Silly Humour (not meant to offend)

Falstaff · Sep 13, 2008, 09:06 PM

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you..

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with... 'a recipe'.

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' - A southern fairytale begins
'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....

mbeeston · Sep 14, 2008, 10:05 AM

last oen made me laugh

Falstaff · Sep 14, 2008, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mbeeston

last oen made me laugh

I thought it was rather clever, seeing as they are all rather old, but there is very little humour on the forums as of late so I wanted to liven things up a bit.
oh well

cozumel · Sep 14, 2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falstaff

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls

My favourite as I like things that are just plain daft.

blibbax · Sep 14, 2008, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falstaff

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Funny cos it's true!

BlueMak · Sep 14, 2008, 11:35 PM

It took me a while to get the first one.

Good collection.

***craig5320*** · Sep 15, 2008, 02:26 AM

Very nice Jeff, thanks for the laughs

Falstaff · Sep 15, 2008, 05:58 AM

My father sends me most of these from America and I use them to break the ice at work, etc. I guess the most daft of the jokes are the best.
Laughter is the best medicine.

Cow_160483 · Sep 15, 2008, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falstaff

...Laughter is the best medicine.

That's so true thanks for the laugh am going to use some of these at work to liven things up coz everyone is so boring

.

Sep 13, 2008, 09:06 PM	#1
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	Silly Humour (not meant to offend) What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 'Are you sure it's mine?' Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby? They named him 'Sum Ting Wong' What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'. How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' - A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.... __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."

Sep 14, 2008, 10:05 AM	#2
mbeeston HardwareHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: alberta, canada (thats north of the usa people) Posts: 1,037 Rep Power: 68 System Specs	last oen made me laugh __________________ R.I.P Roadee - you will be missed T_T peace,love, and war... 3 things people look for... "if your going off the deep end, show off, do a cannon ball!" - me

Sep 14, 2008, 11:35 PM	#6
BlueMak HH's Asteroids' Dominator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Hellas->Macedonia->Thessaloniki Posts: 13,474 Rep Power: 349 System Specs	It took me a while to get the first one. Good collection. __________________ The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others(Bertrand Russell)"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil,You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them." - Lt. Gen. James N. Mattis This is slavery, not to speak one's thought. [Euripides-The Phoenician Women (c.411-409 B.C.)] http://www.macedonia.info/FALLACIESANDFACTS.htm *Sic semper tyrannis.*

Sep 15, 2008, 02:26 AM	#7
*craig5320* HH Administrator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 8,573 Rep Power: 445 System Specs	Very nice Jeff, thanks for the laughs __________________ HardwareHeaven on Facebook

Sep 15, 2008, 05:58 AM	Thread Starter #8
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 19,048 Rep Power: 207	My father sends me most of these from America and I use them to break the ice at work, etc. I guess the most daft of the jokes are the best. Laughter is the best medicine. __________________ "Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."