You Just Can't Fix Stupid!!

Falstaff · Jul 18, 2008, 09:46 PM

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to

what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.'

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

SIX

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?'

EIGHT

Police in Radnor , Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine .. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....

Dispatcher: Rush him to the emergency room!

Life is tough . It's tougher if you're stupid

and remember - these people can vote.

**Mousey** · Jul 18, 2008, 10:23 PM

lmao absolute classic, Jeff = DH Comedian XD

BlueMak · Jul 18, 2008, 11:05 PM

I hope those are jokes.

**dj_stick** · Jul 19, 2008, 12:18 AM

they are, heard them a few times

IEMC · Jul 19, 2008, 12:30 AM

Number two made me lol.

Good stuff.

mkk · Jul 19, 2008, 01:48 AM

I wish this was a joke, or funny for that matter:
A customer phoned in that he was fed up with a system that we sold him a little while ago and want to take it back to us. Even though we've had the system in for testing and found nothing wrong, we thought we'd better be as nice as usual and take a margin loss. So we said okay as long as the peripherals aren't damaged we'll take back everything even down to the keyboard, as we still had the system in and it was fine. So the guy came in this week with all the loose stuff in a bag, which included the screen. Naturally the keyb+mouse was pretty worn but that's no real money so we kinda expected that, but the screen was blemished by some sticky reddish fluid that had dried in and just wouldn't go completely off, or had bonded with the plastic somehow.

The manager was around so he stepped in and very carefully explained to the customer that the screen was really so damaged that we wouldn't be able to sell it to anyone else were we to take it back, but that we would fully refund all the other parts. Now our manager is both good with words and quite experienced dealing with troublesome people so he spends a good twenty minutes talking to this guy and being careful to not even suggest that he ought to have understood that the screen was not in a returnable state. I'm walking back and forth tending to other stuff and thinking to myself that gee he(our manager) is really almost too forthcoming to this guy, and then finally I hear the customer say to the effect "you're trying to trick me, right?"(!!!). It's not the first time during my six months part timing at this place that clearly it's the customer that's trying to screw the store, and had I've been the manager I'd have as politely as possible asked the guy to leave the store and take everything with him.

Sorry to vent in your nice thread Falstaff.

**kris23** · Jul 19, 2008, 02:15 AM

where do you get these man?

Falstaff · Jul 19, 2008, 01:49 PM

I have a friend at IBM I used to relax with after work and she has a good sense of humour, she sends these to me. Her and I do customer support over the phone after putting in a whole day of software training and we experience some funny situations.
she sends me these bits here and there and I think they might be worth sharing. My humour is actually a bit droll or off beat.
I am more like a BIlly Connelly

Jul 18, 2008, 09:46 PM	#1
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	You Just Can't Fix Stupid!! ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.' FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?' EIGHT Police in Radnor , Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine .. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him to the emergency room! Life is tough . It's tougher if you're stupid and remember - these people can vote. __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Jul 18, 2008, 10:23 PM	#2
Mousey Synth's Long Lost Bro Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Web Design Hell Posts: 7,189 Rep Power: 245 System Specs	lmao absolute classic, Jeff = DH Comedian XD __________________

Jul 18, 2008, 11:05 PM	#3
BlueMak HH's Asteroids' Dominator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Hellas->Macedonia->Thessaloniki Posts: 13,471 Rep Power: 349 System Specs	I hope those are jokes. __________________ The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others(Bertrand Russell)"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil,You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them." - Lt. Gen. James N. Mattis This is slavery, not to speak one's thought. [Euripides-The Phoenician Women (c.411-409 B.C.)] http://www.macedonia.info/FALLACIESANDFACTS.htm *Sic semper tyrannis.*

Jul 19, 2008, 12:30 AM	#5
IEMC Neighborhood screw up. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: MI, US Posts: 770 Rep Power: 55 System Specs	Number two made me lol. Good stuff. __________________

Jul 19, 2008, 02:15 AM	#7
kris23 Going Insane..... Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,019 Rep Power: 131 System Specs	where do you get these man? __________________ Hardwareheaven Super-Moderator Building a new computer system and not sure where to start? Click Here! last updated (5/18/11) Rosewill FUTURE case replaces CM 690 II with its greater interior length. Building a PC: Step by Step Guide Written by Kristopher Pedemonte and Nathan Marks-Forder Edited by Allan Campbell Questions or Comments? feel free to post them in the forums!

Jul 19, 2008, 01:48 AM	#6
mkk Cthulhu/Dagon 2012 Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Gefle, Sweden Posts: 4,495 Rep Power: 132 System Specs	I wish this was a joke, or funny for that matter: A customer phoned in that he was fed up with a system that we sold him a little while ago and want to take it back to us. Even though we've had the system in for testing and found nothing wrong, we thought we'd better be as nice as usual and take a margin loss. So we said okay as long as the peripherals aren't damaged we'll take back everything even down to the keyboard, as we still had the system in and it was fine. So the guy came in this week with all the loose stuff in a bag, which included the screen. Naturally the keyb+mouse was pretty worn but that's no real money so we kinda expected that, but the screen was blemished by some sticky reddish fluid that had dried in and just wouldn't go completely off, or had bonded with the plastic somehow. The manager was around so he stepped in and very carefully explained to the customer that the screen was really so damaged that we wouldn't be able to sell it to anyone else were we to take it back, but that we would fully refund all the other parts. Now our manager is both good with words and quite experienced dealing with troublesome people so he spends a good twenty minutes talking to this guy and being careful to not even suggest that he ought to have understood that the screen was not in a returnable state. I'm walking back and forth tending to other stuff and thinking to myself that gee he(our manager) is really almost too forthcoming to this guy, and then finally I hear the customer say to the effect "you're trying to trick me, right?"(!!!). It's not the first time during my six months part timing at this place that clearly it's the customer that's trying to screw the store, and had I've been the manager I'd have as politely as possible asked the guy to leave the store and take everything with him. Sorry to vent in your nice thread Falstaff.

Jul 19, 2008, 01:49 PM	Thread Starter #8
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	I have a friend at IBM I used to relax with after work and she has a good sense of humour, she sends these to me. Her and I do customer support over the phone after putting in a whole day of software training and we experience some funny situations. she sends me these bits here and there and I think they might be worth sharing. My humour is actually a bit droll or off beat. I am more like a BIlly Connelly __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."