diE !!!

TJ- · Jan 8, 2005, 09:51 AM

wrote this the other day, was gunna make it into a song but thought it would be much better as a poem so i cut it down til i got this... Its about wanting to kill or get revenge on your worst enemy,

comments appreciated.....

Im a mutherfuckin icon, a tripped out survivor,
a facination of your worthless mind,
morbidly existing to destroy your life,
a violent entity ready to murder your family,
insanity injected into my head,
branded through the voices left from the undead,
the reckoning tormented into your awakening,
a cannibal ten times worse than hannibal,
these are not only my thoughts,
this is just an example,
the malice bastard ripped apart from my values,
am i profound now or just another handful,
like the clones believing they are as good as a clown, fool,
when i say i will hurt you, best believe im not jesting
madness so great i am the epitome of your destiny,
hesitation not part of my vocabulary,
tortured torment conquered over lifes reality,
fuck this shit, i am ready to obliterate,
this is no joke, my creator is the almighty Seth
your time is up, now prepare for death...

klevo · Jan 8, 2005, 10:09 AM

It would be a great black metal text

TJ- · Jan 15, 2005, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klevo

It would be a great black metal text

Zardon · Jan 15, 2005, 03:57 PM

wasnt that a celine dion song?

Falstaff · Jan 15, 2005, 05:52 PM

It was the Spice girls Allan

Xx#1BallerxX · Jan 15, 2005, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallang_jeff

It was the
e Spice girls Allan

Yeah

tek · Jan 15, 2005, 07:59 PM

Kill, kill kill, murda, murda, murda

Represent

Jitter · Jan 15, 2005, 08:02 PM

Right now i think it works best as a song. The last 3 lines are good for a poem, but I think the rest of it is a bit too wordy. I think you need to cut out some of the "smaller" words. For me I was tripping over some of the more insignificant words. For example I think if you change
"these are not only my thoughts"

to simply

"these are my thoughts" its gives it a little more power.

OR maybe combine that line w/ the next to something like

"These are my thoughts, a f-ing example,"

I think if you do some basic editing like that you can make it work.

TJ- · Jan 16, 2005, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jitter

Right now i think it works best as a song. The last 3 lines are good for a poem, but I think the rest of it is a bit too wordy. I think you need to cut out some of the "smaller" words. For me I was tripping over some of the more insignificant words. For example I think if you change
"these are not only my thoughts"

to simply

"these are my thoughts" its gives it a little more power.

OR maybe combine that line w/ the next to something like

"These are my thoughts, a f-ing example,"

I think if you do some basic editing like that you can make it work.

no no no Jitter, if they were my thoughts, than it would be like im just thinking it and wouldnt do it, its just an example casue i would and that an example...if that makes sense...

Jitter · Jan 16, 2005, 05:02 PM

it makes sense, but they are only your thoughts at the moment and you are just thinking, you are not actually doing anything yet. It seems like you are thinking about what your going to do or giving an example of what you would do. I do not think the way I have it conveys that you would not actually do it in anyway, its saying "heress what im thinking, this is an example of what i would do."

Xx#1BallerxX · Jan 18, 2005, 11:12 PM

Kind of depressing

Senor_Mota · Jan 19, 2005, 05:56 PM

Hmmm...a little pent-up angst?

TJ- · Jan 19, 2005, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senor_Mota

Hmmm...a little pent-up angst?

hmmm no im as calm as a tiger....

Callandor · Jan 20, 2005, 08:15 AM

I think you were very angry when you wrote that.

TJ- · Jan 20, 2005, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sun_walka

I think you were very angry when you wrote that.

true, but it was a controlled art form of anger... I can always control my rage.....

riles9262 · Jan 20, 2005, 06:56 PM

Are you a member of Slayer?

TJ- · Jan 21, 2005, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by riles9262

Are you a member of Slayer?

no, im am member of something, but im not at liberrty to disclose the information...

Jan 8, 2005, 10:09 AM	#2
klevo 2 l33t Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Slovakia Posts: 587 Rep Power: 0	It would be a great black metal text __________________ My blog

Jan 15, 2005, 05:52 PM	#5
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	It was the Spice girls Allan __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Jan 15, 2005, 07:59 PM	#7
tek DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Boston, US Posts: 2,103 Rep Power: 0	Kill, kill kill, murda, murda, murda Represent __________________ [COLOR=White][/COLOR]

Jan 15, 2005, 08:02 PM	#8
Jitter HardwareHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 534 Rep Power: 0	Right now i think it works best as a song. The last 3 lines are good for a poem, but I think the rest of it is a bit too wordy. I think you need to cut out some of the "smaller" words. For me I was tripping over some of the more insignificant words. For example I think if you change "these are not only my thoughts" to simply "these are my thoughts" its gives it a little more power. OR maybe combine that line w/ the next to something like "These are my thoughts, a f-ing example," I think if you do some basic editing like that you can make it work. __________________ Sony Vaio PCV-RX670 P4 1.8ghz XP Pro SP2 1 GB PC2100 RAM ATI All in Wonder 9700 pro Audigy 2 ZS Aquamark ~29,500 3dMark03 ~ 5,000 Last edited by Jitter; Jan 15, 2005 at 08:14 PM.

Jan 16, 2005, 05:02 PM	#10
Jitter HardwareHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 534 Rep Power: 0	it makes sense, but they are only your thoughts at the moment and you are just thinking, you are not actually doing anything yet. It seems like you are thinking about what your going to do or giving an example of what you would do. I do not think the way I have it conveys that you would not actually do it in anyway, its saying "heress what im thinking, this is an example of what i would do." __________________ Sony Vaio PCV-RX670 P4 1.8ghz XP Pro SP2 1 GB PC2100 RAM ATI All in Wonder 9700 pro Audigy 2 ZS Aquamark ~29,500 3dMark03 ~ 5,000

Jan 8, 2005, 09:51 AM	#1
TJ- DriverHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Infinity Posts: 3,679 Rep Power: 0	diE !!! wrote this the other day, was gunna make it into a song but thought it would be much better as a poem so i cut it down til i got this... Its about wanting to kill or get revenge on your worst enemy, comments appreciated..... Im a mutherfuckin icon, a tripped out survivor, a facination of your worthless mind, morbidly existing to destroy your life, a violent entity ready to murder your family, insanity injected into my head, branded through the voices left from the undead, the reckoning tormented into your awakening, a cannibal ten times worse than hannibal, these are not only my thoughts, this is just an example, the malice bastard ripped apart from my values, am i profound now or just another handful, like the clones believing they are as good as a clown, fool, when i say i will hurt you, best believe im not jesting madness so great i am the epitome of your destiny, hesitation not part of my vocabulary, tortured torment conquered over lifes reality, fuck this shit, i am ready to obliterate, this is no joke, my creator is the almighty Seth your time is up, now prepare for death... __________________ new sig comming soon

Jan 15, 2005, 03:57 PM	#4
Zardon DriverHeaven Founder Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 32,480 Rep Power: 179	wasnt that a celine dion song?

Jan 18, 2005, 11:12 PM	#11
Xx#1BallerxX Driver Heaven's MVP Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 860 Rep Power: 0	Kind of depressing __________________

Jan 19, 2005, 05:56 PM	#12
Senor_Mota 悪魔の方法 Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Ee-duh-ow Posts: 2,384 Rep Power: 99 System Specs	Hmmm...a little pent-up angst? __________________

Jan 20, 2005, 08:15 AM	#14
Callandor Forged on Dragonmount Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 7,237 Rep Power: 304 System Specs	I think you were very angry when you wrote that. __________________

Jan 20, 2005, 06:56 PM	#16
riles9262 Driverheaven brewmaster Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: British Columbia, Canada Posts: 4,842 Rep Power: 72 System Specs	Are you a member of Slayer? __________________ A beer a day keeps the doctor away.