The Bad Joke Thread! Let's hear 'em...

***craig5320*** · Jul 15, 2008, 03:27 PM

Man goes to the Doctor's...

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a strawberry...

Don't worry... I've got some cream for you

Falstaff · Jul 18, 2008, 09:45 PM

IRISH JOKE....

The other day I was telling jokes in the pub when an IRISH fellow slammed his mug on the counter and swore he was going to kill me if I told an IRISH joke so I began but he charged after me.
I ran out the door and down the street, he shouted after me that he had a razor and he was going to get me.
I ran up and down stairs, public streets, behind dustbins before he cornered me
I cowered and nearly began to beg for life as he towered over me .
It was then I noticed his razor and I breathed a sigh of relief.
He hadnt plugged it in.

BlueMak · Jul 18, 2008, 11:03 PM

I liked that one.

Falstaff · Jul 19, 2008, 01:52 PM

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. - Billy Connolly

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit - Billy Connolly

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days. - Billy Connolly

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time? - Billy Connolly

I'm much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey � I know you! You're That Guy - Billy Connolly

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? - Billy Connolly

Falstaff · Aug 3, 2008, 02:06 PM

Tennessee

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my
earrings.'

Alabama

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked.

'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied.

'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.

'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'. 'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.

Louisiana

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'

Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'

The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'

Georgia

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D. ?'

The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.

Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was..

The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'

The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'

The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'

And from South Carolina

'You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North !!! AMEN BROTHER !

Tril · Aug 4, 2008, 05:40 AM

Falstaff, I liked the Texas joke.

I heard this one on the radio. They were asking people to call and share their worst jokes.

What's the favorite drug of dwarfs?

mini-pot

Jul 15, 2008, 03:27 PM	Thread Starter #31
*craig5320* HH Administrator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 8,572 Rep Power: 445 System Specs	Man goes to the Doctor's... Doctor, Doctor I feel like a strawberry... Don't worry... I've got some cream for you __________________ HardwareHeaven on Facebook

Jul 18, 2008, 09:45 PM	#32
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	IRISH JOKE.... The other day I was telling jokes in the pub when an IRISH fellow slammed his mug on the counter and swore he was going to kill me if I told an IRISH joke so I began but he charged after me. I ran out the door and down the street, he shouted after me that he had a razor and he was going to get me. I ran up and down stairs, public streets, behind dustbins before he cornered me I cowered and nearly began to beg for life as he towered over me . It was then I noticed his razor and I breathed a sigh of relief. He hadnt plugged it in. __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Jul 18, 2008, 11:03 PM	#33
BlueMak HH's Asteroids' Dominator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Hellas->Macedonia->Thessaloniki Posts: 13,471 Rep Power: 349 System Specs	I liked that one. __________________ The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others(Bertrand Russell)"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil,You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them." - Lt. Gen. James N. Mattis This is slavery, not to speak one's thought. [Euripides-The Phoenician Women (c.411-409 B.C.)] http://www.macedonia.info/FALLACIESANDFACTS.htm *Sic semper tyrannis.*

Jul 19, 2008, 01:52 PM	#34
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. - Billy Connolly Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit - Billy Connolly I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days. - Billy Connolly Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time? - Billy Connolly I'm much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey � I know you! You're That Guy - Billy Connolly So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? - Billy Connolly __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Aug 3, 2008, 02:06 PM	#35
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	Southern Humour Tennessee The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.' Alabama A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked. 'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied. 'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired. 'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!' Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'. 'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'. Louisiana A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world. Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!' Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?' The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.' Georgia A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D. ?' The driver replied, 'Bout whut?' North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.. The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.' The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?' The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.' And from South Carolina 'You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North !!! AMEN BROTHER ! __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Aug 4, 2008, 05:40 AM	#36
Tril S-3D enthusiast Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 1,676 Rep Power: 64 System Specs	Falstaff, I liked the Texas joke. I heard this one on the radio. They were asking people to call and share their worst jokes. What's the favorite drug of dwarfs? mini-pot