[TJ-]

Ok does anyone else have this problem,

Your girlfriend hangs out with her friends who are guys, and you know they are not be trusted. You tell her stuff like "that guy wants to bang you" and she doesnt think so, saying they are just friends. The more you bring it up the more she goes out with them. Its not like i dont trust her, i dont trust them damn guys...espicaly when they drink together

dammit.

I know girls that are my friends i would "do em" in a second, so it has to go the other way around. Guys only want one thing...

or am i wrong?

[pr0digal jenius]

very few of us are to be trusted with other people's women, yes.

I hear ya, but personally, I'd take the route of putting the fear of god in the guys, rather then telling her what to do.

I understand yer trying to protect her, and I don't blame you. But you hafta play both sides of the field in such situations.

[merlinxi]

Hey man,

I have been in a few relationships, and many of the girls have stabbed me in the back, and I have always been faithful to my girlfriends, never once have I cheated. They always have cheated on me. I can tell you this with sincere truth. Listen to me that woman in this world have all the power, they at any time can sue you for sexual harassment, cheat on you and never tell on you, lie to you and you will never know. Listen to me on this please: If she is starting to hang out with these guys HERSELF more and more. Their is something going on. I know for a fact, because shit like this never changes. It's always the same pattern the way it happens, not exatly the same, but preety much the same signs. Right now the only thing you can do is trust her, and if you really feel you don't, their isn't much of a relationship their. First of all how long have you been going out with her, and how long have you known her and how long have you known your friends?

[pr0digal jenius]

Originally Posted by merlinxi

First of all how long have you been going out with her, and how long have you known her and how long have you known your friends?

very good questions

[TJ-]

Originally Posted by merlinxi

Hey man,

I have been in a few relationships, and many of the girls have stabbed me in the back, and I have always been faithful to my girlfriends, never once have I cheated. They always have cheated on me. I can tell you this with sincere truth. Listen to me that woman in this world have all the power, they at any time can sue you for sexual harassment, cheat on you and never tell on you, lie to you and you will never know. Listen to me on this please: If she is starting to hang out with these guys HERSELF more and more. Their is something going on. I know for a fact, because shit like this never changes. It's always the same pattern the way it happens, not exatly the same, but preety much the same signs. Right now the only thing you can do is trust her, and if you really feel you don't, their isn't much of a relationship their. First of all how long have you been going out with her, and how long have you known her and how long have you known your friends?

Well ive known her for about a year, she used to live here with me but is current in adelaide, bout 3 hr plane trip. Shes spose to come back here at the end of the year to live with me. These guys are all punks and dont like them, its not like i can threaten them, cause they are in a different state. The thing that pisses me off is when she says shes having a piss up at her house with them, like 3 guys and one chick, or she goes out to a party and gets drunk with them. And i know what she gets like when shes drunk. Shes real friendly, and guys take advantage of that. I know she would never intellintionaly cheat on me, and i do trust her, but wheen alchol is involved, plus she keeps telling me shes lonly, it makes me think the worst.

[pr0digal jenius]

alcohol + lonely + drunk pricks = bad experiences


Have you tried explaining to her that you're honestly worried and would appreciate it if she'd be careful, if not for her own good then for yours?

[TJ-]

Originally Posted by pr0digal jenius

alcohol + lonely + drunk pricks = bad experiences


Have you tried explaining to her that you're honestly worried and would appreciate it if she'd be careful, if not for her own good then for yours?

many many times, i dont even want to bring it up anymore, she lays the guilt trip on me saying i dont trust her bla bla... i say, i trust you i dont trust the guys, you know how it is... i guess i cant really do anything....

one other big reason im worried is when she comes here (for holiday in few weeks) well i can say i dont really "use protection" (really dont like it) so thats a big thought is she slept with another guy when she was drunk, picked up a disease then gave it to me... thats a big worry...


but it also came to me that i might just be a paraniod computer nerd at least thats what she tells me

[merlinxi]

Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe

I know she would never intellintionaly cheat on me, and i do trust her, but wheen alchol is involved, plus she keeps telling me shes lonly, it makes me think the worst.

Right their man, tells me she is cheating on you. Loneliness will let a girl do many things. In my experience long-distance relationships really do not work out for the better. If she has been getting drunk with them, I can only imagine what has been happening. If your friends are the way they are the way you say they are, then I know someting is going on. Right now you can't accuse, because she will deny, and deny, and deny. Then you will fight. Then she will win, it's the same process all the time. Really in my experience with other peoples problems, the guy most of the time is okay with the long-distance, whilst the girl can't take it. It's weird, but it most cases true. If shit went down, don't ask her. She will be expecting it and ready an answer for you, instead just let her tell you. If you bug her it will make her feel guilty and she will probably do it again.. Why? Because to make herself feel MORE guilty THINKING it will make her tell you. Just try to act normal, look at her moods, see if their are different expressions in her face. See if she changed a little bit the next time you see her. Actions speak louder then words.

Also, girls like to take advantage of nice guys. "Nice guys finish last..." My girlfriend of a year and 6 months in the first 4 months of our relationship did something behind my back. It wasn't a BIG deal, but pissed me off none-the-less. So i gave her a guilt trip she could never forget. I never let a woman take advantage of me anymore from all the shit I experienced, and known that can and could happen, with certain signs and situations.

[pr0digal jenius]

long distance relationships can work, it just depends on the environments...but drunk in a house with several guys doesn't sound like a healthy environment to me, no

[TJ-]

Originally Posted by merlinxi

Right their man, tells me she is cheating on you. Loneliness will let a girl do many things. In my experience long-distance relationships really do not work out for the better. If she has been getting drunk with them, I can only imagine what has been happening. If your friends are the way they are the way you say they are, then I know someting is going on. Right now you can't accuse, because she will deny, and deny, and deny. Then you will fight. Then she will win, it's the same process all the time. Really in my experience with other peoples problems, the guy most of the time is okay with the long-distance, whilst the girl can't take it. It's weird, but it most cases true. If shit went down, don't ask her. She will be expecting it and ready an answer for you, instead just let her tell you. If you bug her it will make her feel guilty and she will probably do it again.. Why? Because to make herself feel MORE guilty THINKING it will make her tell you. Just try to act normal, look at her moods, see if their are different expressions in her face. See if she changed a little bit the next time you see her. Actions speak louder then words.

you scaring me man

[pr0digal jenius]

Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe

but it also came to me that i might just be a paraniod computer nerd at least thats what she tells me

ANy girl who plays off genuine concerns you have as "shut up, nerdling" has got to go...sorry...that's just really shitty right there.

[merlinxi]

I don't mean to scare you, I mean to prepare you for the worst. Or the better. Situations like this are fucked up. I know how it feels, unfortunetly. Just lookin' out for my fellow driver heaven people. It hurts, it hurts like you are englufed in fire from 10,000 pipes exploding at the same time, whilst walking on spikes in a boiler room.

[TJ-]

Originally Posted by pr0digal jenius

ANy girl who plays off genuine concerns you have as "shut up, nerdling" has got to go...sorry...that's just really shitty right there.

well she kinda says it in a good way, she says its cute i know that not real manly, but when im with her she always want me to teach her stuff on the comp... I think its not a bad thing that i know how do to stuff cause her friends are all dumb as a brick

Originally Posted by merlinxi

I don't mean to scare you, I mean to prepare you for the worst. Or the better. Situations like this are fucked up. I know how it feels, unfortunetly. Just lookin' out for my fellow driver heaven people. It hurts, it hurts like you are englufed in fire from 10,000 pipes exploding at the same time, whilst working on spikes in a boiler room.

yes yes yes!. but i dont want to think the worst, im trying to be positive, i really do like this chick and dont want to dump her over some suspicians, i need some solid proof, but so far its just all in my head... or is it... thats what i cant figure out

[Callandor]

I've never had a gf, so I'm sorry, I can't help you on that one.

[dj_stick]

i tend to think of it this way:
I don't mind if my girlfriend goes out with her guy friends, because i know i can trust her. If there's no trust there's no relationship
if she breaks that trust, she goes.

[jasonbourne]

i really think that u should teel ur gf to stop doing that!!it's like u said u said u trust her and not the guys!!and it's like pj said alcohol + lonely + drunk pricks = bad experiences

[bug77]

As it looks, you already know what's going on (don't kidd yourself). So the question is: what are you going to do about it? The answer is simple as well. But since I'm not in your shoes... It's up to you man.
BTW: Why did you get involved with such a girl in the first place?

[studbagel9]

I dont' really know anyone in this thread in real life or are even good friends with them online, but from experience, you shouldn't wait for proof, because it will come after or at the time she breaks up with you. Almost every girl you'll ever meet is the same when it comes to that, and I know you may like her, maybe even love her, but if she won't even listen to you about this shit, can you really say she feels the same? I think you need to look at this thing really hard and have a good talk with this girl before she comes to live with you, because that's going to open an entirely different can of worms that is exponentially worse than the situation you have now. Like I said, you may love this girl, but you owe it to yourself to either get some straight answers, and then stay with her, or if you're still having doubts, just end it dude. You can't go through a relationship always wondering whether or not your significant other is faithful. This conversation is bringing up some bad memories so I'll end it here. My two cents: follow the advice of the other guys here aXe and get out while you can.

[Vikingod]

your not crazy, you shouldn't trust them. How old are you and your girl, how serious? these are things to be considered. I was with a girl for four years and she left me for some ass that wanted to be a pro wrestler and a michael jackson impersonator (doesnt say much about me, shit.) Oh well, it pretty much contributed to me meeting my wife (who was a once girlfriend of a best friend of mine). People should not be trusted. There are like three friends I would trust with my life, wife, and money. Not to sounds paranoid, but experience has taught me well, and rough. Good luck.

[Zardon]

20 years+ of experience with women and from reading your comments. Ive the answer to this, but you wont like it.

She is already cheating on you, the fact she is calling you paranoid, and still doing it and the other things you said, all link back to the fact she is playing around.

It happened to me once, and it only happened once (once you learn), because these women are users and abusers and you treat them the way they treat you. trust me on this, this situation you have described is a classic female player situation.

Next time you talk to her and she says, "im hanging out with my male friends and going partying", you reply with "oh really? hey thats great, well if you need me you have my mobile, but if I dont reply ill be out at **insert club name* with **insert friends name**.

Get her out of your head and move on now, but dont dump her, just string her along and meet someone else while you are doing so - dont return calls, dont answer the phone, pick it up occassionally and say you were busy or out, etc etc.

Dont fall for the games, play your own and beat them, works a treat - once they get deprived of the attention and the fact they know you arent running around like a love sick puppy they wont know how to handle it. Unless you are a paranoid insecure person, always trust your instincts, you will know when something is right. Trust me.

Get used to it by the way, half of all women now are users and abusers man ! Just take what you need and move on.

[bug77]

Just what I was trying to avoid writing down... As always, Zardon is the man.
But I still remember that it looks much more complicated when you're involved in situation like this yourself. Doesn't affect the outcome, but it looks different when it comes to you.

[Callandor]

Originally Posted by Zardon

20 years+ of experience with women and from reading your comments. Ive the answer to this, but you wont like it.

She is already cheating on you, the fact she is calling you paranoid, and still doing it and the other things you said, all link back to the fact she is playing around.

It happened to me once, and it only happened once (once you learn), because these women are users and abusers and you treat them the way they treat you. trust me on this, this situation you have described is a classic female player situation.

Next time you talk to her and she says, "im hanging out with my male friends and going partying", you reply with "oh really? hey thats great, well if you need me you have my mobile, but if I dont reply ill be out at **insert club name* with **insert friends name**.

Get her out of your head and move on now, but dont dump her, just string her along and meet someone else while you are doing so - dont return calls, dont answer the phone, pick it up occassionally and say you were busy or out, etc etc.

Dont fall for the games, play your own and beat them, works a treat - once they get deprived of the attention and the fact they know you arent running around like a love sick puppy they wont know how to handle it. Unless you are a paranoid insecure person, always trust your instincts, you will know when something is right. Trust me.

Get used to it by the way, half of all women now are users and abusers man ! Just take what you need and move on.

The depraved monk himself has spoken.

[Jitter]

I have a few girl friends, some of them I would "do" others its strictly a friendship. However that being said out of the group of guys she hangs out w/ the chances are at least a couple of them like her as more than a friend. I think its very hard for guys to have strictly friendship feelings toward semi-attractive nice female friends. I dont think its true that guys only want sex ( i know I dont anyways), but it really doesnt sound like a good situation. I would ask her how she would feel if you were hanging out w/ a bunch of girls drinking maybe that would put it into perspective. If she says she wouldnt care she is either lying or truly doesnt care. In either case I would probably dump her. I was in a long distance relationship for a few years and it didnt turn out well. There were alot of trust issues and it did turn out my ex was cheating on me (she ended up pregnant to another guy). If you really think this girl is meant for you, then I believe one of you is going to have to make a huge descision and move. If you dont think she is or could be "the one", then I dont think that its worth all the stress you are going through.

[pr0digal jenius]

Originally Posted by Zardon

20 years+ of experience with women and from reading your comments. Ive the answer to this, but you wont like it.

She is already cheating on you, the fact she is calling you paranoid, and still doing it and the other things you said, all link back to the fact she is playing around.

It happened to me once, and it only happened once (once you learn), because these women are users and abusers and you treat them the way they treat you. trust me on this, this situation you have described is a classic female player situation.

Next time you talk to her and she says, "im hanging out with my male friends and going partying", you reply with "oh really? hey thats great, well if you need me you have my mobile, but if I dont reply ill be out at **insert club name* with **insert friends name**.

Get her out of your head and move on now, but dont dump her, just string her along and meet someone else while you are doing so - dont return calls, dont answer the phone, pick it up occassionally and say you were busy or out, etc etc.

Dont fall for the games, play your own and beat them, works a treat - once they get deprived of the attention and the fact they know you arent running around like a love sick puppy they wont know how to handle it. Unless you are a paranoid insecure person, always trust your instincts, you will know when something is right. Trust me.

Get used to it by the way, half of all women now are users and abusers man ! Just take what you need and move on.

Well put...and just a side note, of the half that aren't "users and abusers", atleast 3/4 of them are one of the following:
A- psycho
B- fat/ugly
C- diehard religious zealots who wont kiss you cuz it isn't in the bible
D- boring.as.hell.
E - never shut up (take me out take me out take me out)
F- clingy beyond belief(call you at work "do you miss me yet, cuz i miss you" and you reply "baby, I just left an hour ago")
G - some combination/all of the above


That said...when you find a keeper, hang on for dear life!

But yes, the more I read this, the more I tend to agree: you're being played for a sucker...long distance at that.

And to add to Big Z's list of tricks, if it's a cell phone....hang up when you dont feel like talking and when she asks say your call got dropped.

[Geminiwave]

YES ZARDON! I was writing a very similar thing, and I'm only 18. HAH I guess there's a reason why everyone says I'm an old man at heart.

Dude I'm sorry to say this, but she really is cheating on you, or worse. She is using you. Either way she has ABSOLUTELY no respect for you. And just cause she says mean things "in a cute way" doesnt mean its okay. In fact, its worse. Shes a discusting individual and you need to confront her. If she keeps trying to twirl her hair and wink her way out of things, you need to cut her off. Seriously...

I had a long distance relationship for about a year. I was deeply in love with her and we both assumed that we'd be togeather for a very long time(never assume that. its a killer). Theres lots of details but ima cut it as short as possible cause i got class soon. Basically I hadnt seen her in awhile.

Anyway well my friend Gaby called me up and asked me if I could come to france for the summer. I said No cause I didnt have enough money for the plane ticket. She said "oh that should be arriving any minute now. I shipped one to you!" (im not joking. I gave this girl a tour of seattle when I was a freshman and she remembered this years later)

So I went to france. I talked to my girlfriend while I was in france alot and she was telling me all about the partying she was doing with guys and shit. I felt jealous, but I didnt say a word because i was like "hey now you're just being paranoid" but I knew those guys...they were....yeah they were the type to put the moves on.

Anyway she went to hawaii for a special program where you get to take college courses as a kid in another state(she picked Hawaii) and stay in college dorms. The sick part is that there are no parents around or chaperones(sp?) and nobody knows that the kids in the dorms are underage(cept that alot looked like it).

Well she stopped talking to me entirely. She wouldnt IM me, or email me or anything. I assumed that she was too busy or that they had cut her internet(they sometimes do that). I was checking my email and it said that her Blog had been active so I went over and read it. She made TONS of entries several times a day. All about freak dancing with these dudes, or getting freakin drunk and driving around with college guys and shit and I couldnt bear it. I emailed her and was like "LOOK JUST CAUSE IM IN FRANCE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT HURT TO CHEAT ON ME!" and left it at that. She emailed me back and was like "oh Ben...you're so cute when you're paranoid. Stop wigging out." And I took that to mean "Im not cheating on you silly." Yeah...3 months later when she dumps me in the middle of a weekend trip, I find out that she kinda had been. And wanted to more.

sigh.

Yeah dude she is definately either cheating on you or using you. PLEASE make her talk to you about this. If she wont, she needs to get the boot to the door.

[pr0digal jenius]

I suddenly feel very lucky that my girlfriend has been there as I left her when i returned from all the vacations I've gone on (2 weeks in Seattle, 3-4 days in Ohio, week in Florida, etc)



I'm all for "trust until proven otherwise"....but well...my money is on her giving that proof before too terribly long

[daedal]

Originally Posted by Zardon

Dont fall for the games, play your own and beat them, works a treat - once they get deprived of the attention and the fact they know you arent running around like a love sick puppy they wont know how to handle it. Unless you are a paranoid insecure person, always trust your instincts, you will know when something is right. Trust me.

Exactly! I used to be in that kind of a relationship; she would always be hanging out with her guy friends and going to clubs so I thought, you know what, screw her so I went out with my friends meeting new people and such and after a while, she started calling me for news and wondering how I've been.

Either way, I say don't go the the Guilt card. Drop her, cold turkey. I don't mind dump her but I do mean stop your routine communications and if she still cares, she'll come crawling back. Push her away, tell her you've been busy with "things". You basically have to show her that she's not your priority anymore and she'll fight to get you back or, and let's hope that doesn't happen, will stop calling completely.

That's what I did. Found a better one too; been with her for a year now and I couldn't be happier. (Oh, and she doesn't drink or go clubbing which is awesome..)

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe

1) Your girlfriend hangs out with her friends who are guys, and you know they are not be trusted.

2) You tell her stuff like "that guy wants to bang you" and she doesn’t think so, saying they are just friends. The more you bring it up the more she goes out with them.

3) Its not like I don’t trust her, I don’t trust them damn guys...epically when they drink together dammit.

1) Um, you allow that? With just “guys”, Far as you know their gang banging her everything you turn you back, you’re not married remember that. her friends are he friends they don't give a rats arse about you...95% of guys that are friends with girls want to fuck them or probably would. (Unless their fat and ugly then only 80% ) They are her friends so they won't tell you s***. If you where to dump her tomorrow 80% chance he'd be out with one of those friends that same night or the next day.... No one has you back it be better if one of your friends where to "tag" along. Not that they wouldn't screw her but they might tell you if she gets out of line with other the guys...

2) Why in the Sam hell would you do that? Telling her guys want to fuck her as if you’re Okaying, promoting it or something

3) Bingo, babe + booze = easy SEX, it removes inhibitions and gets them aroused, after a couple shots

If she goes out with a guy "friend" to do of se something it's date! Just because if its more then one guy means nothing. If she’s out drinking and doing s*** why aren't you there?

Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe

many times, I don’t even want to bring it up anymore, she lays the guilt trip on me saying I don’t trust her bla bla... I say, I trust you I don’t trust the guys, you know how it is... I guess I cant really do anything....

Only time I ever herd that was when a b**** was cheating on me. Last I herd she’s been with 50-100 guys since back then

Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe

one other big reason I am worried is when she comes here (for holiday in few weeks) well I can say I don’t really "use protection" (really don’t like it) so thats a big thought is she slept with another guy when she was drunk, picked up a disease then gave it to me... that’s a big worry...

Privately get a check for std’s… I’d re consider using condoms … Can you imaging her getting knocked up and not knowing if it’s yours!

Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe

yes yes yes!. but I don’t want to think the worst, im trying to be positive, i really do like this chick and don’t want to dump her over some suspicions, I need some solid proof, but so far its just all in my head... or is it... that’s what i cant figure out

Well you have to get covert, carefully check her purse when she’s asleep or long what she is doing on the internet can gives you dead giveaways.





Snippits removed...that was just more then I cared to read
---PJ

[Chubby_C]

It's different if she's hanging out with friends of yours that you know and trust, however dealing with out of state and all that shit. Kick your garbage to the curb.

[Necrosis]

Here is another twist on this. I'm friends with quite a few number of females, some /w boyfriends, and some even with husbands. However, the big difference here is.

1. The guys know me, and knows my intentions because I talk to him and let him get to know me.

2. If we go out some where he knows where we are, what we're doing, and when she'll be back. We don't do date type stuff either. It's either going shopping, or out to eat to catch up.

3. I don't party with my involved female friends.

4. I don't drink with them unless I'm at their place, and he's there.

5. I don't hang out around them all the time, it's only once in awhile.

6. If I ever stop by, and he's not there I don't go in. I never get in a situation where I'm alone with them because it's a matter of principle. I even do this my with male friends /w GF's and/or wifes.