[Mac Daddy]

I saw a photocopy of this at my moms this morning .. Thought it was funny as hell
(If it has been posted already .. DOH!!)

[MIG-31]

seen it somewhere.

[BiGBrOwNPimpsta]

ROFL thats my msn pic for now!

[Mac Daddy]

Originally posted by BiGBrOWnPimpsta
ROFL thats my msn pic for now!

Hee Hee .. I thought it was pretty funny ATM

[Markius]

[Ev!L-aLphA]

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

read this 2
http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/of...n_law_suit.htm

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

here is more

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

tonight show top ten list....

Top Ten Attractions At The New Michael Jackson Theme Park

10. Latoya-Go-Round

9. Diseased Chimp Petting Zoo

8. Mr. Toad's Wild Hyperbaric Chamber

7. Country Bear Crotch-Grabbin' Jamboree

6. Michael's Haunted Pants

5. Guess Tito's Weight

4. Used Surgical Mask Trampoline

3. 20,000 Leagues Under The Scalpel

2. The Lipo-Coaster

1. Deposition Land



__________________________________________________ ________________________





Late-Night Jokes About Michael Jackson


"According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable opinion of Michael Jackson. That may not sound like much, but it's still more than any of the Democratic candidates running for president." —Jay Leno

"Michael Jackson now using the internet to communicate with his fans. Which makes sense, that’s how he met most of 'em." —Jay Leno

"After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in handcuffs. I think he helped his case when he asked 'These are neat, do they come in smaller sizes?" —Jay Leno

"Now he is out on bail — again he still doesn't get it. When a reporter asked him what he is going to do now, he said, 'I'm going to Disneyland.'" —Jay Leno

"Early today Michael met with his priest — not for spiritual advice, they went on a double date." —Jay Leno

"Michael Jackson turned himself into authorities today and now the court may take away his kids. Don't worry, Michael's working on a deal where he can dangle them on the weekends." —Craig Kilborn

"The saddest part of this Michael Jackson scandal is that all of this could have been avoided if he just stuck to grabbing his own crotch." —Craig Kilborn

"Michael Jackson was arrested yesterday. According to the Santa Barbara Police, Michael Jackson is 5'11 and only weighs 120 pounds. Michael is able to keep his weight down because he only orders off the children's menu." —Conan O'Brien

"Michael says he is going to fight these charges tooth and nail — because those are the only real body parts he has left." —Jay Leno

"Several celebrities have stepped forward to defend Michael Jackson — Woody Harrelson, Roman Polanski, Pete Townsend." —Craig Kilborn

"I can sum up Michael Jackson's legal defense in three words: dead man moonwalking." —Craig Kilborn

"Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for Michael Jackson and today by mistake cops picked up Diana Ross." —Jay Leno

" I guess they got Michael on that new law — 3 tykes and you're out." —Jay Leno

"Did you hear who Michael Jackson's lawyer is? He hired Scott Peterson's attorney Mark Geragos. Geragos' slogan is 'no client too sleazy.' See Michael's smart cause he knows that next to Scott Peterson he looks innocent." —Jay Leno

"Police swarmed all over the Neverland Ranch for 12 hours, about 60 investigators and found a lot of items that needed explaining. Like the wedding photo with Lisa Marie Presley." —David Letterman

"His bail was set at $3 million dollars because he is considered a flight risk. Cause, you know, he could run off anywhere and blend right in." —David Letterman

"If you've been watching television today, so it begins, the Michael Jackson mini-series kicked off. The glee, the salivation in the news people. The CNN logo had an erection. If you looked closely, the 'N' was standing tall. ... By God people, there is a Medicare bill to debate! If only the Senate molested the Medicare bill." —Jon Stewart

"Yesterday federal agents raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara. This isn't good. People are gonna start saying this guy is peculiar. Apparently Michael Jackson was so upset he contacted Rush Limbaugh's housekeeper to get some sedatives." —David Letterman

"I guess they had 60 federal investigators going over the Neverland Ranch property for 12 hours and didn't find anything. But they did turn up OJ's knife." —David Letterman

"Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so upset he dangled himself over a balcony." —Craig Kilborn


__________________________________________________ ________________

Top 10 Jobs Unsuitable for Michael Jackson
10. Pop Singer

9. Zoo Keeper

8. Ice Cream Man

7. Guidance Counselor

6. Children Swimming Instructor

5. Roman Polanski's Traveling Companion

4. Day Care

3. Pediatrician

2. Department Mall Santa

And the Number One Job Not Suitable For Michael Jackson...

1. Roman Catholic Priest


__________________________________________________ _______________________

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Taping of the Jackson Family Special from David Letterman, February 21, 1994

10. How did Tito get the night off from Domino's?
9. Once again, please welcome the Jackson family lawyers!
8. No kidding? He's my plastic surgeon too!
7. That's odd ... I don't remember a Jackson named 'Nipsey'.
6. More fudge, Miss Taylor?
5. Siegfried-Tito, Tito-Siegfried, Roy-Tito, Tito-Roy ...
4. Good News. Brooke has agreed to continue pretending she's dating Michael.
3. What's LaToya doing with that lead pipe?
2. It's great to see Michael grabbing himself again.
1. Sing something, you weirdo!

Top Ten Signs You're Tired of the Olympics from David Letterman, February 25, 1994

10. All that's left of your Olympic fever is a dry hacking cough.
9. You imagine your hands around the throat of that coke-drinking polar bear.
8. You say, "Oh good, 'Hangin with Mr. Cooper' is on tonight."
7. Whenever the Olympic theme music ends you find you've put another fork into the back of your hand.
6. You're NBC President Warren Littlefield.
5. You decide against naming your baby girl Picabo.
4. Your name is Bonnie Blair and you've started using your five gold medals as coasters.
3. Actually watched "The Jackson Family Honors".
2. You beg your son to let you return home to Indiana.
1. No longer laugh at the name Gillooly.

Top Ten Rejected Holiday Specials from David Letterman, December 10, 1996

10. Gallagher Smashes Melons in Bethlehem
9. A Creepy, Creepy Christmas with Michael Jackson
8. Fox TV's "When Reindeer Attack!"
7. A Country Holiday with Martha Stewart and a Bunch of Actors Pretending to Be Her Family
6. The Grinch Who Nailed Mrs. Claus
5. Christmas at Riker's Island: It's A Wonderful 10-Years-to-Life
4. Bob Dole Remembers the Very First Christmas
3. Skunk `n' Gator's Holiday Fiesta
2. The President Who Ate Christmas
1. Richard Simmons' Fruitcake Extravaganza

Top Ten Attractions At The New Michael Jackson Theme Park from David Letterman, July 14, 1998

10. Latoya-Go-Round
9. Diseased Chimp Petting Zoo
8. Mr. Toad's Wild Hyperbaric Chamber
7. Country Bear Crotch-Grabbin' Jamboree
6. Michael's Haunted Pants
5. Guess Tito's Weight
4. Used Surgical Mask Trampoline
3. 20,000 Leagues Under The Scalpel
2. The Lipo-Coaster
1. Deposition Land

Top Ten Killer Bee Pet Peeves from David Letterman, September 14, 1994

10. Horizontal stripes make you look fat.
9. Can't sting Zsa Zsa through all that makeup.
8. Not one single killer bee in Congress.
7. Dershowitz always tacks $300 dinners onto defense tab.
6. When other bees make fun of the size of your stinger in the shower.
5. It's damn near impossible to get those little packages of airline peanuts open!
4. That Honey-nut Cheerios bee -- now there's a first class dweeb!
3. We're natural born killers, yet you don't see Oliver Stone bustin' his ass to make a film about us.
2. Plasticky aftertaste when you sting Michael Jackson.
1. What's the deal with Johnny Depp?

Top Ten Signs Connie Chung Has Gone Nuts from David Letterman, January 06, 1995

10. Signed off Evening News by french kissing Dan Rather
9. Shows up for interviews in Catwoman costume
8. Has accepted marriage proposal from Michael Jackson
7. Born to co-anchor tattoo
6. It was funny at first, but now I'm tired of her busting into my house
5. Closes every broadcast with a Helen Reddy song
4. Thinks CBS eye is watching her in dressing room
3. Yesterday at CBS commissary, knocked Mike Wallace senseless over the last burrito
2. Now trying to have a baby with Richard Simmons
1. While in bed with Maury, keeps yelling, "This just in!"

Top Ten Things Overheard at Graceland on Elvis' 60th Birthday from David Letterman, January 09, 1995

10. It's incredible -- he's actually gained weight since he died!
9. Did that recipe call for eight or nine cups of lard?
8. I'm sorry, Mr. Jackson, the monkey will have to wait outside the gate.
7. I hear Elvis' ghost just signed an endorsement deal with Zima.
6. Put that gun away -- this ain't the White House.
5. Amazing! His bedroom still smells like peanut butter!
4. My name is Mario Cuomo, and I'll be your Graceland tour guide.
3. It could've been worse. She could have married Tito.
2. If Elvis were alive, he'd be perfect for playing 'Would you like to eat that in here?'
1. I'm not an Elvis impersonator, dammit -- I'm Roseanne!

Top Ten MTV Video Music Award Categories Michael Jackson is Nominated In from David Letterman, July 26, 1995

10. Best editing of facial features
9. Outstanding performance in ongoing police investigation
8. Weirdest male artist
7. Weirdest female artist
6. Best performance in a black and white video by artist who isn't really either
5. New video by guy with a brother named Tito
4. Best singer who talks just like Mike Tyson
3. Least life-like nose
2. Best acting in a marriage
1. Best new face

Top Ten Ways the World Would Be Different If it Were Covered With Water from David Letterman, July 28, 1995

10. Packwood putting the moves on a Manatee
9. Top prize for "The Price is Right": Towels!
8. Kevin Costner makes hideously expensive movie about life on dry land
7. It would be "The Blowfish and Hootie," my friend
6. Cab drivers would be forced to bathe whether they want to or not
5. Lots of talk on court TV about O.J.'s "bloody flippers"
4. Michael Jackson would have plastic surgery to look more like a Sea Bass
3. It would be considered perfectly good manners to leak out the window
2. I'd host the show wearing nothing but a Speedo
1. All Mets games rained out

Top Ten Good Things About Global Warming from David Letterman, January 04, 1996

10. Domino's Pizza will not be almost room temperature when it arrives.
9. No more snow for Giants fans to throw.
8. Outside chance the cast of "Friends" will spontaneously combust.
7. Boardrooms across America will begin to look like those naked pictures in National Geographic.
6. Ed Sullivan Theater will heat up to a balmy 34 degrees.
5. Fat guys can make their own gravy.
4. Canada will be able to use a whopping 9% of its landmass.
3. Real bacon will be sold on the streets of New York City (cut to vendor).
2. Can get to see what Michael Jackson really looks like when his face melts.
1. Higher temperature = more golf courses = greater chance O.J. will catch real killers.

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Grammys from David Letterman, February 29, 1996

10. Coolio's gonna put an eye out with that hair!
9. Waiter, there's a nose ring in my soup
8. I can't wait to see who wins 'Best Paternity Settlement'
7. Courtney Love, please report to Lost and Found to pick up your stash
6. Thank God Letterman isn't hosting
5. Kiss is here? I thought all those guys were dead
4. Uh oh -- they've got Eddie Vedder seated next to the guy from Ticketmaster
3. Mr. Jackson, I believe your monkey is in my seat
2. I don't care if you are the president of the United States -- get the hell out of my dressing room
1. Coolio -- Julio, Julio -- Coolio

Top Ten Good Things About Having a Clone from David Letterman, February 26, 1997

10. Send your clone to work in the morning, then spend rest of day watching UP and eating fudge.
9. The two of you can star in an adorable ad campaign for Xerox.
8. At parties, you're no longer automatically the biggest loser in the room.
7. Most interstate highways now feature fast-moving clone lane.
6. You'll get to know Michael Jackson during meetings of the Genetic Oddities Club.
5. No longer have to choose between dating Siegfried and dating Roy.
4. At some point, you'll have entire week of "Jenny Jones" shows devoted to you.
3. Can take advantage of "Clones Eat Free" special at Ponderosa.
2. Your clone can do your jail time while you continue on as First Lady of the United States.
1. Three words: frequent flier miles

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Grammys from David Letterman, February 27, 1997

10. I don't know whether it was Milli or Vanilli, but one of them just parked my car!
9. No, Dr. Kevorkian, we don't need any help with the `Unplugged' segments.
8. I just found Robert Downey Jr. asleep on my dressing room floor.
7. A confused Indonesian guy just gave a million dollars to the band, Presidents of the United States of America.
6. It's only your acceptance speech, Mrs. Clinton. You don't need a lawyer.
5. That's funny -- Marilyn Manson looks completely normal standing next to Michael Jackson.
4. They just brought in Da Noise, but Da Funk is stuck in traffic on the West Side Highway.
3. Oh my God -- Hillary Clinton just left with Rob Zombie!
2. Ellen DeGeneres announced she's a lesbian -- and so did Richard Simmons!
1. Run for your lives! It's Tiny Tim!

Top Ten Rejected Ben and Jerry Flavors from David Letterman, February 24, 1997

10. Rocky Roadkill
9. Cholesterol Chunk
8. Fudge Wapner
7. It Came from Wolf Blitzer's Beard
6. Contraceptive Crunch
5. Last Will and Testa-Mint
4. Marv Sherbert
3. Richard Simmons' Fruit Swirl
2. Michael Jackson's White Chocolate
1. Cookies 'n' Crack

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

Top Ten Space Alien Pick-Up Lines from David Letterman, June 25, 1997

10. How about a close encounter of the pantsless kind?
9. Set phasers on love
8. Are you a carbon-based model?
7. I'd like to wrap my 36 arms around you
6. Are you up for some experimental probing?
5. Want me to introduce you to E.T.?
4. Care to join the Million-Mile High Club?
3. Mind if I burst out of your stomach?
2. Nice asteroid
1. Hi, I'm Michael Jackson

Top Ten Bill Gates Pick-Up Lines from David Letterman, September 29, 1997

10. Haven't I downloaded naked pictures of you before?
9. Just close your eyes and pretend you're using a mouse.
8. Care to run your fingers through my ridiculous five dollar haircut?
7. You haven't lived until you've watched 'Revenge of the Nerds' on laser disc.
6. Looking at you, I'm neither micro nor soft.
5. Do you come here often? I don't, because I'm busy making billions of dollars.
4. How would you like to be my human laptop?
3. So, who do I make the check out to?
2. I beat Michael Jackson for the title of world's richest virgin.
1. I control

Top Ten Guiness Records No One Wants To Break from David Letterman, April 09, 1999

10. Longest-Running Show on CBS
9. Least-Jiggy Human
8. Sweatiest Palm
7. Most Freakish Person Named "Michael Jackson"
6. Most Times in "Price Is Right" Audience Without Being Asked to "Come On Down"
5. Greatest Number of Obscene Phone Calls Received From Tom Bosley
4. Most Times Hit In Face By a Goose While Riding A Roller Coaster
3. First Person To Circle Earth in Wet Corduroy
2. Longest-Running Marriage to Dennis Rodman
1. Longest Fingernails (On Someone Who Doesn't Realize Their Fly Is Open)

Top Ten Effects of Y2K from David Letterman, December 31, 1999

10. Stuff's gonna 'splode.
9. The Big Dipper will fall out of the sky and kill a guy in Sweden.
8. Everyone's voice will suddenly sound exactly like mine.
7. Michael Jackson will finally look in the mirror and say, "My God, what the hell is wrong with me?"
6. There will be a new letter added to the English alphabet--"Ngeepee."
5. A computer glitch will force Bill Gates to pay off every American's credit card.
4. No more answering the phone by saying: "Yello!"
3. Every kid will lose interest in that Pokemon crap.
2. Ricky Martin will become even more "mantastic."
1. Despite assurances from high-ranking officials that it could not happen, refuting decades of conventional scientific wisdom, flying the in the face of smug predictions by so-called experts, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese will become even cheesier.

Top Ten Lisa Marie Presley/Nicolas Cage Explanations from David Letterman, November 29, 2002

10. After three months, people grow apart.
9. She wanted Italian for dinner. He wanted Chinese. So they decided to call it quits.
8. Their divorce was part of an obscure provision of the Homeland Security Bill.
7. They owed favors to a couple of divorce lawyers.
6. I don't know, we were dehydrated?
5. Nicolas gradually realized that he wasn't going to meet Elvis.
4. Another Saddam trick to deflect attention from his weapons program.
3. He's always busy making movies and she's always busy with... uh... whatever it is she does.
2. Lisa Marie intends to match Jennifer Lopez marriage-for-marriage.
1. Once a woman's been married to Michael Jackson, she has certain expectations.

Top Ten Answers To The Question, "How Cold Is It?" from David Letterman, January 21, 2003

10. It's so cold, Saddam Hussein has begun stockpiling weapons-grade tomato soup.
9. It's so cold, Jennifer Lopez has been downgraded from "hot" to "lukewarm".
8. It's so cold, I had to defrost my mail.
7. It's so cold, exotic dancers only removing the first few layers of clothing.
6. It's so cold, people are coming into the Ed Sullivan Theater to warm up.
5. It's so cold, Richard Simmons is wearing long pants.
4. It's so cold, Hans Blix is off to search for chemical weapons in Cancun.
3. It's so cold, people are flocking to "Live with Regis and Kelly!" for the artificial warmth.
2. It's so cold, not only is Ted Williams frozen, but so is Barry Bonds.
1. It's so cold, Michael Jackson is dangling himself in front of a fireplace.

[Mac Daddy]

Hee Hee .. Nice work Neon