[fornicatarachnid]

After reading Kinetics pathetic joke Vampire Stalker I thought it would make a good idea for a new thread.

What is the worst joke you have ever heard ????

[kinetic]

Well, I thought I pulled out all the stops with the vampire joke but here goes.

Why do gorillas have large nostrils?


Because they've got fat fingers.

[fornicatarachnid]

ok here goes .............

[uf4]

i also can have a joke, you know. but i'm not sure this's called worst joke.
start with this one.

[UberLord]

Here is the official Worlds Worst Joke

Q. Whats blue and fluffy?

A. A bit of blue fluff

[Ryo-Ohki]

Q: What's tiny, yellow and very very dangerous ?















A: A canary with the super-user password.


(okay, not really worst joke, but I wanted to post it).

[fornicatarachnid]

Originally posted by UberLord
Here is the official Worlds Worst Joke

Q. Whats blue and fluffy?

A. A bit of blue fluff

lol thats fucking funny !

[Worthless Munkee]

I thin kthis was the worst joke ever but people actually laughed at it, I heard this as i walked by someone saying to his friends. Okay here we go:

A priest, a rabbi and a Caramilk Bar are sitting at a bar,

Then the rabbi turns to the Caramilk bar and says so thats how they get the caramilk into the caramilk bar!

Thats the joke, that is all no more no less, people actually thought this was funny I think its the worst joke ever.

[fornicatarachnid]

Originally posted by UberLord
Here is the official Worlds Worst Joke

Q. Whats blue and fluffy?

A. A bit of blue fluff

This reminded of me of a good bad one .......

Q. Whats hard and sticky ?












A. A stick

[Worthless Munkee]

Q. Whats small green and shaped like a square.
















A. A smal green square

[DallasStar]

Originally posted by Worthless Munkee
I thin kthis was the worst joke ever but people actually laughed at it, I heard this as i walked by someone saying to his friends. Okay here we go:

A priest, a rabbi and a Caramilk Bar are sitting at a bar,

Then the rabbi turns to the Caramilk bar and says so thats how they get the caramilk into the caramilk bar!

Thats the joke, that is all no more no less, people actually thought this was funny I think its the worst joke ever.

Either I don't properly understand this joke..... or that is one stupid joke :hmmm

[Worthless Munkee]

Don't worry there is nothing to understand, that was the joke, i was laughing at how stupid it was when i heard it.

[Greebo_x]

...the last U.S. presidential election. {short drum roll and rim-shot follows}

[digitalwanderer]

...that the worst joke I know is also my favorite one to tell people. It's funnier told aloud, but here goes.

Smartass: "Have you ever noticed that when ducks fly south for the winter in a v-shape that one side of the 'v' is always longer than the other one?"

Gullible1: "Yeah, I noticed that."

Smartass: "Do you know why that is?"

Gullible1: "No, why?"

Smartass: "Because, there's more ducks on that side."

[kinetic]

Originally posted by UberLord
Here is the official Worlds Worst Joke

Q. Whats blue and fluffy?

A. A bit of blue fluff

You said I should be shot after my Vampire joke, well you my friend should be pegged out in the middle of the Sahara after that!

[kinetic]

A ship carrying blue paint has collided with a ship carrying red paint...........the crew are said to be marooned!

[crazy overclock]

Tok tok tok
Who's there?
Anna
Anna who?
Anna mazing joke
*gets ready to get shot*

[Ryoko]

Originally posted by crazy overclock
Tok tok tok
Who's there?
Anna
Anna who?
Anna mazing joke
*gets ready to get shot*

*aims barrett*

BLAM!!!

[uf4]

A woman was with her bridge club when her young son came up to her and
announced, "Mommy, I wanna go to the toilet!"

She scolded him and said, "Don't SAY toilet...WHISPER!

He walked away, hurt, but having learned his lesson.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the boy woke up and crept from his room
to his parents' dark bedroom. He walked up to his father's side of the bed and
sharply poked his slumbering pa until he mumbled, "...wattya want..."

"I wanna whisper!" he said.

"Come on over and whisper in Daddy's ear."

;

[Greebo_x]

jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Orange."
victim: "Orange who?"
jokester: "Orange you glad I didn't say banana??"

[Ryoko]

Originally posted by Greebo_x
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Banana."
victim: "Banana who?"
jokester: "Knock knock."
victim: "Who's there?"
jokester: "Orange."
victim: "Orange who?"
jokester: "Orange you glad I didn't say banana??"

that was a pretty bad joke. kudos

[Ryo-Ohki]

Originally posted by mickapetch
A woman was with her bridge club when her young son came up to her and
announced, "Mommy, I wanna go to the toilet!"

She scolded him and said, "Don't SAY toilet...WHISPER!

He walked away, hurt, but having learned his lesson.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the boy woke up and crept from his room
to his parents' dark bedroom. He walked up to his father's side of the bed and
sharply poked his slumbering pa until he mumbled, "...wattya want..."

"I wanna whisper!" he said.

"Come on over and whisper in Daddy's ear."

;

!!

I knew it in french, but my version wasn't nearly as funny

[uf4]

A man sat next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant
then asked the minister if he would also like a drink...

The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips."

The man handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know there was a choice.

;

[Ryoko]

Originally posted by mickapetch
A man sat next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant
then asked the minister if he would also like a drink...

The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips."

The man handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know there was a choice.

;

that was actually pretty good

[uf4]

Originally posted by Ryoko
that was actually pretty good

Thank You.

Today bonus then
----------------

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts
into laughter and walks out the store.

The next day he comes in again,again buys condoms and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is
somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.

Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after
him,returning 20 minutes later.

" So did you follow him?" Asks the pharmacist.

"Yup."

"Where did he go?"

"Your house."

;

[fornicatarachnid]

Something funny for a change instead of all the crap jokes on here lol.....

Cybersex




Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My
measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have
on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.
I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue
sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm
looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way
down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge,
swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster,
pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My
soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder
and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's
stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air
caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in and out nibbling on you... umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep
your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait,
it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked
bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly
feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my... you know... thing... in
your... you know... woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand
it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans
of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire!
I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: <logged off>

[uf4]

i agree the above is the Worst Joke

[kinetic]

There's a rabbi, a lawyer, and a catholic priest on a cruise ship when it hits an iceberg.

As the ship goes down the rabbi says "Women and children first!"

The lawyer says "Fuck the children!"

The catholic priest says "Have we got time?"

[digitalwanderer]

Originally posted by kinetic
There's a rabbi, a lawyer, and a catholic priest on a cruise ship when it hits an iceberg.

As the ship goes down the rabbi says "Women and children first!"

The lawyer says "**** the children!"

The catholic priest says "Have we got time?"

And the wife reading over my shoulder is too! That ain't exactly "worst joke" league to me, I'm gonna be telling that one to a few people.

[kinetic]

Originally posted by digitalwanderer
And the wife reading over my shoulder is too! That ain't exactly "worst joke" league to me, I'm gonna be telling that one to a few people.

Yeah, I thought it was worth sharing!