have you ever had to tell someone that they cannot be your friend?

Geminiwave · May 13, 2005, 06:20 PM

Okay so we all have this happen at some point. Theres SOMEONE out there that you cannot be friends with. No matter HOW much of an extrovert you are, you wont get along with everyone. Normally you just drop hints though, right? Like theres an unspoken language and you can generally convey the idea to someone without openly saying it...and (at least usually) there isnt really any fallout from this.

Well my my ex kept insisting she wanted to be friends but she was driving me crazy. The entire time she was just either trying to make me jealous, or win me back, or just being a pain. In the end i kept distancing myself and she'd start screamign at me more and more about what an ass I was because I never returned her message that night(nevermind she called at 11, I wasnt home, and nobody gave me the message)

in any case, she wasnt getting it so I, as nicely as possible, told her that we cannot be friends(at least not for a while until she gets herself a bit more stable). I felt bad that it upset her so much (put her in another screaming rage) but man im actually happier now.

Anyway have you guys ever had to tell someone outright that you cannot be friends?

YAYitsAndrew · May 13, 2005, 06:29 PM

They've always gotten the hints. Your situation doesn't really apply though. Girlfriends are a whole 'nother thing. Someone may disagree but it's my belief that you can never actually be normal friends with someone you were emotionally attached to. Hanging out with her is always gonna be awkward, cause it's like you're still going out but you don't get all the hands-on benefits. She probably knows that and that's why she wants to be friends so bad; you'll come clawing back.

Just put up the walls. If you really don't want to see this girl again then make it like you don't exist. Everyone moves on given enough time, but for her hanging out is the same as hanging on and you'll just extend the time needed.

>GSXR<mrbusa · May 13, 2005, 06:30 PM

when i was in my early twenties i had been i a relationship with this girl for around three years.well i was partying alot and we just brought each other down.i tried and tried to break it off and she never got the hint and there was alot there so she thought we were married or something.finally i got this idea to let her catch me with another female and the closest and easiest at the time just so happened to be her little sister who was 17 or 18.she was sleeping in one morning and walked out to fine me and her sister in the kitchen.didnt take long after that to have my appartment all to myself and her little sister.

peace out

Geminiwave · May 13, 2005, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by >GSXR<mrbusa

when i was in my early twenties i had been i a relationship with this girl for around three years.well i was partying alot and we just brought each other down.i tried and tried to break it off and she never got the hint and there was alot there so she thought we were married or something.finally i got this idea to let her catch me with another female and the closest and easiest at the time just so happened to be her little sister who was 17 or 18.she was sleeping in one morning and walked out to fine me and her sister in the kitchen.didnt take long after that to have my appartment all to myself and her little sister.

peace out

....thats ONE way to do it.

one slightly disturbing way I should mention

I dunno I'm friends with one of my exes. The rest, nope. But the ex that im friends with...I dunno we like hung out and had some fun..and then screwed around(if you get my drift) but we never really felt emotionally attatched. At least I didnt. I liked her, but not enough to get terribly upset about breaking things off later.

pr0digal jenius · May 13, 2005, 06:51 PM

going out with someone is sort of like putting saying "ok, we're goin all the way, or nowhere at all"....very rarely can you come out of it without hating the other person(or being hated by them, anyways)

Drakon · May 13, 2005, 07:10 PM

Hey man, you told her you don't want to be friends, and if she can't accept that, then it's her problem, not your's. no need to feel sorry about anything. i think it's quite obvisious that this girl has some serious issues to work out. just be glad u're still not together...

Geminiwave · May 13, 2005, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drakon

Hey man, you told her you don't want to be friends, and if she can't accept that, then it's her problem, not your's. no need to feel sorry about anything. i think it's quite obvisious that this girl has some serious issues to work out. just be glad u're still not together...

yeah thats definately true.

its actually her issues that are the main reason why I just wont be friends with her. Shes got some major emotional issues and she just gets really clingy and jealous and shit. Shes totally jealous of this mutual friend of ours and I dont even get it. I mean I feel bad for her cause shes had some rough times in her life, but not THAT rough. In any case im really glad she isnt calling anymore. she was so annoying. She'd call at the worst times and get REALLY annoying if I said i was busy and had to go. She'd be like "no i bet you're with some GIRL and you just dont WANT to talk to me" And occasionally I would be with a girl and its like "uh...yeah I have a guest over and its rude to be on the phone."

anyway uhg its so frustraiting. She goes to my college right now too and its such a small campus. Plus shes decided that the Student Events Center is her personal space and basically I can't go there anymore because she'll just yell at me. Shes there ALL THE TIME now too!

uhg anyway. Exes usually arent the most fun to deal with, but I've always felt previously that it wasnt anyoenes fault. It was just you know...bad circumstances. this is the firs time that I really felt like I was justified in giving her the boot and that she was ENTIRELY messed up.

nuG · May 14, 2005, 07:44 PM

The only one love i need is my bong. it doesnt argue with me, and doesnt cheat on me.

~~torrobinson~~ · May 14, 2005, 08:18 PM

Even though I'm a HUGE loner (i mean the HUGEST loner in my school), I've had to twice because these people were even dumber and though because we were boith loners, we could be friends.
Speaking of friends, this is pretty sad. For 3 years I lived in the same town as my best friend. Then about a year ago, right before we moved, his parents started alot of fighting, and are in a divorce-state. They were HUGE christians and very nice. But ever since my frineds mom moved away to be with another guy, he's made no attempts to contact me, and when I did contact him, he seems mad at everything. Even god-he said "oh so your parents are bribing you to believe in God?!". He completely changed his attitude towards everything, is doing worse in school, and probably won't be my friend again ALL because his dad set up a Keylogger and saw his wife chatting to another guy

The_Neon_Cowboy · May 15, 2005, 06:03 AM

no i' havn't... You bad bad man!

(

)

Rayder · May 15, 2005, 09:19 AM

Yeah, I knew a dude that I had to get rid of....

He started me into PC's. That wasn't so bad, but he was a scammer, and a bad one at that.

I don't really want to go into the whole story, it would fill a book. To make a long story short...(well, as condensed as I can make anyway)

I knew the dude since 3rd grade. I really didn't see him for what he was until after graduation. He was a complete loser. Couldn't keep a job, any money he made went straight to his weed addiction. Never paid taxes, always tried to say everyone owed him money when he was the charity case in our circle of friends...well one of them anyway, sponged off his parents constantly.....

Even his parents started moving and not telling him where they lived, he was that pathetic.

At any rate, a few years ago (around 1998) he comes over wanting me to give him a ride somewhere. Well, I was about to start a new job (through a temp service) and needed to scope out where the place was that I was getting sent to. He got angry because I didn't have time to take him wherever it was he wanted to go.

That was the last straw with this guy. I told him to GO AWAY! He was like, "Man, what's your problem?" I told him that I had things to do and I had no time to waste on him and his worthless, scamming endeavers and to just get away from me. He wanders off grumbling....

Shortly after all that, my bro and I moved to a new place. Naturally, this bum stops over. My bro is into electronic projects big-time, testing equipment and projects, not to mention expensive stereo equipment and VCR's and other high-tech electronics everywhere and we didn't want him seeing any of it and getting any ideas that we we going to GIVE him anything (that's the way he was). I didn't even open the door, I just told him (through the closed door) to GO AWAY! It took like 10 minutes of me telling him this, then finally pretending like he wasn't there for him to get the idea and finally leave.

Now, we have what we call our "No Paulie sign" on the door window. It's a pic of the dude (his jail mug-shot no less) with a red circle with a line through it.

He hasn't bothered us since and we, as well as our PC's have been much happier and have had alot less problems ever since.

100% true. And there is boat loads of other stupidity with this dude that I didn't even mention....

Sandok · May 15, 2005, 09:28 AM

I had a similar prob Gem with a "semi ex" or whatever you want to call it...

It's very complicated so I won't go into it but in that case, she had more or less busted my heart (and at the same time her's too according to her friends, go figure

) and I just didn't want to have a part of my life anymore. We were having MAJOR probs for a little while but then I apoligised and just told her to leave me alone.

Of course, women never understand the "leave me alone" part and she kept on insiting on me being her friend. I simply stopped meeting her and she bombarded my emails

Anyways, so I kept on tellin her, I'll tell ya next week, and then, in two weeks, etc...

She still didn't stop annoying me so I just told her quite firmly: No, you've made my life hell and it's all your fault and blablabla... And there, haven't ever spoken to her since but now that I think about it, I should have been friends...

Oh well, you learn from your mistakes (unfortunately, I made this mistake QUITE a few times, I wonder when I'll learn

)

Geminiwave · May 15, 2005, 09:26 PM

Well heres my thing..

why do exes always say "Lets be friends" and rarely mean it? Like some are just saying that with absolutely no intention on making good on it. Others(like kelley) are using it as a way to get you back...and uhg its so frustraiting.

Why can females not figure out that sometimes you just need to not see eachother. Its not a bad thing...you just cant handle it.

I swear I wouldnt be despising Kelley so much now if she had just taken the hint and left me alone. The only way she'd get it is if I was mean and now she hates me, I hate her, and if I ever go near her "possee" they'll threaten me (bunch of fucking little kids too)

May 13, 2005, 06:20 PM	#1
Geminiwave I Have lovely Breasts Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: In the closet... Posts: 5,395 Rep Power: 64	have you ever had to tell someone that they cannot be your friend? Okay so we all have this happen at some point. Theres SOMEONE out there that you cannot be friends with. No matter HOW much of an extrovert you are, you wont get along with everyone. Normally you just drop hints though, right? Like theres an unspoken language and you can generally convey the idea to someone without openly saying it...and (at least usually) there isnt really any fallout from this. Well my my ex kept insisting she wanted to be friends but she was driving me crazy. The entire time she was just either trying to make me jealous, or win me back, or just being a pain. In the end i kept distancing myself and she'd start screamign at me more and more about what an ass I was because I never returned her message that night(nevermind she called at 11, I wasnt home, and nobody gave me the message) in any case, she wasnt getting it so I, as nicely as possible, told her that we cannot be friends(at least not for a while until she gets herself a bit more stable). I felt bad that it upset her so much (put her in another screaming rage) but man im actually happier now. Anyway have you guys ever had to tell someone outright that you cannot be friends? __________________

May 13, 2005, 06:29 PM	#2
YAYitsAndrew Anti-Piracy Poster Boy Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: NJ Posts: 2,605 Rep Power: 79 System Specs	They've always gotten the hints. Your situation doesn't really apply though. Girlfriends are a whole 'nother thing. Someone may disagree but it's my belief that you can never actually be normal friends with someone you were emotionally attached to. Hanging out with her is always gonna be awkward, cause it's like you're still going out but you don't get all the hands-on benefits. She probably knows that and that's why she wants to be friends so bad; you'll come clawing back. Just put up the walls. If you really don't want to see this girl again then make it like you don't exist. Everyone moves on given enough time, but for her hanging out is the same as hanging on and you'll just extend the time needed. __________________ "It is because the resistance to paying for copyrighted material, although often characterized as arising from a supposed technical burden or principled concern for the public interest, arises rather from exactly the same segment of the brain that is dominant in shoplifters." - Mark Helprin, Digital Barbarism In other words, it's never okay to steal even if you think you have a good reason! www.yayitsandrew.com

May 14, 2005, 07:44 PM	#8
nuG is having a sexy party Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: East Coast Posts: 1,779 Rep Power: 0	The only one love i need is my bong. it doesnt argue with me, and doesnt cheat on me. __________________ [COLOR=Black][/COLOR]

May 15, 2005, 06:03 AM	#10
The_Neon_Cowboy HardwareHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 16,009 Rep Power: 92 System Specs	no i' havn't... You bad bad man! () __________________

May 15, 2005, 09:26 PM	Thread Starter #13
Geminiwave I Have lovely Breasts Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: In the closet... Posts: 5,395 Rep Power: 64	Well heres my thing.. why do exes always say "Lets be friends" and rarely mean it? Like some are just saying that with absolutely no intention on making good on it. Others(like kelley) are using it as a way to get you back...and uhg its so frustraiting. Why can females not figure out that sometimes you just need to not see eachother. Its not a bad thing...you just cant handle it. I swear I wouldnt be despising Kelley so much now if she had just taken the hint and left me alone. The only way she'd get it is if I was mean and now she hates me, I hate her, and if I ever go near her "possee" they'll threaten me (bunch of fucking little kids too) __________________

May 13, 2005, 06:30 PM	#3
>GSXR<mrbusa im a FREAK Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 2,107 Rep Power: 0 System Specs	when i was in my early twenties i had been i a relationship with this girl for around three years.well i was partying alot and we just brought each other down.i tried and tried to break it off and she never got the hint and there was alot there so she thought we were married or something.finally i got this idea to let her catch me with another female and the closest and easiest at the time just so happened to be her little sister who was 17 or 18.she was sleeping in one morning and walked out to fine me and her sister in the kitchen.didnt take long after that to have my appartment all to myself and her little sister. peace out

May 13, 2005, 06:51 PM	#5
pr0digal jenius Delete Me Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 14,648 Rep Power: 0	going out with someone is sort of like putting saying "ok, we're goin all the way, or nowhere at all"....very rarely can you come out of it without hating the other person(or being hated by them, anyways)

May 13, 2005, 07:10 PM	#6
Drakon DriverHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Floatin'... Posts: 4,957 Rep Power: 0	Hey man, you told her you don't want to be friends, and if she can't accept that, then it's her problem, not your's. no need to feel sorry about anything. i think it's quite obvisious that this girl has some serious issues to work out. just be glad u're still not together...

May 14, 2005, 08:18 PM	#9
~~torrobinson~~ Banned Join Date: May 2005 Location: Sherwood Park, Alberta Posts: 173 Rep Power: 0	Even though I'm a HUGE loner (i mean the HUGEST loner in my school), I've had to twice because these people were even dumber and though because we were boith loners, we could be friends. Speaking of friends, this is pretty sad. For 3 years I lived in the same town as my best friend. Then about a year ago, right before we moved, his parents started alot of fighting, and are in a divorce-state. They were HUGE christians and very nice. But ever since my frineds mom moved away to be with another guy, he's made no attempts to contact me, and when I did contact him, he seems mad at everything. Even god-he said "oh so your parents are bribing you to believe in God?!". He completely changed his attitude towards everything, is doing worse in school, and probably won't be my friend again ALL because his dad set up a Keylogger and saw his wife chatting to another guy

May 15, 2005, 09:19 AM	#11
Rayder Mostly lurking lately.... Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 2,161 Rep Power: 73	Yeah, I knew a dude that I had to get rid of.... He started me into PC's. That wasn't so bad, but he was a scammer, and a bad one at that. I don't really want to go into the whole story, it would fill a book. To make a long story short...(well, as condensed as I can make anyway) I knew the dude since 3rd grade. I really didn't see him for what he was until after graduation. He was a complete loser. Couldn't keep a job, any money he made went straight to his weed addiction. Never paid taxes, always tried to say everyone owed him money when he was the charity case in our circle of friends...well one of them anyway, sponged off his parents constantly..... Even his parents started moving and not telling him where they lived, he was that pathetic. At any rate, a few years ago (around 1998) he comes over wanting me to give him a ride somewhere. Well, I was about to start a new job (through a temp service) and needed to scope out where the place was that I was getting sent to. He got angry because I didn't have time to take him wherever it was he wanted to go. That was the last straw with this guy. I told him to GO AWAY! He was like, "Man, what's your problem?" I told him that I had things to do and I had no time to waste on him and his worthless, scamming endeavers and to just get away from me. He wanders off grumbling.... Shortly after all that, my bro and I moved to a new place. Naturally, this bum stops over. My bro is into electronic projects big-time, testing equipment and projects, not to mention expensive stereo equipment and VCR's and other high-tech electronics everywhere and we didn't want him seeing any of it and getting any ideas that we we going to GIVE him anything (that's the way he was). I didn't even open the door, I just told him (through the closed door) to GO AWAY! It took like 10 minutes of me telling him this, then finally pretending like he wasn't there for him to get the idea and finally leave. Now, we have what we call our "No Paulie sign" on the door window. It's a pic of the dude (his jail mug-shot no less) with a red circle with a line through it. He hasn't bothered us since and we, as well as our PC's have been much happier and have had alot less problems ever since. 100% true. And there is boat loads of other stupidity with this dude that I didn't even mention....

May 15, 2005, 09:28 AM	#12
Sandok DriverHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 9,472 Rep Power: 0	I had a similar prob Gem with a "semi ex" or whatever you want to call it... It's very complicated so I won't go into it but in that case, she had more or less busted my heart (and at the same time her's too according to her friends, go figure ) and I just didn't want to have a part of my life anymore. We were having MAJOR probs for a little while but then I apoligised and just told her to leave me alone. Of course, women never understand the "leave me alone" part and she kept on insiting on me being her friend. I simply stopped meeting her and she bombarded my emails Anyways, so I kept on tellin her, I'll tell ya next week, and then, in two weeks, etc... She still didn't stop annoying me so I just told her quite firmly: No, you've made my life hell and it's all your fault and blablabla... And there, haven't ever spoken to her since but now that I think about it, I should have been friends... Oh well, you learn from your mistakes (unfortunately, I made this mistake QUITE a few times, I wonder when I'll learn )