[Mac Daddy]

HAAAAAAAAAAA !!!

Good one UNKY BOB

[GutterPunk]

oh golly that was great bob

[UncleBob]

There's these two Welshmen standing on the edge of a cliff.

One has a budgie on his shoulder and the other has a parrot and rather oddly a 12 bore shotgun.

The first one looks at the other and speaks. "I'm going" he says, and jumps off the cliff. The budgie just flies off.

The other figures it's his turn. Off he goes, but while the parrot takes flight, mid-fall he tries to shoot it. Both shots miss completely, well, he is falling.

The pair of them have landed next to each other, and just about alive the first one says to the other:

"I don't rate this budgie-jumping much"

The other one moans:

"I can't see this parrot-shooting taking off either"

Better?

[GutterPunk]

LOL

[Mac Daddy]

This was forwarded to me by my mom .. I thought they were pretty funny



Subject: Dr. stories - to lighten your day !!

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed thatthere
were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
* * * * * * * * * * * *

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
* * * * * * * * * * * *

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
* * * * * * * * * * *

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I
had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
* * * * * * * * * * * *

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered
"Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
* * * * * * * * * * *

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked
to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
...
a vaginal lubricant.
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
* * * * * * * * * * * *

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman entered
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing. It was quickly determined the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there wasa
tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,
the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said;
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
* * * * * * * * * * *

And Finally . . . . .

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed
him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied,"No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
* * * * * * * * * * * *

[Mac Daddy]

Bad Reception ..

A Blonde walked into an Electronics store and asked, "How much is this TV ??".
Salesman said, "Sorry we don't sell to Blondes".

The next day she came back as a brunette and asked, "How much is this TV ??".
Salesman said, "Sorry we don't sell to Blondes".

The next day she came back a a Redhead and asked, "How much is this TV ??".
Salesman said, "Sorry we don't sell to Blondes".

She replied, "I came here as a brunette and a redhead. How do you know I am a blonde ??".
He replied, " Because thats not a TV its a Microwave !!".

[WildChild]

A commercial airliner is about to crash! There are 5 passengers on
board but alas, only 4 parachutes!!!

The 1st passenger says, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best basketball player in
the NBA and the Lakers need me, so I can't afford to die." He takes the 1st
pack and jumps from the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Rodham Clinton says, "I am the wife of a
former U.S. President, I'm a N.Y. State Senator and a potential future
president. I must live!!" So she takes the 2nd pack and jumps out of the
plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I'm the President of the
United States of America. I have a great responsibility being the leader of
a super-power nation and I am the cleverest president in American
history, so America's people won't want me to die." So he grabs the pack
next to him and jumps out of the plane!

The 4th passenger, an old minister says to the 5th passenger, a 10
year old schoolgirl, "I've had a very good life and since I am a practicing
Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute
my child." The girl says, "Nah, it's okay Rev, there is a parachute right
here for you!! .America's cleverest president just jumped outta the plane
with my book bag."

[BetrayerX]

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

[BetrayerX]

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."

[BetrayerX]

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried
or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was
about to be cremanted, he discovered the longest private part he
had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send
you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part
like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And with that,
the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's member.

The coroner stuffed his prize into his briefcase and took it
home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have
something to show you that you won't beleive." he said, and
opened his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screamed....."Schwartz is dead!"

[jkayca2]

Good set BetrayerX!

The husband was sitting quietly reading his newspaper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,"she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," she said.
"I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later, he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him on the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to his senses, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called!!"

[Mac Daddy]

Hee Hee .. nice one Jkay .. and some good stuff BetrayerX

[tastyweat]

Originally posted by Mac Daddy
Bad Reception ..

A Blonde walked into an Electronics store and asked, "How much is this TV ??".
Salesman said, "Sorry we don't sell to Blondes".

The next day she came back as a brunette and asked, "How much is this TV ??".
Salesman said, "Sorry we don't sell to Blondes".

The next day she came back a a Redhead and asked, "How much is this TV ??".
Salesman said, "Sorry we don't sell to Blondes".

She replied, "I came here as a brunette and a redhead. How do you know I am a blonde ??".
He replied, " Because thats not a TV its a Microwave !!".

lmfao!! good one!

[tastyweat]

Originally posted by BetrayerX
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

omg.... haven't laughed so hard since I saw robin williams on broadway

[WildChild]

> The First Affair
>
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their
> passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made
> passionate
> love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep,
> awakening
> around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take
> his
> shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she
> nonetheless
> complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?"
> demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you.
> I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've
> been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until
> eight o'clock."
>
> The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've
> been
> playing golf!".
>
>
>
> TheSecond Affair
>
> A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead
> bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined
> the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing
> discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm
> sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be
> cremated
> with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for
> posterity." With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's
> scaling. He
> stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he
> showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't
> believe,"
> he said, and opened up his briefcase.
>
> "Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
>
>
> The Third Affair
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
> front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly
> rubbed baby
> oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until
> I
> tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this,
> honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue,"
> she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I
> liked it
> so much, I got one for us too."
>
> No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.
> Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
> and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
> "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
> the
> Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
>
>
>
> The Fourth Affair
>
> A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks
> for
> a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."
> "One Cent?", exclaimed the man.So the man glances over at the menu and
> asks,
> "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried
> egg?"
> "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."
> "How much money?" inquires the man.
> "4 cents," the bartender replied.
> "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
> The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
> The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
> The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

[Mac Daddy]

LOL Wild .............. THX for sharing
I have a SHIZZNIT load to post .. little time these last few weeks

[BetrayerX]

The Pope arrives in NYC for an important UN meeting. His flight
is delayed, so he has only 15 minutes to get from JFK airport to
the UN building. A car had of course has been arranged to pick
him up -- he is, after all, the Pope.

The Pope tells the driver of his predicament, but the driver
says that he will not violate the speed limit. So the Pope says
"OK, OK, get in the back, I'll drive." The Pope floors it,
weaving through traffic like a madman. Inevitably, even for the
Pope, he sees flashing lights behind him, and has to pull over.
The officer takes one look in the window, turns pale, and slowly
walks back to his squad car.

He calls up his superior officer, and tells him "I just pulled
this guy over for speeding, but I can't give him a ticket."

"Well, why not?"

"He's too important"

"Well, who is it? The mayor? Did you pull over the mayor?"

"No, no, no. Much more important than that."

"Well, was it Donald Trump?"

"No, no, no. Much more important than that."

"Was it the president? Please tell me you did not pull over the
president of the United States."

"No, no, no. Much more important than than."

By this time, the superior officer is completely flabbergasted.
He yelled "Well, then who the hell did you pull over?!"

To which the policeman nervously replied "Well, I don't know,
but he's got the Pope for a driver!"

[BetrayerX]

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful,
in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a
brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his
career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.
"He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a
friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a
stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio
as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell
him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny
are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."

[BetrayerX]

An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years,
died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten
years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and
exercise.

When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their
mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a
master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and
aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to
cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course
that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges
every day, and each week the course would change to new one that
represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man
asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is
heaven; you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch
with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?"
asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it
is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are
the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked
timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as
much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and
you never get sick. This is heaven."

With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and
shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down,
asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and
said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted
bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

[Markius]

dont know if any of these have been posted...cant remember but i thought they were funny





A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.

*************************

MATH CLASS

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3'? I said '6'."

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f..king difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

*************************

ENGLISH

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate"

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

*************************

GRAMMAR

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Well that's beautiful, just f..king beautiful!"

[mainman]

[Markius]

[jkayca2]

Mario Lemieux, Steve Yzerman and Wayne Gretzky are standing before God at the throne of Heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in." Addressing Lemieux first he asks,

"What do you believe?" Mario looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Hockey to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people, from Moscow to the bright lights of New York. I have devoted my life to bringing such joy to people who watch us and support their team."

God looks up and offers Mario the seat to his left.

He then turns to Steve Yzerman, "And you, Steve, what do you believe?"

Stevie Y stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."

God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Yzerman the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Wayne Gretzky, "And you, Wayne, what do you believe?"

I believe," says Gretzky, "You're sitting in my seat"

[jkayca2]

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a
man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the
world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we
haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?".

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

[Mac Daddy]

LOL !!

[HawK]

Man to his MD:
doctor you gotto help me, I keep forgetting all kinds of things
MD: and for how long do have this complaint??


Man: what complaint?

[Markius]

Closer to God

A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"
And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."

The Doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"

And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"

[mainman]

Nice one bud!!!

[WildChild]

A man walked into the ladies' department of a Dillard's Department Store and said to the woman behind the counter, "I'd like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Baptist," said the man. "She said get a Baptist bra, and that you'd know what she meant."

"Ah yes, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't sell many of those. Mostly our customers want the Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, or the Presbyterian type."

Confused, the man asked, "What's the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple ... the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright. Then there's the Baptist type."

"What does that do?" asked the man.

She replied, "It makes mountains out of molehills."

[WildChild]

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him" The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks his wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food".
"Tiger wouldn't do that!" she claims.
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"What are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that," again she claims.
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a third time."
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!"