Real women vs. Martha Stewart

shortstuff · Jul 10, 2002, 11:54 PM

REAL WOMEN VS. MARTHA STEWART

Martha's way #1:

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way:

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake.

You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2:

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way:

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #3:

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way:

Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #4:

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way:

If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too darn bad.

Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #5:

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way:

Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #6:

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way:

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Martha's way #7:

If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves.

They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way:

Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip:

Martha's way #8:

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way:

Leftover wine??????

Ryoko · Jul 11, 2002, 03:08 AM

LOL

so true, however some of those tips don't sound too bad...

digitalwanderer · Jul 11, 2002, 04:18 AM

According to that, methinks me is a real woman?!?

(The Dig quickly reaches down the front of his trousers to make sure the fellows are still there...)

shortstuff · Jul 11, 2002, 07:47 PM

LMAO dig!

MikeDaMan · Jul 11, 2002, 08:10 PM

Yea those were pretty funny just goes to show how lazy we usually are! But it was still very funny

Frodo301 · Jul 12, 2002, 12:32 PM

I can't stand Martha Stewart. I bet she's a spoiled bitch outside television. Funny stuff though.

shortstuff · Jul 12, 2002, 08:57 PM

I can't stand her either. That's why I thought this was so funny.

Jul 11, 2002, 07:47 PM	Thread Starter #4
shortstuff Sweetness Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,835 Rep Power: 0	LMAO dig! __________________ [color=Indigo]Joe "Roadee" Dawson R.I.P my friend. You will be missed [/color] If we keep doing what we've always done, we'll keep getting what we've always got.

Jul 12, 2002, 08:57 PM	Thread Starter #7
shortstuff Sweetness Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,835 Rep Power: 0	I can't stand her either. That's why I thought this was so funny. __________________ [color=Indigo]Joe "Roadee" Dawson R.I.P my friend. You will be missed [/color] If we keep doing what we've always done, we'll keep getting what we've always got.

Jul 10, 2002, 11:54 PM	#1
shortstuff Sweetness Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,835 Rep Power: 0	Real women vs. Martha Stewart REAL WOMEN VS. MARTHA STEWART Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway. Martha's way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake. The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you. Martha's way #4: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up." The Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too darn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes. Martha's way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. The Real Women's Way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff. Martha's way #6: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. The Real Women's Way: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares? Martha's way #7: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy. The Real Women's Way: Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it. And finally the most important tip: Martha's way #8: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine?????? __________________ [color=Indigo]Joe "Roadee" Dawson R.I.P my friend. You will be missed [/color] If we keep doing what we've always done, we'll keep getting what we've always got.

Jul 11, 2002, 03:08 AM	#2
Ryoko American Soldier Join Date: May 2002 Location: Williamsburg, VA Posts: 1,725 Rep Power: 0	LOL so true, however some of those tips don't sound too bad...

Jul 11, 2002, 04:18 AM	#3
digitalwanderer Colour Commentator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Highland, IN USA Posts: 5,619 Rep Power: 0	Oh....my....freaking....gods!!!! According to that, methinks me is a real woman?!? (The Dig quickly reaches down the front of his trousers to make sure the fellows are still there...) __________________ WTF is up with the sigs?

Jul 11, 2002, 08:10 PM	#5
MikeDaMan DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 874 Rep Power: 0	Yea those were pretty funny just goes to show how lazy we usually are! But it was still very funny __________________ DFI Lanpart UT 250GB motherboard. 1GB 2X512 Crucial Ballistix PC 3200. AMD Athlon 64 3400+. Retail ATI Radeon X850XT PE AGP

Jul 12, 2002, 12:32 PM	#6
Frodo301 Outraged Join Date: May 2002 Location: The mountains Posts: 584 Rep Power: 0	I can't stand Martha Stewart. I bet she's a spoiled bitch outside television. Funny stuff though. __________________ The greatest thing you'll every learn is to love, and be loved in return.