Esaz666

Several years ago, I changed, in some way it could be said that I was reborn, but not in any physical way, all I can explain it as, is that my whole idea and view of reality was shattered.


Now I do not come from a religious family, in fact it could be said that church was for weddings and funerals only, and even then to be escaped from at all costs. These religious people were not any of our concern. Who were these saints?, people with very vivid imaginations? , people who were that desperate to suppress sex they could see god?.


I was just living my life in an ordinary way but around a year before anything happened, I had a feeling, that something really good was about to happen, something really exiting was about to happen, it was just a feeling, an intuition, but I remember it well, every so often it just came into my head, and I felt a small feeling of joy.


About six months or so after these initial feelings, I started to back away from the life I was following, I call myself a musician, I used to go out a lot, drink alcohol and enjoy the social scene and always just hang around with my friends, but inside I started to notice that what I was doing had not really any meaning to it, I started to back away from the people I was associating with, started to go out less.


After a while I remember watching a program on television, It all was seeming to be a waste of time, these people, what were they all talking about?, it was all so empty, there was nothing there, just shadows, no substance, no reality to the words as far as I could see. And now the news of today , the reader is really serious, it must be true “ over the recent weeks many people were befooled by a great conman, a trickster, he has relieved them of their cash, he told them he was a secret agent, even the police man believed and let him off speeding! “.


Anyway I decided that I was not listening to nonsense anymore, and stopped watching TV, in fact by this time I also had stopped going out , drinking and all kinds of things, there was a kind of shallowness I was feeling about my whole life I was leading, there was something I was missing. I started to stay inside and became quite a hermit, the beard grew and I only really went out when I had to. For a while I did not feel great, life was feeling quite empty, what was this existence for?.


I had been doing this for a while, and had found that more and more, I was coming to terms with myself, I felt like I had been wasting my time, my view of myself was even wrong, I had committed and made many mistakes, was questioning who I was in reality, I felt as if I was dissolving my self, I started to do more meditation,this was all a natural process, i had no aim in mind.



I have always done a certain amount of mediation, just to quiet myself down, it was nothing to do with religion, I just used to do it because it was good relaxation. Sometimes odd things did happen.


Now one night, I had gone to a friends house, I went to help him with his computer, he was a bit older than me and did not find it that easy to get things working, I have always messed about with computers but this night was different.


While I was out I was really happy, It was great to help my friend and I had got everything working and enjoyed the night, listening to some music on his expensive stereo, but oh dear, something was coming…


He dropped me off home, I walked down the drive and went inside, I looked around and felt like something was wrong, I had this great feeling of unease, a feeling of great darkness and awe had just washed over me, it was like something just terrible was about to happen. I couldn’t shake this feeling, all around me was a great pressure, it felt as if the whole of existence was pressing in, I was scared.


I was trying to get this great overwhelming feeling out of my mind, I really needed to be distracted, so I put the TV on, and was sat watching it, it was a programme about September the 11th, great I thought , this is all I need, feeling terrible and now a depressing programme to watch, but I just sat there. Unable to move , this feeling became more and more powerful and the programme was making it worse, well done Einstein.


I felt terrible, I just went to bed ,as I drifted off in to sleep, I was dreaming..

There were these bars of light, I was in control of this white bar, it was like a sword, but made of light, ` a light sabre!`, it would have been great but even through I was dreaming I still felt awful. I was holding off all this pressure with this white bar, the pressure was another kind of bar, smashing and pressing against mine, this was going on for a great deal of time, if there is such a thing as time while you are dreaming. It felt like forever.


I awoke and was sweating , and the pressure was still there, I couldn’t make it stop I was exhausted, what was happening was I dieing?, having a breakdown?, it all got too much I couldn’t think what to do, it was the middle of the night and I was in trouble.


Now I never use to pray, I thought it was a waste of energy, who was going to hear my prayer, the beardy man in the clouds?, the gods who reside in the Himalayas?, I thought these were foolish idea’s , from people who had been locked away too long in monasteries, mental asylum or even caves. It is perfectly intelligent to imagine that someone who was stuck inside with no stimulus would eventually imagine his god, if at least to stop him/her getting bored to death.


I preyed ‘God stop it, get your foot off me I am being squashed!` .I tried harder because I could not withstand this pressure any longer, I was at breaking point, I put all my emotions into asking for help because I really needed it, there was no escape route, nowhere else to turn.` please lord help me,` I begged for help.


I opened my eyes , the pressure was gone, thank god for that I thought, anyway what was I doing praying?, I felt such a release but as I looked around me all I could feel was love .A sudden overwhelming feeling of love, such as cannot be fit inside words, I remember thinking ` why am I so loved?, I’m so imperfect, so worthless and unworthy ` but this love was around me and inside me.


I felt completely still, at complete peace, I was kneeling on the floor , all around me stillness, calm. I became aware of seeing myself from the point of view of this loving consciousness, because that’s what I was enclosed within.


This consciousness was part of me, but also separate, I could see myself, feel my self, but also what was around me, as my thoughts faded, my awareness was taken to be outside of my body, I was seeing myself , but also all my surroundings , I could feel my surroundings , in seconds I could also see the whole planet, from the point of view of the loving consciousness that we are all within.


From my beyond ness, not only could I see the whole earth and everything on it, I could see myself, I was the smallest particle of nothingness, smaller than an ant, smaller than a pinhead. Why am I so loved by existence?, such a lowly small thing.


Now I also took my view further outward, I could see all the stars and other places, but not only could I see, I could also feel where they were and where I was, in space, in context. I could also see all the other people and feel them, they were all part of this unity, a single conscious whole, but separate.


I did not really want anything to happen, I was not ready for all this, I was here , in this position, I could have had anything I wished to be answered, answered, but I didn’t really know what to ask, I didn’t even need to, I was in a kind of communication, I just said I only want a normal life, just to be well and happy, I don’t want anything special for myself. I felt as if what had happened was going to happen to me no matter what I had done, it seemed to be coming from my past actions and future all at the same time, I just became at that moment fully aware.


After a time I just snapped out of the experience I was having and went back to bed, but I could still feel the love around me, I could feel it stronger at sometimes more than others, I started to meditate more and go out for long walks into nature, it was a great time, I felt really connected.


I used to have a scar on my retina from an old road accident, a few days later it just popped into my head, that the scar was gone, and I looked in the mirror and it was, other things happened, but gradually I returned to living in a normal way again.


For the next six months or so, every so often at night I was feeling this force reconnecting with me and giving me healing, when I went out for walks I could feel certain places I meditated had a stronger connection with it, I felt I understood why churches would be placed in certain locations.


I tried to go to Buddhist mediation, to get some answers for what had been happening to me, when in meditation I was in connection, but they could not explain, it was good and I enjoyed it over the weeks, I also went to church for about a year, but they could not either, and I felt silly singing the songs at first but I did enjoy that too. I would never had dreamed I would end up going to a church on purpose, help I’ve come to church by accident!...


I have become a completely changed person from the point of my experience, I understand that we are part of the same unity and that it is pointless to try and take anything away from anyone else, in words or otherwise. We all live together in this existence, we all have our part in it, let the beggar be the beggar , the politician be the politician , we are all we can be within our limits.


We can philosophise all we want, about god , who or what , where , how , it is pointless to say that another persons culture or view of life is wrong, the real reason religion exists is to help people evolve, we are not talking pseudo religion here `politics`. It is our responsibility to change and evolve, we do this by positive action. Not just sat reading books, they are just the pointers. But there must be a mechanism to follow, our religions are that, just a view of god distorted through the people’s view of reality, or unreality.






D.white
04.12.2008

SFOSOK

( Buzzer ) Eh....wrong

Good try though.

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*Warning* - Explicit Content Preceeding



METAL!!

Tyrsonswood

Nobody KNOWS anything about this stuff ........ how can you judge it as wrong SFOSOK? Maybe it doesn't work for you...... that doesn't make it wrong.


Great post Esaz666, thanks!

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Esaz666

heh , i just felt the need to write about this stuff,
its almost impossible to explain fully what i mean to say,
i don't need anyone to understand or even believe,
its just an experience of a certain time of my life.I don't mean
to say that this is truth , its just something that happened to me,
it doesn't fit in with any kind of logic or anything

it could be called a psychosis by some, others a religious
experience, there is nothing special about me i am just open.

CDsDontBurn

that's some deep insight.

they say that those who are not religious will become religious at their lowest point in life. but, you didn't seem to be at a low point in your life when you had that vision/dream though...

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Falstaff

prayer is the last refuge of the scoundrel

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Esaz666

(heh) prayer is meaningless if not aligned with an open alert mind.
its a way of focusing your mind on a better outcome,
there is no problem if you are an atheist, you could still pray -
its better than worrying. just focusing on a possible good outcome
would make you more likely to make a better choice in some situations.

it doesn't matter what you believe, belief is just the words we tell ourselves,
our view of the reality we live within, thank you for reading my post anyway, i feel good that i have had the chance to share this.

Falstaff

I have always believed in Karma
since I was a boy
you make your Karma
or it makes you.

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[hobo]eclipse

Falstaff

This term signifies an attempt to find the god within and without and battle negativity.
New Age Glossary - 4Truth.net

A specific way of living some particular aspect of the Gospel.
Glossary - Holy Family of Bordeaux

This is generally understood to refer to the path of awareness. Unfortunately, however, this term usually refers to a realm which is outside. For example, “spiritual” has been divided from “physical.” Yet in authentic awareness, there can be no such division.Back to Top
www.ishvara.org/Pages/glossary.html

that personal function which relates my life's meaning to transpersonal reality. [Spirituality is subjective, and is not necessarily defined by association with a certain tradition or by organizational affiliation.]
home.earthlink.net/~dbscr/glossconsc.htm

Buddhism,;Cross-denominational terms; Eastern Orthodoxy; Evangelical; Hinduism; Islam; Jehovah's Witness; Judaism; Kwanzaa; LDS (Mormon); Lutheranism; Miscellaneous terms; Native American spirituality; Religions and denominations; Roman Catholicism and Episcopalianism; Wicca; Worldwide Church of ...
Signs for technical/specialized vocabulary - A

a sense of meaning and purpose, a sense of self and of relationship with 'that which is greater than self', and also practices such as ...
Tetradian glossary

Spirituality is the spirit in which we live our lives. Spirituality is the particular emphasis we give the Gospel of Jesus which is the source of ...
Congregation of the Sacred Hearts

A way of living that emphasises a constant awareness of the spiritual dimension of nature, without any acknowledgement of a contractual relationship between the material world and the spiritual. Neopagan religions generally will not worship, but stress spirituality. ...
Uppsala - Glossary of Norse Terms

An inner sense of something greater than oneself. Recognition of a meaning to existence that transcends one's immediate circumstances.
Perspectives glossary

(SPIR-ih-choo-A-lih-tee) Having to do with deep, often religious, feelings and beliefs, including a person’s sense of peace, purpose, connection to others, and beliefs about the meaning of life.
e Cancer Awareness .com - Cancer Glossary

a conscious, dynamic, progressive, and integrative process in which human individuals and/or societies achieve their fullest potential in a condition of unity. ...
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the experience of meaning and unity.
wps.prenhall.com/chet_spector_cultural_6/10/2795/715705.cw/index.html

Calcite, Diamond, Lepidolite, Sphene, Sugilite
SHOPRG.COM

spiritualty: property or income owned by a church
concern with things of the spirit


Spirituality, in a narrow sense, concerns itself with matters of the spirit. Spiritual matters are those involving humankind's ultimate nature, not only as material biological organisms, but as beings with a unique relationship to that which is beyond both time and the material world. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirituality

Spirituality is the nameless brother of Eris and Aneris from Discordian mythology. When his sisters complained to their father Void that he had forgotten his first-born, Void then declared that Spirituality was to reside with Aneris in non-being for a time, after which he would go to Eris in ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirituality (Discordianism)

Concern for that which is unseen and intangible, as opposed to physical or mundane; Appreciation for religious values
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/spirituality

is, in a narrow sense, a concern with matters of the spirit, however that may be defined; but it is also a wide term with many available readings. ...
Spirituality: Encyclopedia - Spirituality

A sense of self and awareness beyond the flesh - Jeff Fallang

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Esaz666

thank you for your lovely comments and that stuff looks really interesting,
i have done a lot of reading and stuff , always interested in more and other viewpoints , it is a good thing to not get too stuck into one religion or idea of the world, as long as i can keep learning i am a very happy man! and thanks again for being so helpful.

I have had lots of things happen ,
karma has always been a reality in my life,
it doesn't even need to work in any kind of mysterious way,
if we go around causing damage to people,
then that will eventually catch up and damage us,
when they return the gift we have given.