Two poems for a dead subforum :)

TheMiscreant · Jan 16, 2006, 02:25 AM

These are two poems I did a while back. Let me know what you think. The second one is rather lengthy, and the format is messy.

Titled "Something Else"

The rain is pouring on the streets of Manhattan.

The streetlights are all burnt out,

and no one can see anything,

so we fumble around in the cold black night

with the droplets of spring incense on our faces.

Will you please tell me where you are?

I touched something the night before

It felt lividly cold, and

It beat in my hands, but it was so frozen

that the strain was killing it.

Will you please tell me where you are?

I heard something the week before,

But it sounded like nothing

so I didn't think any more about it.

Will you please tell me where you are?

I smelt something the month before,

and it smelt of roses,

so sweet and succulent,

piercing my brimstone senses,

but then it disappeared?

Will you please tell me where you are?

We move around so fast

in the dark of the night

that we never know who we touch

or where we are

But I know one thing for sure:

I'm looking for only one now.

Will you please tell me where you are?

Titled "I am Murder"

She was there, standing in the door,

looking in my eyes with fervor unheard of

even within the depths of my soul,

I couldn’t bear the gaze,

so I hid my eyes in my hands,

and I walked toward her as a leper who is afraid

of his fellow man.

This was the girl,

I knew,

that I was going to love.

Thirty years have passed,

and here I am.

I’m not sure if I feel the same,

as time changes everything,

but I still feel something.

If you understand anything about the world,

then you should understand the laws of love.

You can go your whole life through,

and not know anything,

but as long as you know how to love,

you can live.

I didn’t know this then,

but I know it now.

It would’ve changed everything.

So, I had stood there,

but then I awoke from the trance,

and I took her by the hand,

and I whisked her out the door,

and into the world.

I took this girl’s hand,

and she became a part of me,

and I was assigned to her

in a way as untypical as anything of this nature.

Nothing before this point in my life mattered,

And nothing after did either.

Thirty years does this to you.

You become tired,

weak,

old.

You lose conception of your original intentions,

and doubt your purpose in wondering the Earth.

So I doubt my life now,

but I’m sure I had a purpose in the beginning,

or I wouldn’t have begun in the first place.

My purpose, which I had thought out before I was born,

was to love her.

I have remained faithful to my cause,

but my delusions are growing stronger.

I don’t see as straight as I used to,

and I’m afraid to walk alone at night.

I left something behind in a dumpster on a dark alley,

but I can’t recall what,

and I can’t think of why it was important.

Yet, it haunts me now,

and my love tortures me to remember it,

but I just can’t.

She stands beside me right now,

but she can’t talk and she can’t see,

yet she hears everything I say.

She knows what it is

I forgot.

Falstaff · Jan 16, 2006, 06:10 AM

you have a great deal of talent mate, would like to see any illustration for these vignettes in time, perhaps you have used illustrations, I used to make comic books as a kid, the old school way, and I enjoy this kind of prose, it begs for something visual....
As for myself, I can conjure up storyboards for it....
it is VERY good..

TheMiscreant · Jan 16, 2006, 01:45 PM

I've never been much of a visual thinker, but I really can see things with words. Would you like to illustrate them? :P

And, thanks, it means a lot, especially since I've been publishing stuff on the net and it's hard to get anyone around here to read more than 3 simultaneous words.

pr0digal jenius · Jan 17, 2006, 04:51 AM

very nice.

I like the overall feel/flow of them in particular, it isn't rigid enough to seem forced, but not loose enough to seem absent

TheMiscreant · Jan 17, 2006, 10:29 PM

Thanks a lot. I never put much time into my poems, but just roll them out of my head. It's good to hear someone likes them.

Jan 16, 2006, 02:25 AM	#1
TheMiscreant DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Somewhere between Alaska and Hawaii Posts: 53 Rep Power: 0	Two poems for a dead subforum :) These are two poems I did a while back. Let me know what you think. The second one is rather lengthy, and the format is messy. Titled "Something Else" The rain is pouring on the streets of Manhattan. The streetlights are all burnt out, and no one can see anything, so we fumble around in the cold black night with the droplets of spring incense on our faces. Will you please tell me where you are? I touched something the night before It felt lividly cold, and It beat in my hands, but it was so frozen that the strain was killing it. Will you please tell me where you are? I heard something the week before, But it sounded like nothing so I didn't think any more about it. Will you please tell me where you are? I smelt something the month before, and it smelt of roses, so sweet and succulent, piercing my brimstone senses, but then it disappeared? Will you please tell me where you are? We move around so fast in the dark of the night that we never know who we touch or where we are But I know one thing for sure: I'm looking for only one now. Will you please tell me where you are? Titled "I am Murder" She was there, standing in the door, looking in my eyes with fervor unheard of even within the depths of my soul, I couldn’t bear the gaze, so I hid my eyes in my hands, and I walked toward her as a leper who is afraid of his fellow man. This was the girl, I knew, that I was going to love. Thirty years have passed, and here I am. I’m not sure if I feel the same, as time changes everything, but I still feel something. If you understand anything about the world, then you should understand the laws of love. You can go your whole life through, and not know anything, but as long as you know how to love, you can live. I didn’t know this then, but I know it now. It would’ve changed everything. So, I had stood there, but then I awoke from the trance, and I took her by the hand, and I whisked her out the door, and into the world. I took this girl’s hand, and she became a part of me, and I was assigned to her in a way as untypical as anything of this nature. Nothing before this point in my life mattered, And nothing after did either. Thirty years does this to you. You become tired, weak, old. You lose conception of your original intentions, and doubt your purpose in wondering the Earth. So I doubt my life now, but I’m sure I had a purpose in the beginning, or I wouldn’t have begun in the first place. My purpose, which I had thought out before I was born, was to love her. I have remained faithful to my cause, but my delusions are growing stronger. I don’t see as straight as I used to, and I’m afraid to walk alone at night. I left something behind in a dumpster on a dark alley, but I can’t recall what, and I can’t think of why it was important. Yet, it haunts me now, and my love tortures me to remember it, but I just can’t. She stands beside me right now, but she can’t talk and she can’t see, yet she hears everything I say. She knows what it is I forgot.

Jan 16, 2006, 06:10 AM	#2
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	you have a great deal of talent mate, would like to see any illustration for these vignettes in time, perhaps you have used illustrations, I used to make comic books as a kid, the old school way, and I enjoy this kind of prose, it begs for something visual.... As for myself, I can conjure up storyboards for it.... it is VERY good.. __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Jan 17, 2006, 10:29 PM	Thread Starter #5
TheMiscreant DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Somewhere between Alaska and Hawaii Posts: 53 Rep Power: 0	Thanks a lot. I never put much time into my poems, but just roll them out of my head. It's good to hear someone likes them. Last edited by TheMiscreant; Jan 18, 2006 at 12:47 AM.

Jan 16, 2006, 01:45 PM	Thread Starter #3
TheMiscreant DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Somewhere between Alaska and Hawaii Posts: 53 Rep Power: 0	I've never been much of a visual thinker, but I really can see things with words. Would you like to illustrate them? :P And, thanks, it means a lot, especially since I've been publishing stuff on the net and it's hard to get anyone around here to read more than 3 simultaneous words.

Jan 17, 2006, 04:51 AM	#4
pr0digal jenius Delete Me Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 14,648 Rep Power: 0	very nice. I like the overall feel/flow of them in particular, it isn't rigid enough to seem forced, but not loose enough to seem absent