Time travel is a reality

Smoothdrive · Mar 28, 2003, 11:28 AM

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003

By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

Vampyromaniac · Mar 28, 2003, 12:20 PM

PS

syko86 · Mar 28, 2003, 12:32 PM

What if... It's real?

***craig5320*** · Mar 28, 2003, 01:06 PM

ahehehahaheheh, seriously tho how can they keep someone in jail for it? without proof? it isn't impossible, jus' highly unlikey, i'm talking about the success on the markets not the time travel, that's jus' crazee

merry · Mar 28, 2003, 01:33 PM

Maybe he was drunk driving his time machine...

DriveEuro · Mar 28, 2003, 04:36 PM

Neat. I sitll think time travel is BS.... But that's just my 2 cents.

kinetic · Mar 28, 2003, 04:44 PM

Ask him if Nvidia have released any decent drivers by then!

DriveEuro · Mar 28, 2003, 04:48 PM

HAHA, nah. Ask him if ATI pushed nVidia under yet..

Smoothdrive · Mar 28, 2003, 05:51 PM

Lets hope it's not true...imagine it being true..

over 200 years from now someone goes back in time to...make himself rich

I prefer my naieve image for the future of human nature actually improving.

DriveEuro · Mar 28, 2003, 07:19 PM

But have you guys ever thought about it? If you go back in time... you change the future by merely being there. The slightest things... dropping your keys on the ground, and someone picking them up... There you go. You just changed 5 seconds of someone's life. Ya think about how weird that is. You can prevent births, deaths, occurances, ... hell you could change anything. Well, I think time travel is BS, but still. CRAZY.

syko86 · Mar 28, 2003, 07:58 PM

Yeah... If you go back in time and killed someone, then what will happen to his grandchild who is living in the future..?

~~Asuka~~ · Mar 28, 2003, 10:18 PM

Originally posted by syko86
Yeah... If you go back in time and killed someone, then what will happen to his grandchild who is living in the future..?

He/she would cease to exist... which would probably be the best reason to go back in time and kill one of his ancestors. Although much easier things would be probably be enough as well - just avoid that some of his ancestors marry and have childs.
Ever seen "Back to the Future"? Somehow, it was avoided that his mom and dad got together, and then he slowly faded away... but just before it was too late, everything got back as it should be.

Frodo301 · Mar 29, 2003, 06:14 AM

Considering the source of the info. was the Weekly World News, a classic yellow journalism newspaper I would not put any faith in it. That newspaper is the same one who claims Batboy is in the army looking for Bin Laden and Michael Jackson is a space alien. Good for a laugh but the Michael Jackson thing just might be true.

Vampyromaniac · Mar 29, 2003, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Frodo301
Considering the source of the info. was the Weekly World News

Omg, didn't notice that . . . eesh

Smoothdrive · Mar 29, 2003, 12:51 PM

Off course it is not serious press, i plucked it of yahoo news i believe, i didn't even bother to check..it's a good story tough

Frodo301 · Mar 29, 2003, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Vampyromaniac
Omg, didn't notice that . . . eesh

You took my post a bit too seriously, me thinks.

Vampyromaniac · Mar 30, 2003, 05:45 AM

No, I seriously didn't see that!

silly me

(I wasn't being sarcastic

)

Impulse · Mar 30, 2003, 08:46 AM

ROFL...

-={420}=- · Mar 30, 2003, 01:50 PM

It's weird though that he would know all this inside info from a whole bunch of companies and make just the perfect investments. I wonder what's gonna happen to him.

Vamp-ur post count is almost 1337 - don't lose it.

Mar 28, 2003, 11:28 AM	#1
Smoothdrive Foolish Genius Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 455 Rep Power: 0	Time travel is a reality 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING Wednesday March 19, 2003 By CHAD KULTGEN NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256! Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28. "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider. "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck. "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources." The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs. "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation. When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune. "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment." In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands." Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. __________________ GA-7VRXP, AMD2000+, 256MB PC-2700 DDR, Radeon 8500LE, 2x Maxtor 740 (40GB) stripe set, AGNeovo X-150.

Mar 28, 2003, 12:20 PM	#2
Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis Join Date: May 2002 Location: somewhere dark Posts: 5,974 Rep Power: 77 System Specs	W . . T . . F . . ? . . ? . . ! . . ? PS

Mar 28, 2003, 12:32 PM	#3
syko86 DriverHeaven Lover Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 130 Rep Power: 0	What if... It's real? __________________ "Shoot Yourself In The Head, A Better Life Is Ahead." "Who do you side?" "Myself, of course." http://shux-inspir3.spydar.com Shucky Poets

Mar 28, 2003, 01:06 PM	#4
*craig5320* HH Administrator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 8,566 Rep Power: 445 System Specs	ahehehahaheheh, seriously tho how can they keep someone in jail for it? without proof? it isn't impossible, jus' highly unlikey, i'm talking about the success on the markets not the time travel, that's jus' crazee __________________ HardwareHeaven on Facebook

Mar 28, 2003, 01:33 PM	#5
merry gargouille Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha Posts: 962 Rep Power: 0	Maybe he was drunk driving his time machine... __________________ There is a war between the ones who say there is a war and the ones who say there isn't. ~~Leonard Cohen

Mar 28, 2003, 04:36 PM	#6
DriveEuro HardwareHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Gurnee Illinois Posts: 4,677 Rep Power: 0	Neat. I sitll think time travel is BS.... But that's just my 2 cents. __________________ [color=orange]ASUS P4P800 Deluxe [color=black]-[/color] 2.4C --> 3300mhz [color=black]-[/color] Mushkin PC3200 at 220 5-2-2-2 (cpu limited) [color=black]-[/color] BBAti 9800Pro at 430/375 [/color] [color=black]3[/color][color=gray]D[/color]M[color=black]a[/color][color=gray]r[/color]k[color=yellow]01[/color] [color=black]3[/color][color=gray]D[/color]M[color=black]a[/color][color=gray]r[/color]k[color=yellow]03[/color] 16001200 12801024

Mar 28, 2003, 04:44 PM	#7
kinetic DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Manchester England Posts: 2,559 Rep Power: 0	Ask him if Nvidia have released any decent drivers by then!

Mar 28, 2003, 04:48 PM	#8
DriveEuro HardwareHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Gurnee Illinois Posts: 4,677 Rep Power: 0	HAHA, nah. Ask him if ATI pushed nVidia under yet.. __________________ [color=orange]ASUS P4P800 Deluxe [color=black]-[/color] 2.4C --> 3300mhz [color=black]-[/color] Mushkin PC3200 at 220 5-2-2-2 (cpu limited) [color=black]-[/color] BBAti 9800Pro at 430/375 [/color] [color=black]3[/color][color=gray]D[/color]M[color=black]a[/color][color=gray]r[/color]k[color=yellow]01[/color] [color=black]3[/color][color=gray]D[/color]M[color=black]a[/color][color=gray]r[/color]k[color=yellow]03[/color] 16001200 12801024

Mar 28, 2003, 05:51 PM	Thread Starter #9
Smoothdrive Foolish Genius Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 455 Rep Power: 0	Lets hope it's not true...imagine it being true.. over 200 years from now someone goes back in time to...make himself rich I prefer my naieve image for the future of human nature actually improving. __________________ GA-7VRXP, AMD2000+, 256MB PC-2700 DDR, Radeon 8500LE, 2x Maxtor 740 (40GB) stripe set, AGNeovo X-150.

Mar 28, 2003, 07:19 PM	#10
DriveEuro HardwareHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Gurnee Illinois Posts: 4,677 Rep Power: 0	But have you guys ever thought about it? If you go back in time... you change the future by merely being there. The slightest things... dropping your keys on the ground, and someone picking them up... There you go. You just changed 5 seconds of someone's life. Ya think about how weird that is. You can prevent births, deaths, occurances, ... hell you could change anything. Well, I think time travel is BS, but still. CRAZY. __________________ [color=orange]ASUS P4P800 Deluxe [color=black]-[/color] 2.4C --> 3300mhz [color=black]-[/color] Mushkin PC3200 at 220 5-2-2-2 (cpu limited) [color=black]-[/color] BBAti 9800Pro at 430/375 [/color] [color=black]3[/color][color=gray]D[/color]M[color=black]a[/color][color=gray]r[/color]k[color=yellow]01[/color] [color=black]3[/color][color=gray]D[/color]M[color=black]a[/color][color=gray]r[/color]k[color=yellow]03[/color] 16001200 12801024

Mar 28, 2003, 07:58 PM	#11
syko86 DriverHeaven Lover Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 130 Rep Power: 0	Yeah... If you go back in time and killed someone, then what will happen to his grandchild who is living in the future..? __________________ "Shoot Yourself In The Head, A Better Life Is Ahead." "Who do you side?" "Myself, of course." http://shux-inspir3.spydar.com Shucky Poets

Mar 28, 2003, 10:18 PM	#12
~~Asuka~~ BANNED Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Germany Posts: 579 Rep Power: 0	Originally posted by syko86 Yeah... If you go back in time and killed someone, then what will happen to his grandchild who is living in the future..? He/she would cease to exist... which would probably be the best reason to go back in time and kill one of his ancestors. Although much easier things would be probably be enough as well - just avoid that some of his ancestors marry and have childs. Ever seen "Back to the Future"? Somehow, it was avoided that his mom and dad got together, and then he slowly faded away... but just before it was too late, everything got back as it should be.

Mar 29, 2003, 06:14 AM	#13
Frodo301 Outraged Join Date: May 2002 Location: The mountains Posts: 584 Rep Power: 0	Considering the source of the info. was the Weekly World News, a classic yellow journalism newspaper I would not put any faith in it. That newspaper is the same one who claims Batboy is in the army looking for Bin Laden and Michael Jackson is a space alien. Good for a laugh but the Michael Jackson thing just might be true. __________________ The greatest thing you'll every learn is to love, and be loved in return.

Mar 29, 2003, 12:51 PM	Thread Starter #15
Smoothdrive Foolish Genius Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 455 Rep Power: 0	Off course it is not serious press, i plucked it of yahoo news i believe, i didn't even bother to check..it's a good story tough __________________ GA-7VRXP, AMD2000+, 256MB PC-2700 DDR, Radeon 8500LE, 2x Maxtor 740 (40GB) stripe set, AGNeovo X-150.

Mar 30, 2003, 05:45 AM	#17
Vampyromaniac confutatis maledictis Join Date: May 2002 Location: somewhere dark Posts: 5,974 Rep Power: 77 System Specs	Frodo No, I seriously didn't see that! silly me (I wasn't being sarcastic )

Mar 30, 2003, 08:46 AM	#18
Impulse l33t Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 248 Rep Power: 0	ROFL...

Mar 30, 2003, 01:50 PM	#19
-={420}=- DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 1,095 Rep Power: 0	It's weird though that he would know all this inside info from a whole bunch of companies and make just the perfect investments. I wonder what's gonna happen to him. Vamp-ur post count is almost 1337 - don't lose it. __________________ [COLOR=red]My eBay Auctions[/COLOR]