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Saturday | October 20, 2018
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Fat Princess (PS3)

Fat Princess (PS3)


For the last 3 days I have been playing with fat chicks online. Thats a hell of an opening line isn’t it? Let me elaborate! Developer Titan Studios have released a downloadable game which is already attracting a growing online base – in which you have to kidnap overweight princesses and place them in your castle.

Fat Princess is a game that is built for 32 player online action and there are many modes to squeeze out longevity. The core of the game revolves around Team A kidnapping a princess while Team B defend her, and vice versa. It is not quite as simple as that however as you can feed your princess to make her fatter and more difficult to move. Playing the main mode of Rescue The Princess means you have to head to the opposing castle and lift her oversized ass over to her own (your) castle. If you manage to keep her in your own castle and steal the opposing teams princess for a while then you win the game.

It sounds quite easy in theory and thats the reason it is so much fun, the mechanics of the game are based around a single goal which means you spend all your time not learning the rules, but trying to pound the other team into the ground while kipnapping their leader. The environments are based around a total of eight maps and within each castle there are five machines which spew out headgear that means you change into a specific class of character comprising – warrior, ranger, worker, mage and priest. All of these characters offer different tactics of play and attacks that you can use to maim the enemy in a variety of ways. Surprisingly many of you might have seen screenshots, but what you will not realise is that this game is gory! Heads will fly, blood will splatter everywhere and organs will litter the ground. Yum.

As you go to rescue your princess you have to deal with the enemy in any way you can. Dark Priests can drain lifeforce, rangers have long range attacks such as gun fire and Mages can freeze anyone in their path (a favourite of mine). While you are outside in the midst of combat certain players will be inside the castle feeding the princess all sorts of delicious treats to make her fatter. The heavier, the more difficult she is to raise and if the guys carrying her are lifting more weight then they move slower and are easier to kill. I have never heard of a game forcefeeding delicacies to a royal family member to win, but hey special bonus points for Titan Studios for coming up with such a ludicrous idea!

So far it might seem underwhelming and yet if you pass on this PS3 store game then you will surely be missing the multiplayer game of the year. Quite why it works is based on the simplistic nature of the concept but also is due to the depth and variety of gameplay on offer if you look harder. When you start a game the castle doesn’t have a door for example to keep out the enemy soldiers and all the headwear machines need upgraded. Additionally other weapons such as catapults need work to get them operating. This is where the worker is important – he is the dude who gets all these things working at full speed which means the other character classes get backup and a means of defense. Underestimate the worker at your peril! The worker heads out to the trees to get wood and to the rocks to get metal before he can place the materials at outposts or the main castle. All of these items are tracked on the user display on screen and the icons on the worker hat show you how much of each resource you need to acquire to upgrade the machines, build the doors, or fix the catapult.

Many a time in online games playing a supportive and somewhat secondary role means that the players end up getting the short straw in terms of rewards and points but Fat Princess gives just as much reward to the workers than to the mages at the front in the heat of battle. You get 10 points for chopping down a tree and 10 more for dropping the raw materials at an outpost and a fighter will get 10 points for taking out an enemy. The mage gets points for freezing foes, the priest gets points for healing team mates and its all very well balanced to reward all players and all game styles.

The game has additional depth, in that you can blow up sections of the opposing castle (which means enemy workers need to fix them) and you can make use of shortcuts to sneak around the maps to get alternate entrances into the enemy castle.

Playing online is simply brilliant because every character fits into the game like a piece of a puzzle and all of them can cause chaos in their own way. A worker for instance can get upgrades to throw bombs or hurl explosives at other soldiers – equally so he is the one who can build ladders to get quick access to the castles. Many new players to the game forget about the workers, thinking they are just harvesting wood or metal only to realise that they have broken down the castle and are making off with the porky princess!

Equally as important are priests, who if used in conjunction with a mage or warrior can offer on the fly health bonuses to make the battles last longer. A warrior and mage with support of a priest will be able to take out many teams on the other side if they forget about the priest class.

The game humour is also apparent and littered throughout the menus – a section called “Why I’m Awesome” lies just off the main menu and contains 16 pages of personal statistics such as the number of specific character class players you have killed, how many times you have rescued the princess and how many times you have killed a chicken(!). The statistics pages are home to so much information it is almost possible to just melt your brain taking it all in. Playing well in the game means you can unlock various hair styles, skin colours, beards and these are usable in the “Get Fabulous” part of the menu system. Sadly however the game is very poor at explaining how you go about unlocking missing items and it ends up guesswork on your part.

As you play you also get titles under your user name which can range from squire to corporal etc. These change in the middle of matches but there is no indication it has happened so you will be looking up at the screen and noticing you have progressed upwards with no idea when it happened. A little fanfare noise or some onscreen indication would have been a nice touch to get players more keyed into the fact they had moved up a ladder of classifications. Strangely it is also possible to move back to older, lower grade user titles, and the whole thing is not sufficiently documented to be useful.

Stability seems to be fine to this point however I am reading issues of people being unable to connect to matches during certain time periods and it seems that there might be a little room to fine tune this experience, server side. Titan said they are looking into the lag and connection issues, so hopefully this will improve in the not too distant future.

The environments are impressive and diverse and I am positive that almost everyone will have a favourite they like to play – from the moving lava ‘Deep Fried’ map to the pirate ships of ‘Sugar Cove’ there is something for everyone. ‘Rocky Road’ is one of my favourites.

All of these maps are open to the other modes which are, once again, quite diverse in nature. Team Deathmatch is pretty standardised and needs no explanation and ‘Snatch n Grab’ requires a team to kidnap the opposing princess and get her to the dungeon three times. Invasion is a control map with the goal being 50% or more for a specific duration of time. A bonus mode is ‘Soccer’ which is a weird and wacky counterpart to the real thing. The red and blue team play against each other on a green field and kick a ball around with the hope of hitting it into the opposing net. Soccer is given the special FP treatment however and you have access to all the headwear which means there is a lot of decapitation and guts staining the ground.

If multiplayer isn’t your thing then there is a single player mode called ‘Legend of the Fat Princess’ which details each of the games modes and the tale of the princesses who couldn’t stop eating cake. There are seven chapters in total, but its a short experience and really only serves as a tutorial mode to get the player aware of all the multiplayer modes. Thankfully the developers are aware this single player mode is rather skin deep and they offer another mode called “Gladiate” which as expected pits a single player in a gladiator arena against wave and wave of enemy. The task is to last as long as possible and kill as many foes as you can. Its another nice addition but really the game is focused and built for online multiplayer mayhem.

Graphically the game is surprisingly effective, even though the cartoony graphics will immediately mean many gamers will dismiss this out of hand. It is a shame because Fat Princess offers a variety of modes and online action which will appeal to many people. Its funny, addictive and best of all, its only $15.


Intense, funny and massively addictive.
Gory and cute at the same time.
A funny voiceover from a British actor and lots of snippets in game.
A few beers and a packet of nuts – costs about the same.

Have you a net connection and a PS3? then get it.

About Author

Stuart Davidson

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