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Thanksgiving Reminder: USA, that is....

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Old Nov 21, 2006, 11:17 PM   #1
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Thanksgiving Reminder: USA, that is....
Since this coming Thursday is Thanksgiving Day here in the USA, I thought I'd pass along this little note....... [Following Text Color Edited for better viewing. ]


[COLOR=silver]To All Our Family and Friends.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Just a note to let you know we are[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]But....[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done,[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]The mud was their idea.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china,[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]hand-crafted from the finest construction paper.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]The artist assures me it is a turkey.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a [/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]frozen[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances,[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]"passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]sister in the head with warm tasty bread.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]If a young diner questions you regarding the origins[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Cheese Sauce stains.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small [/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]fingerprints.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]She probably won't come next year either.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver][/COLOR]
[COLOR=silver]Author: Barbara A Tyler[/COLOR]
[COLOR=blue]
[COLOR=blue][COLOR=darkorange]Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!![/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR]
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Old Nov 22, 2006, 01:14 AM   #2
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Yea.... I refuse to read that because its white (RACISM!).

Hurts my eyes.

Happy Thanksgiving too.
Good thing I'm part Indian so I guess I can complain just as much as any black person on thursday. Yay! Now give me money for stealing my land all those years ago.
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Old Nov 22, 2006, 02:22 AM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #3
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Well, if you must know, I'm part American Indian, as well. In fact, it would probably be difficult to find anyone in America who's ancestry goes back very far who doesn't have some American Indian in them.

As far as the text: I had to change it from its original color which wasn't showing up very well on Midnight Heaven theme. Guess we can't please everyone. [Color has been edited. Hope this is more pleasant.]

But, I'll still enjoy that turkey on Thursday. After all, Thanksgiving is for what we have now, not for regrets of the years past.
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Thank you kindly for fulfilling my request, Dyre
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Old Nov 22, 2006, 04:57 AM   #4
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My Great-Grandmother on my Mom's side is half Indian, so that makes me 1/16th I think. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving.
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Old Nov 22, 2006, 05:29 AM   #5
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indeed...eat all that turkey, watch all that football, and stuff in those pumpkin pies
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Old Nov 23, 2006, 01:23 PM   #6
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Happy Thanksgiving all. Enjoy your families and eat all the pie you can. Myself, having a small dinner with the family, desert at my wifes aunts, then its home for some guinness!
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Old Nov 23, 2006, 01:35 PM   #7
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Happy thanksgiving guys and all the rest of our american brothers.
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Old Nov 23, 2006, 01:47 PM   #8
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Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
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Old Nov 23, 2006, 02:11 PM   #9
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I had to work today, we flew to Stavanger last night and came back this morning for EUD installs and software upgrades..everything this closed on site and we cant leave, so we pooled our resources and got 8 Top Ramen, a box of Ritz crackers and two baby ruths..we bought cokes too, some guys are getting real drunk now..LOL As for me, I am stealing some wireless from the hotel next door and surfing right now, but my spirits are not diminished, Thanksgiving isnt about Pilgrims and indians to me, or Racism or anything about the birth of America, Thanksgiving is about my family and being together. My Brother is in Germany, sends his love, as well as my parents in Colorado, and my daughter and her husband at Ft Carson Colorado. We are all spread apart, but in my heart we are all together, and can see them with my heart as well. For the service men and women who spend Holidays apart from their families and those of us that support them, I still have enough cheer and goodwill to try to bring it home for them too.
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Old Nov 24, 2006, 12:42 AM   #10
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Happy Thanksgiving!

Ok, i know i posted it last year, but i couldn't resist to put it up again this year .
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