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| Off-Topic Forum A place to chill and relax ... |
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Jun 16, 2005, 05:08 AM
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127.0.0.1
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feeling lost...
Feeling lost. You never know what to do. No matter how hard you try, you are always being kept being pushed back, into despair.
You are lost. You are who you are, there is no doubt about that. You are talented, you are masterful, you are gifted. That is who you are. Yet with your skills, you still feel so very small. So powerless. You yern for opportunity. It never presents itself. When it does, it is not what you want. You are consumed by everything around you. You only know of one way out. You feel the best way out, is to become nothing more than a memory. Being a memory you feel is the best way to solve everything. Being a memory will mean you will have nothing, that you will be nobody. But what does it matter what you will be, if that is what you are right now? Yet you do not want to be a memory. You realize that you still have friends and family around you that love you. These people enjoy your company. You enjoy their company. The only person you feel that challenges you is your own father. You feel that he is the cause of all your problems. You feel that because of him, you cannot do what you want, what you desire. He wants says he wants what is best for you. You want this as well. But then, the feeling of being lost consumes you once again. Feeling lost. Feeling alone. The only thing that makes you happy, that makes you feel like you are somebody or something is spending money. What good does that do you if you have none to spend? Going to school is the only way to make more money to give you that money to spend. That is where it all lies in. All your problems. All your worries. Again, you are lost.... You have truly loved somebody in the past. You betrayed that love, by seeing a different person. That different person ruined your whole life. You regret what you have done. Your true love has now met somebody else. You are jealous. You are enraged. You are angry. You have no hope for finding the perfect person once again. All you have are just the memories of that person you loved. You remember her touch, her laugh, her eyes, her love for you, and your love for her. You joke about her on the outside, yet on the inside, you are deeply hurt by your petty nuisance. A tear runs down your cheek as you write this, as you read this, as you edit this. Sitting in front of this screen reading, writing, listening to your message that is soon to be posted. Again, you are lost. You know what you need, yet it is impossible for you to grasp. You know what you desire, but it is not there for you to obtain. You feel that the only way out, it to be nothing more than a memory... |
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Jun 16, 2005, 05:23 AM
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#2 |
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PAX Tweaker, PAX Expert.
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Somewhere in Wood County Ohio Same Town :)
Posts: 10,247
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Is that a Poem?
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"XTREME AUDIO IS CRAP!" "There no support for it. It's crapist card on face of the earth it should be throw into the sun"  http://valid.canardpc.com/show_oc.php?id=2242746 |
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Jun 16, 2005, 05:26 AM
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Thread Starter
#3
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127.0.0.1
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no, that is me.
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Jun 16, 2005, 05:31 AM
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#4 |
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PAX Tweaker, PAX Expert.
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Somewhere in Wood County Ohio Same Town :)
Posts: 10,247
Rep Power: 193
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Chear up then
 I thought it was poem it sound very good
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"XTREME AUDIO IS CRAP!" "There no support for it. It's crapist card on face of the earth it should be throw into the sun" http://valid.canardpc.com/show_oc.php?id=2242746 |
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Jun 16, 2005, 05:36 AM
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Thread Starter
#5
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127.0.0.1
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no, not a poem. just how i feel ATM....well, past 5 or 6 months or so TBH =\
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Jun 16, 2005, 05:42 AM
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#6 |
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Infinity
Posts: 3,679
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get a grip!
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new sig comming soon 
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Jun 16, 2005, 06:02 AM
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#7 | |
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Old Codger
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: USAFA
Posts: 19,047
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Quote:
remind yourself who and what you have absolute control over and then with grace find the courage to do the things you can.. and the wisdom to know the difference... we are but star dust mate.... we were not born with much and we will leave this world with just as much... live for today..
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"Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."
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Jun 16, 2005, 06:04 AM
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Thread Starter
#8
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127.0.0.1
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Quote:
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Jun 16, 2005, 06:12 AM
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Anti-Piracy Poster Boy
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Sounds like you're in high school. You'll get over it.
__________________
"It is because the resistance to paying for copyrighted material, although often characterized as arising from a supposed technical burden or principled concern for the public interest, arises rather from exactly the same segment of the brain that is dominant in shoplifters." - Mark Helprin, Digital Barbarism In other words, it's never okay to steal even if you think you have a good reason! www.yayitsandrew.com
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Jun 16, 2005, 06:25 AM
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#10 |
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DriverHeaven Winner
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 293
Rep Power: 0 |
Such bliss.
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Last edited by Bruuce; Jun 17, 2005 at 05:05 AM. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 07:00 AM
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#11 | |
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,957
Rep Power: 56
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Quote:
 
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Jun 16, 2005, 07:44 AM
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Thread Starter
#12
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127.0.0.1
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Quote:
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Jun 16, 2005, 08:26 AM
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#13 |
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I Have lovely Breasts
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In the closet...
Posts: 5,395
Rep Power: 62 |
driver heaven...the new blogging community
haha no but seriously I get what you mean. I'm having some similar issues and with my brother gone now I just dont know........
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Jun 16, 2005, 08:29 AM
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DriverHeaven Founder
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,480
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Loss, love, anger, regret. its all such an integral part of life, experiences and growing.
Keep the chin up. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 08:36 AM
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#15 | |
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,957
Rep Power: 56
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Quote:
  
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Jun 16, 2005, 08:53 AM
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Thread Starter
#16
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127.0.0.1
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keep the chin up.....it's all i can do. gotta take it one day at a time i guess. so hard to do....
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:11 AM
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unplugged
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CDsDontBurn
Sounds like a night (or year maybe?) I had when I was 17 yrs old- I am 33 now (in a few weeks)... Go out with your friends. Get drunk. Have fun.. Be a kid- Listen to music, the same songs will sound different, yet comforting. BUT- don't self destruct. Find a new girl... try not to repeat mistakes already made, learn from them. Look forward, don't make the mistake of looking back and losing respect. 20 years from now you will realize you are better off finding out certain things earlier in life, whether you caused the conflict or someone else did, you will be stronger and wiser in the end. Expect to feel this way again, but the next time you will be more prepared- and you may or may not learn new lessons. You teach people how to treat you. Sometimes, they teach you how to treat them, and it isn't always pleasant, sometimes it may even be temporarily devastating... but you will survive, learn, and grow. Growing up sucks kid!! but it's worth it. Just try not to lose perspective in the process, doing that destroys many people.
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Last edited by BWX; Jun 16, 2005 at 09:18 AM. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:20 AM
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Demonic
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I agree completly with BWX here, things can seem very hard at the moment. And the mistakes you've made and the way you feel, i believe we all have experienced in a way. But that's life and it's alot better going through these things at a relative young age and actually learn something from it then doing it when older. The consequences can be alot more serious later on in life.
Cheer up mate! Life goes on, this I promise you.
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:33 AM
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Thread Starter
#19
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127.0.0.1
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Quote:
I have been seeing this new girl for a few weeks already. she is pretty cool. she is older than me though, i do not mind that. she is however going through a divorce and her life is just as messed up as mine, actually, hers is moreso than mine. I see her go through all of the pain she has gone through, and is going through, and see how far along she has come. I admire her for that. But because she is going through what she is going through right now, she is not looking for a relationship, and i understand that. I just don't want to be looking for a relationship and find myself having lost a bunch of time with somebody who is not interested right now. I don't have a whole lot of friends, and getting drunk by yourself is not the funnest way to do so. I like to talk to somebody when i am drinking. It's not fun otherwise. I treat people with respect, and i expect that back. If they do not, then i do not. Mistakes i do learn from. My mistake was one that i will never do again. It saddens me everytime i think of her. All the fun times we had together, everything i did for her, everything she did for me. I wonder how she is doing today. Oh, and Geminiwave.....i don't have a blog thingy, so i don't have anywhere to blog but here .
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:36 AM
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Thread Starter
#20
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127.0.0.1
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Quote:
Is there anything any of you guys have ever wanted out of life other than money (cuz everybody always wants money)? |
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:37 AM
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#21 | |
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Infinity
Posts: 3,679
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
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new sig comming soon
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:39 AM
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#22 | |
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Infinity
Posts: 3,679
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
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new sig comming soon
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:42 AM
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Thread Starter
#23
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127.0.0.1
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Quote:
. thing is i can't right now. i'm broke ATM and i don't want to use up any more gas than i have to.
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Jun 16, 2005, 09:55 AM
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Demonic
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Quote:
And i also know that everything has its time and place, some find their place in life early on, others need more time. Just don't be afraid to live your life, and if you don't feel like the current person you're seeing is the right one. Just relax and see where life brings you. Another important thing is that you have to prioritize yourself, and stop worry what other think you should do. I know that can be very hard but i believe that's essential if yuo like to find true happiness. Did that make any sence at all? Sometimes i can have a hard time translating my thoughts into English..  Mike
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Last edited by Asmoday; Jun 16, 2005 at 10:00 AM. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 10:24 AM
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#25 |
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unplugged
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Yeah money can't buy happiness.. but damn man- with that ride you have you should be able to go attract some chicks.. at least get them looking in your direction. hehehe...
I would try to find a girl with as little baggage as possible. 18 or 19 yr olds are good for that.. Call some old friends up- you need to get out and have some fun man!! When I was your age I was having so much fun I almost didn't live through it. Another thing that isn't so obvious- eat right, exercise.. being healthy physically can have a huge affect on the way you feel mentally, and emotionally.. at least it does for me.
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Jun 16, 2005, 11:08 AM
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#26 |
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HardwareHeaven Senior Member
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Masturbate...a lot.
J/k man :P Anyways, if you want to drink and talk to someone catch me on AIM sometime. My parents are pushing me to get wasted a few times at home before I go out and live on my own. I'll we can chat and get pasted. Also, smoking helps relieve stress, just don't do it too much or you'll get hooked. I recently got hooked on cigs for a movie. Needless to say it took a lot of gum, porn and CS to break that habit. Another idea is to find a hobby that involves friends. My friends and I are making a movie this summer. It'll take time and patience, but it gives us something to do on our days off. Catch me on AIM tomorrow. EDIT What do I want out of life? A girl that I can spend my time with, someone to make me feel vulnerable. I don't want to live my life with nothing to lose ya know? I want to have someone to protect and love. I want to right wrongs that have happened around me. I want to settle old scores with people who have hurt and killed the ones I held close to me. I want to not have to worry about finding a job that pays well, but a job I like. I want to get rid of my grudges and learn to forgive. I want to be remembered after I die. I want all the stories and plots I have in my head be turned into a movie. And finally, I want to have someone that I can teach everything I know to. So all and all, I really want a wife who can be my better half, and a kid that I can raise. That's all. The problem is that I don't know how to find that girl, and I'm too shy to ask for help.
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Last edited by Son_of_Thunder; Jun 16, 2005 at 11:14 AM. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 12:50 PM
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#27 |
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Old Codger
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: USAFA
Posts: 19,047
Rep Power: 206
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THese are some powerful suggestions and perhaps in the context of providing perspective and a comfort zone it may also be useful to consider that just finding a touch stone or a sounding board that you can speak with personally can make the biggest difference to you and give you an outlet.
Just talking to a real person can help...we call it the talking cure, but it works if your a rational person. Hang in there...
__________________
"Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."
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Jun 16, 2005, 01:34 PM
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#28 | |
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Anti-Piracy Poster Boy
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Quote:
__________________
"It is because the resistance to paying for copyrighted material, although often characterized as arising from a supposed technical burden or principled concern for the public interest, arises rather from exactly the same segment of the brain that is dominant in shoplifters." - Mark Helprin, Digital Barbarism In other words, it's never okay to steal even if you think you have a good reason! www.yayitsandrew.com
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:27 PM
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#29 |
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DriverHeaven Founder
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,480
Rep Power: 177 |
"Ramblings of an old fart".
When you are younger, it can be a difficult time to deal with mentally as you are constantly adapting and absorbing information from newspapers, movies, your peers, older more experienced people in work or in your family. Its also a period of time when you are "finding" yourself and trying to perhaps work out who you are and what you are going to do with your life. When you are young and leave school and are getting your first job(s) they are frequently poor as you have to work your way up the scale so to speak. Quite overwhelming, right? A part of this period is finding a happy medium in life. Coming to terms with your failings, who you want to be, the woman you want and dont or cant have, the job you were just turned down for or even the boss you hate. Balancing finances, getting a crappy car because you one you really want costs more than you earn in a year. Not being able to afford a house, living with your parents and finding it harder and harder to deal with their demands on you. Hey im a man now, right? So you find a woman, you think, hell yes, this will make everything right, thats all I need, someone to love me for who I am and not care about all the above. It makes the pain go away, makes life easer to deal with. Hell I may have a crappy job and a car that breaks down on the way to work but im seeing my lady tonight so everything else doesnt matter now or seem that important. Then as you get older and that girl has left you for someone else or the relationship fell apart you realise. Life isnt about trying so hard to make people like you, its not about revolving your life around a woman or another person, its about balance. Moderation. Its about having friends, working hard getting into that good job, getting a decent car, a nice house. Having women friends and someone to call when you need a chat, having a girlfriend who doesnt constantly demand things from you, play mind games or lose her cool when you go out with friends. its having a good loving family. Its about experiencing life, travelling, seeing places, cultures, tasting exotic foods - standing on a foreign beach in a foreign land at sunset and realising how much there is outside your own little shell. Once you comprehend that, then you stop panicing about little insignificant things. This can only come with age. As you get older, you realise that £500,000 sports car doesnt really matter. The Cameron Diaz lookalike you dreamt you would be driving around showing off to your friends in that 500,000 sports car doesnt matter either and neither does working out in a gym 50 hours a week in the effort to get the perfect body. Confidence comes with age, when you reach 30 or a little later, you hopefully realise, life is a ride, so you climb on and make the best of it, while doing so not walking over or hurting people on your way. Enjoy every happy moment and dont analyse everything, just go with the flow, just dont make the mistake of believing that a woman can make it all better. Only you can. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:32 PM
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#30 |
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Old Codger
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: USAFA
Posts: 19,047
Rep Power: 206
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I think the most salient point you made is about friends Allan....
Friendship is the bridge to cross over the turmoil.... Friendship is the lifeboat we need when our ship sinks... As for women....Christ......it is so true.....Lord knows I understand, I have had three wives, and numerous girlfriends, but I have never given up on friendship or love.... and I am much older than any of you...except maybe Dyrestraits...LOL but that is what makes DH so great, lots of blokes here in the same situation....we understand..
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"Inspiration is always a surprising visitor."
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