Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations:

Falstaff · Feb 19, 2007, 10:34 PM

[COLOR=black]For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.[/COLOR]

cozumel · Feb 19, 2007, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falstaff

[COLOR=black]5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."[/COLOR]

My life story...

Tinkerhell · Feb 20, 2007, 03:58 PM

hehehehe

josh2thad · Feb 20, 2007, 05:32 PM

[COLOR=black]"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

i know a few people like that
[/COLOR]

CDsDontBurn · Feb 20, 2007, 05:48 PM

those are great

SFOSOK · Feb 20, 2007, 11:57 PM

I was goin to quote the ones I liked but they were all funny.

Reminds me of quite a few people I have worked with. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me because I always work hard to get and keep my job but I am usually surrounded by lazy morons.

I guess everyone needs a job, scary to think these people are working for our government.

Judas · Feb 21, 2007, 01:24 AM

33.

"If he had shoved his brain up an ants ass, it'd look like a BB in a box car"

Vampyromaniac · Feb 21, 2007, 08:16 AM

Lol those were funny

drivehard454 · Feb 21, 2007, 11:32 AM

So many are soo true. LOL

Feb 19, 2007, 10:34 PM	#1
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,047 Rep Power: 206	Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations: [COLOR=black]For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations. 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." 6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better." 10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." 11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." 12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." 14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." 15. "He's been working with glue too much." 16. "He would argue with a signpost." 17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." 18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection." 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." 24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it." 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." 26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." 28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." 29. "One neuron short of a synapse." 30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." 31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes." 32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.[/COLOR] __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Feb 20, 2007, 03:58 PM	#3
Tinkerhell Not all fairies are nice. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 989 Rep Power: 42	hehehehe __________________ Stupidity should be painful if not terminal. Darwin for Sainthood!!

Feb 20, 2007, 05:48 PM	#5
CDsDontBurn 127.0.0.1 Join Date: May 2003 Location: Southern California Posts: 22,458 Rep Power: 202 System Specs	those are great __________________ Her First Day \| A year later

Feb 20, 2007, 11:57 PM	#6
SFOSOK 939 Goin Strong Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Ontario Posts: 7,033 Rep Power: 89 System Specs	I was goin to quote the ones I liked but they were all funny. Reminds me of quite a few people I have worked with. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me because I always work hard to get and keep my job but I am usually surrounded by lazy morons. I guess everyone needs a job, scary to think these people are working for our government. __________________ Warning - Explicit Content Preceeding METAL!!

Feb 21, 2007, 08:16 AM	#8
Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis Join Date: May 2002 Location: somewhere dark Posts: 5,974 Rep Power: 74 System Specs	Lol those were funny __________________ *Digitalis 3.3* Athlon 64 3000 // ASUS K8V SE Deluxe // 1024MB PC3200 (2-2-2-10 1T) ATI All-In-Wonder 9700 Pro // 20" Dell 2005FPW (DVI) M-Audio Revo 7.1 + Philips Acoustic Edge // Klipsch ProMedia 2.1 320/16 Western Digital WD3200KS + 120/8 Seagate 7200.7 NEC ND-3550A 16x DVD±RW + Lite-On 52x24x CD-RW Antec Sonata case // 480W Antec TruePower personal bests \|\| Aq'3: 46796 \| 3D'01: 20461 \| 3D'03: 6336 \| 3D'05: 2677 \| PC'04: 4605 \| PC'02: 7691,9092,1250

Feb 20, 2007, 05:32 PM	#4
josh2thad DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 431 Rep Power: 0	[COLOR=black]"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." i know a few people like that [/COLOR]

Feb 21, 2007, 11:32 AM	#9
drivehard454 HardwareHeaven Addict Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 319 Rep Power: 34 System Specs	So many are soo true. LOL