Courtroom Funnies

kinetic · Nov 18, 2003, 07:45 AM

These things were actually stated and recorded by court reporters.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy."
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at the time?

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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
Q: None.
A: Were there any girls?

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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

~~littlebit~~ · Nov 18, 2003, 09:03 AM

LOL kinetic those are good.

Judas · Nov 18, 2003, 09:40 AM

....i understand some of them...as when your faced in a court with even the possibility of not being sure of yourself..... you start to make simple common mistakes...anywere from math problems to names to simply not know what the hell to do or say.......

Cdr · Nov 18, 2003, 10:53 AM

hehe, while doing my Law degree I had to sit in a few court sessions, and indeed witnesses get awfully confused when asked the simplest of questions. Seen a few break out in tears aswell.

All good fun to watch tho

Markius · Nov 18, 2003, 11:00 AM

lol
good one mate

merry · Nov 18, 2003, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Judas
....i understand some of them...as when your faced in a court with even the possibility of not being sure of yourself..... you start to make simple common mistakes...anywere from math problems to names to simply not know what the hell to do or say.......

Right. Now, honestly: which ones are yours?

Judas · Nov 18, 2003, 11:52 AM

lol....i wasn't saying that i've been any position like that... i just somehow understand it.... i've actually never been near a court room let alone a court house....

jjmd · Nov 18, 2003, 03:30 PM

sounds typical to me.

Vengeance · Nov 18, 2003, 03:36 PM

I about pee'ed myself

tastyweat · Nov 18, 2003, 05:22 PM

very good

- the idiotic things people come out with!

fireball · Nov 18, 2003, 05:43 PM

very funny

krazy1 · Nov 18, 2003, 05:59 PM

I just Copied, pasted to word and printed these out for all on my team here at work to read.... these are funny as hell!!

The_Neon_Cowboy · Nov 18, 2003, 06:03 PM

Nov 18, 2003, 07:45 AM	#1
kinetic DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Manchester England Posts: 2,559 Rep Power: 0	Courtroom Funnies These things were actually stated and recorded by court reporters. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy." Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at the time? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? Q: None. A: Were there any girls? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Nov 18, 2003, 10:53 AM	#4
Cdr DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 41 Rep Power: 0	hehe, while doing my Law degree I had to sit in a few court sessions, and indeed witnesses get awfully confused when asked the simplest of questions. Seen a few break out in tears aswell. All good fun to watch tho __________________

Nov 18, 2003, 11:00 AM	#5
Markius DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Australia Posts: 2,350 Rep Power: 0	lol good one mate __________________ DriverHeavens Aussie... "Lifes tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late"

Nov 18, 2003, 03:30 PM	#8
jjmd DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: In Your Mothers Closet... Posts: 1,081 Rep Power: 0	sounds typical to me. __________________ [COLOR=blue]Win XP Pro all updates.[/COLOR] [COLOR=blue]Asus Crosshair, Amd 64 X2 6000. 4 GB Cosair Dominator,2 MSI 7900gs 512 mg, 2 raptor 150 gig in raid 0. 22inch View Sonic LCD, 2 HP 16x dvd burners, and some other crap. HE HE HE. [/COLOR]

Nov 18, 2003, 03:36 PM	#9
Vengeance DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Fort Worth TX Posts: 643 Rep Power: 0	I about pee'ed myself __________________ [color=red]Rage3D Super Moderator[/color] [color=red]BFG 6800 GT [/color]

Nov 18, 2003, 09:03 AM	#2
~~littlebit~~ Banned Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 36 Rep Power: 0	LOL kinetic those are good.

Nov 18, 2003, 05:22 PM	#10
tastyweat Lurking Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: The void Posts: 4,794 Rep Power: 75 System Specs	very good - the idiotic things people come out with! __________________

Nov 18, 2003, 05:43 PM	#11
fireball HardwareHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 2,899 Rep Power: 0	very funny __________________ [color=gray][/color]

Nov 18, 2003, 05:59 PM	#12
krazy1 Live from the Dungeon Join Date: May 2003 Location: Between the SubWoofers Posts: 1,395 Rep Power: 0	I just Copied, pasted to word and printed these out for all on my team here at work to read.... these are funny as hell!! __________________

Nov 18, 2003, 06:03 PM	#13
The_Neon_Cowboy HardwareHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 16,009 Rep Power: 92 System Specs	__________________