mean what kind of a shop?

?

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--Oh lord not again

Judas

tiss an athlon system.... they want it cheap so i'm giving them a voodoo 3 3000 that i have used and has 2 year free trade in warranty guarranteed...from futureshop..... this beast has amazed me... to fill the space that card took.... kyro 2 se.... yeah baby... yeah...

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Shaith

Years ago, I worked for Prudential. We had just merged divisions with another area, and our new technical support lady (who was a support manager for Compaq before that) was having problems with one of the machines (we had just moved it in there).

I asked her casually, "Is it plugged in?"

She was quite nasty. "YES, it's plugged in," she hissed.

I asked her, "Would you like a hand with that?"

She replied, "I think I can handle it, thank you."

About 20 minutes later, she's cussing and hollering, so I walk over and kinda force my
assistance on her. I check the power switch, get nothing. I check the power strip and see only one power cord. Going on a hunch, I look at the back of the computer. Lo and behold - no power cord.

Calmly, but with tremendous effort, I walk over to a vacant desk, unplug the dumb terminal there, take the power cord over, and plug it into the machine. I then turn it on and walk away.

DallasStar

LOL

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"A picture of my existence... would show a useless wooden stake covered in snow... stuck loosely at a slant in the ground in a ploughed field on the edge of a vast open plain on a dark winter night." --- Franz Kafka

reno

So a few years ago, the president of one of our insurance firms asked me to install and configure a PC...that he bought from Gateway... he gave me 200 bucks for plugging the monitor to the computer, and installing an updated version of win98...I've never gotten more money for such little work in my life after that.

Man I love that guy! hehe

Silentst2000

Ask him if he ever needs help with anything to give you a call because you would gladly render any assistance because you "like" to work with computers.

__________________
P4@2.4ghz
Radeon 9700pro
DDR 400
Nuff said