Death, fascinating

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Aug 25, 2018.

  1. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    My father died a couple of days ago and while not entirely out of the blue, it was certainly not expected or so soon either.
    I am not going to write about him or anything like that.
    Just about one aspect of the whole thing.
    It's not the first close person to me to have died, but it is the closest one.
    The mixed emotions about the whole affair...I find them interesting and the whole new-ish way of thinking about life/death, fascinating.
    Feelings and thoughts about how, at the same time, it all makes sense from both a scientific thinking and spiritual/religious.
    It's too complicated and mixed in my mind to come to any conclusions, but it is as I said, fascinating.
    Two of the things I find interesting and I am going to mention them.

    1) The complete lack of desire to cry. This is nothing new, but I expected to cry even a bit because of how close this human was to me.

    2) I've heard stories from others (non Atheists) losing people so close to them and they usually, at some point and some level, have thoughts that tend to go to two directions. Either complete acceptance (God's plan and all) or anger towards God. I have neither. God as being active part of his death, just doesn't come to my mind unless I make an effort to think if I want to think about this. I hope I make sense.

    Fascinating.

    Edit: Just to clarify, it's not that I don't feel sadness and depressed about it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2018
  2. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    My sincere condolences, Trusteft. Everyone mourns differently. When I lost my grandparents, I don't think that I cried either. Now, if I sit and think about them, I might get misty eyed.

    Death is fascinating. Science, philosophy, religion, art... all forms of human endeavour have dealt with it. On my part, it may sound dumb, but I mostly steer clear of the great philosophical questions of life (not just death). I've found that thinking about those makes me neither wiser nor happier.
     
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  3. MIG-31

    MIG-31 HardwareHeaven News Mod Staff Member

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    My sincere condolences, Trusteft. It is not easy to get to grasps with emotions with someone who is close to you..

    I lost my Grandad who were 79, ( I were three at the time) I'm now 45, so in reality I only known him by Photos. I lost my grandmother who were also 79 at the time.. (I were Eleven at the time) Both were the Parents of my Mother. Never knew my Grandparents on my Fathers side.

    On the 3rd of July 2016 I lost my Mother at the age of 79 and she were born on the 4th of July, (There seems to be a little theme with the ages) and she were very close to me.. And It took me about a year at least to come to terms that she past on.. And it were not old age or natural causes that she lost her life. She died via Sepsis, So it were difficult as I think if it were not for that she would still be here today..

    Everyone takes a loss in different ways, But I will say a couple of days is to early to know how the feelings my take part.. Only time will tell.

    All the best wishes.
     
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  4. Calliers

    Calliers HH's MC Staff Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that Trusteft. You might just still be in a state of shock and haven't yet come to terms with the fact he is gone. I'll keep you in my prayers.
     
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  5. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    My condolences...
     
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  6. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids and 1 Great-grandson!

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    Please, accept my own condolences on the loss of your father. At my age (soon to be 70) I've lost several people who were very close to me. Each one's passing seemed to have a different affect on me. But, the one that seems to linger the longest is the passing of my step-father. I think it's due to the fact that he actually CHOSE to be our "daddy" (there were three of us kids, I'm the oldest) and our love and appreciation for him grew stronger as we got older. Even today, 17 years after his passing, when I pause to consider all he did for us and how much he cared for us, I get emotional.

    Cherish your memories of your father.
     
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  7. ET3D

    ET3D Hopeless Dreamer

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    Sorry to hear this (and apologies for being late to say this).

    My father died a year ago. It was sudden and I did cry. But then, I'm a cry baby. Also my wife and kids cried around me, which is contagious. I still get teary eyed occasionally.
     
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  8. Mr Cairo

    Mr Cairo Require backup .... NO

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    My thoughts are with you Trusteft, The loss of a parent is an extremely difficult thing to process, I lost my Dad very young I was 10 he was only 55 and like you I didnt cry when I heard (that came later) but it did come, even now 40 years on I can be doing something so mundane a task i have done a thousand times since his death and suddenly he is in my mind and I feel emotions I thought were long buried.

    My mum also passed young and that loss was also something I didn't process until months later the grief was just not there at the start.

    Everyone will deal with it differently but there will come time when the emotion will hit it might be some gentle weeping or a torrent of tears but it does come.
     
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  9. Judas

    Judas Obvious Closet Brony Pony

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    I think it's more to do with actual acknowledgement of the fact it's going to happen. I'll likely be unaffected by my father or mother or even other siblings passing eventually because that IS going to happen and it could happen at any time. I think most people simply refuse to accept that fact or even consider it's potential prior to it happening and are more in shock at the very moment and afterwards than they are anything else, somewhat akin to someone expecting due to either pure blissful ignorance or ignoring the fact of whatever it may be, to pay a couple bucks for something they have no choice to get/be done only to receive the bill and see a hell of a lot of extra digits most likely what they can't afford, that initial impact to scale wouldn't be too far off i think.

    This impact of it is lessen'd significantly more, at least it should be if the individual has already had a fairly lengthly lifespan well within the average, or they happen to fall within the range of years that are prone to being the highest risk of death, like men between i think it's ages 48 to 53 and then again between 59 and 65 (these numbers are always shifting around a bit), while unfortunate, it shouldn't be much of a surprise, specially if the individual is unhealthy or has made some clearly obvious poor life choices likely contributing in the longer term to their eventual inevitable demise.

    I was completely unaffected by my grand parents deaths, in fact i'd say it was actually for the better so if anything it was applaudable. My first grandparent was my father's side grandmother, whom had severe dementia and Alzheimer, she wasn't very happy where she was and frankly most of the time didn't know where she was anyways. Eventually at the age of 93 i believe, she ended up with being rushed to the emergency room with her daughter (my aunt) riding along and she was struggling, however during the trip, she simply stated that "she's ok, it's finally time" and no longer even attempted to survive, as she would occasionally have these brief moments of pure clarity and know precisely where she was and what was happening and even saying my aunt's (her daughters) name made that obvious she had fully recalled whom she was and what was happening and made the decision to essentially die there and then. This occured roughly a week a bit prior to my birthday.

    My grandfather on my fathers side, the one in which I and him were born on the same day 70 years apart, while at my grandmother's funeral exactly one week from our birthdays, stated that he would NOT be having another birthday, once she was gone (even though they hadn't been living together for several years and were actually prevented from seeing each other) made the choice to die soon, he stopped bothering with doing really anything to stay alive and the night before our birthday, passed away as well.

    Both funerals had no impact on me at all, not even a seconds thoughts, in fact most of my family except for my youngest sister laughed most of the funeral.

    My mother's side, grandmother, she fell apart shortly after the shock of the farm selling for no apparent reason, we think she had a serious stroke and then suffered for about 6 or 7 years before passing in her sleep. Again no real impact, and my last grandfather is i think 97 years old now and still healthier than most 50 or 60 year olds. He actually can't wait to die, it's kind of funny really.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2018
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