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The Bad Joke Thread! Let's hear 'em...

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Old Jul 1, 2008, 08:41 AM   #1
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The Bad Joke Thread! Let's hear 'em...
Let's hear your worst joke, these days it seems bad jokes are the new good jokes.


How do you have a party in outer space?

You plan-et

Why are Pirates called Pirates?

Because they aaaaarrrgggggh
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 12:44 PM   #2
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2 Birds sat on a perch, One says to the other
"Does something smell fishy to you?"
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 02:15 PM   #3
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Donator
Why are there no painkillers in the jungle?

'Cos the parrots-ate-em-all!
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 02:51 PM   #4
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Why doesn't Hitler drink vodka?
...

...

...

...Because it makes him mean.
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 04:50 PM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #5
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How does a man on the moon get his hair cut?

Eclipse it
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 05:37 PM   #6
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Gold Member
-Knock knock

-Who's there?

-Fuck you!
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The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others(Bertrand Russell)"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil,You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them." - Lt. Gen. James N. Mattis
This is slavery, not to speak one's thought. [Euripides-The Phoenician Women (c.411-409 B.C.)] http://www.macedonia.info/FALLACIESANDFACTS.htm Sic semper tyrannis.
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 05:42 PM   #7
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Alright, alright, I got one.

"Woman's rights."

Hahahahhaha, GET IT!?
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Old Jul 1, 2008, 06:40 PM   #8
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Why LCC's don't have long haul flights?????





Because if they had they would have to serve you.
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no, stupidity is a WMD in itself
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Old Jul 2, 2008, 04:50 AM   #9
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have fat fingers.

God, i know, I'm going to hell.
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Old Jul 2, 2008, 09:14 AM   #10
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2 Guys walk into a bar,

ow.
ow.
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Old Jul 2, 2008, 09:20 AM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #11
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Hamburger and a Hotdog walk into a bar....

Barman says sorry we don't serve food.
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Old Jul 2, 2008, 03:57 PM   #12
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Gold Member
George Bush
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Old Jul 2, 2008, 04:13 PM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #13
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar
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Old Jul 3, 2008, 04:11 PM   #14
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Donator Gold Member
FCUK, or FUCK, that is the question.
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Old Jul 3, 2008, 04:23 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas View Post
George Bush
Instant classic right there
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Old Jul 4, 2008, 02:10 PM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #16
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
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Old Jul 4, 2008, 07:13 PM   #17
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Donator Gold Member
What do you get when you cross an x-ray with a t-rex???

A T-Ray.
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Old Jul 7, 2008, 12:04 AM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #18
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Why was it so hot after the football game?

...because all of the fans left
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Old Jul 7, 2008, 12:29 AM   #19
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Donator Gold Member
What was 2006s latest e-passtime???

Phishing.
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Old Jul 7, 2008, 05:22 PM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #20
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Two elephants walk off a cliff.........

Boom Boom!
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Old Jul 7, 2008, 06:16 PM   #21
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So this baby seal walks into a club

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Old Jul 7, 2008, 06:55 PM   #22
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Donator Gold Member
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cat?

An octopussy.
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Old Jul 9, 2008, 06:55 PM   #23
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Donator Gold Member
Doctor Jones had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all
day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just
couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring
voice in hi s head that said:

"John, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical
practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you
won't be the last. And you're single.

Just let it go, John."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back
to reality, whispering:

John..............................

John.....................

John.........

You're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard!"
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Old Jul 9, 2008, 06:58 PM   #24
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What do Actuaries do to liven up a party?

... Invite an Accountant
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Old Jul 9, 2008, 08:34 PM   #25
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Donator Gold Member
how many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb

none

why?

the lightbulb shouldnt have to change unless it really wants to.
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Old Jul 9, 2008, 08:36 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Falstaff View Post
Doctor Jones had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all
day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just
couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring
voice in hi s head that said:

"John, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical
practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you
won't be the last. And you're single.

Just let it go, John."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back
to reality, whispering:

John..............................

John.....................

John.........

You're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard!"
EWWWWW
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Old Jul 10, 2008, 04:49 AM   #27
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Donator Gold Member
Who is to blame if two guys get into a road rage firght and one of 'em dies???

... The guy who survives.
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Old Jul 10, 2008, 01:08 PM Threadstarter Thread Starter   #28
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Why did the chicken cross the road?


Who do you think I am Dr. Dolittle?
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Old Jul 10, 2008, 06:39 PM   #29
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Donator Gold Member
Your Mom is so fat she sells shade in the summer.
Your mom is so fat that her muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.
Your Mom is so fat when she get a cut she bleeds milkshakes
Your Mom is so fat she walked by the tv and i missed three episodes.
Your Mom is so fat, she whistles bass.
Your Mom is so fat, she's the only one at the beach that gets a tan.
Your Mom is so fat she pays taxes in three different countries!
Your Mom is so fat when she wears a green dress she looks like a pool table.
Your Mom is so fat she could sell her shade.
Your Mom is so fat that you couldn't store her on a 4000 hexabite hardrive!
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Your Mom is so fat she violates 17 different zoning laws
Your Mom is so fat she can seat a family of six
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Your Mom's butt checks are so fat they look like two pigs fighting over a milkdud.
Your Mom is so fat she was overthrown by a small militia, she's now know as The Republic of Your Mom
Your Mom is so fat she is the same height lying down as she is standing up.
Your Mom is so fat she had a dream of marshmellows and when she woke up her pillows were gone.
Your Mom is so fat, when she went to the top of the St. Louis Arch it turned into a McDonald's sign.
Your Mom is so fat when she plays hop scotch she goes B.C, Edmonton,Toronto, Qubec.......
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Your Mom's so fat were in her right now.
Your mom is so fat, the only time she sees 90210 is when she steps on the scale.
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Your Mom is so fat that she has to wake up in sections.
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Your Mom's so fat the only time she saw 90210 is when she stepped on the scale.
Your Mom's so fat, when she rolls over in bed she burns her ass on the light bulb.
Your Mom is so fat she when she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
Your Mom is so fat that when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Your mom is so fat she sat in the back of a bus and made it ride wheelies.
Your Mom is so fat, she gets in the bathtub and the neighbors' toilets overflow.
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Your Mom's so fat, every time she turns, its her birthday.
Your Mom's so fat, that after we finished having sex, I rolled over twice, and I was still on the Bitch!
Your Mom's so fat, if she wears a green a white sweater, she looks like a football field.
Your Mom's so fat, when i get on top of her i burn my ass on the light bulb.
Your Mom's so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Your Mom's so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Your Mom's so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Your Mom's so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Your Mom's so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to f**k her!
Your Mom's so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Your Mom's so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
Your Mom's so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Your Mom's so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Your Mom's so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Your Mom's so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!
Your Mom's so fat she wakes up in sections!
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Your Mom's so fat she's got her own area code!
Your Mom's so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Your Mom's so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Your Mom's so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
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Your Mom's so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Your Mom's so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Your Mom's so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Your Mom's so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Your Mom's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Your Mom's so fat people jog around her for exercise
Your Mom's so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Your Mom's so fat when she back up she beep.
Your Mom's so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Your Mom's so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Your Mom's so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Your Mom's so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Your Mom's so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Your Mom's so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Your Mom's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Your Mom's so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Your Mom's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Your Mom's so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Your Mom's so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Your Mom's so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Your Mom's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Your Mom's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Your Mom's so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Your Mom's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Your Mom's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Your Mom's so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Your Mom's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Your Mom's so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Your Mom's so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Your Mom's so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Your Mom's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Your Mom's so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
Your Mom's so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Your Mom's so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Your Mom's so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Your Mom's so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Your Mom's so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Your Mom's so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Your Mom's so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Your Mom's so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Your Mom's so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Your Mom's so fat she stands in two time zones.
Your Mom's so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Your Mom's so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Your Mom's so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Your Mom's so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Your Mom's so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Your Mom's so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Your Mom's so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Your Mom's so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Your Mom's so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Your Mom's so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Your Mom's so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Your Mom's so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Your Mom's so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
Your Mom's so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Your Mom's so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Your Mom's so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Your Mom's so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Your Mom's so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Your Mom's so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Your Mom's so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Your Mom's so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Your Mom's so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Your Mom's so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Your Mom's so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Your Mom's so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Your Mom's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Your Mom's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Your Mom's so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Your Mom's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Your Mom's so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Your Mom's so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Your Mom's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Your Mom's so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Your Mom's so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Your Mom's so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Your Mom's so fat she influences the tides.
Your Mom's so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Your Mom's so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Your Mom's so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Your Mom's so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Your Mom's so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Your Mom's so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Your Mom's so fat she has to iron her pants on the driveway!
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Old Jul 13, 2008, 12:09 PM   #30
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What kind of deer mows your lawn???

A John Deere.
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