Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?

    And more importantly, where is my hamster?
     
  2. Calliers

    Calliers HH's MC Staff Member

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    Hey Craig, whats up homie. :D
     
  3. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    Wow, it took me 10 seconds to get the joke. I thought it was two separate jokes and was thinking, they do not make sense. BUT, combine them and you have a jewel! :)
     
  4. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids and 1 Great-grandson!

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    A carpet layer had just finished laying new carpet in an older home and decided to step outside for a smoke. When he reached for his pack of cigarettes, he noticed they were missing.

    So, he went back inside and, right away, noticed a hump in the middle of the living room carpet.

    Thinking to himself, he said, "I'm not pulling up carpet just for a few cigarettes" and proceeded to take his hammer and smash the area flat.

    After doing so, he got up and was about to leave when the lady of the house walked in and handed him his pack of cigarettes.

    "I found these in a back bedroom," she said. "But, have you seen my daughter's pet gerbil?"
     
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  5. Calliers

    Calliers HH's MC Staff Member

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    Rest in pepperonis.
     
  6. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids and 1 Great-grandson!

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    Awhile back the Pope visited Israel. He was with a Muslim Amin and a Jewish Rabbi.

    But, the big question is:

    Did anyone see them walk into a bar together? ;)
     
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  7. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    What's the best thing about Switzerland?

    I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
     
  8. Calliers

    Calliers HH's MC Staff Member

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    Children look under their beds for monsters... Monsters look under their bed for Doom Guy.
     
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  9. Calliers

    Calliers HH's MC Staff Member

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    What did two skunks say on a pew in a church?

    "Let's spray!!!"
     
  10. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    Why do you think they call them pews?
     
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  11. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids and 1 Great-grandson!

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    Where did Pew come from?
    The word came about from Middle English. The word Pew is derived from 'puwe' , tracing back to the old french word 'puie' and the latin 'podia' meaning balcony .The word is referring to the bench that is used to sit in the balcony.
     
  12. Calliers

    Calliers HH's MC Staff Member

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    What do you call an armless and legless guy in a pool?

    Bob.
     
  13. MIG-31

    MIG-31 HardwareHeaven News Mod Staff Member

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    Not mine, but this is from a post on my facebook..

    A message to all you men out there that have neglected your other halves whilst the footballs been on...pull her close...hold her tight and whisper those three special little words she needs to hear........
    “It's coming home" [​IMG]:p x
     
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  14. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids and 1 Great-grandson!

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    A young father enjoyed singing his two young sons to sleep each night. UNTIL, one night, he overheard the 4-year old tell the 3-year old, "If you pretend to be asleep, he stops."
     
  15. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Hello, is that the alcoholics' hotline?
    - Yes, how can I help you?
    - Does ice go with cognac?
     
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  16. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids and 1 Great-grandson!

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    What did the trash compactor say to the garbage?

    "I've got a crush on you."
     
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  17. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    - Hey mate, what you're doing?
    - Currently, I'm smelling one girl's hair, while another is stomping me with her heel.
    - Alright, give me a call when you get off the bus.
     
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