Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -1 Great-grandson-and one in the oven

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    I have one. Nine rounds. :)
     
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  2. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    When somebody really pisses you off, start counting to ten. Then punch 'em on four, nobody sees that coming!
     
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  3. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Is it worse to be ignorant or uninterested?

    I don't know and I don't care!
     
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  4. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    Meh.
     
  5. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    btw that was a joke.
     
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  6. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    Okay... Now this is funny.
     
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  7. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -1 Great-grandson-and one in the oven

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    A man was watching the evening news when they announced a wrong way driver on the local Interstate.
    Knowing his wife was on the road, he called her.
    "Honey, be careful! There's an idiot driving the wrong way on the Interstate," he told her.
    She replied, "It's not just one! It's everyone!"
     
  8. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Judge to the accused: "Why did you rob the bank?"
    "Well, Your Honor, it started first!"
     
  9. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -1 Great-grandson-and one in the oven

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    The huge backlog in the doctor’s waiting room was taking its toll. Patients were glancing at their watches and getting restless.
    Finally, one man walked to the receptionist’s station and tapped on the glass.
    She slid the window back, saying, “Sir, you’ll have to wait your turn.”

    “I just had a question,” he said dryly, “Is Donald Trump still President? "
     
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  10. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -1 Great-grandson-and one in the oven

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    [​IMG]
    Ray and Bob, two government maintenance guys were standing at the base of a flagpole looking up.

    A woman walks by and asked what they are doing.

    “We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole” said Bob, “But we don’t have a ladder.”

    The woman said, “Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox.”

    She loosened a few bolts and then laid the flagpole down.

    She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced, “Eighteen feet and three inches” and walked away.

    Ray shook his head and laughed, “Well ain’t that just like a ‘Miss-know-it-all’ woman?” he said, “We need the height and she gives us the length!”

    Ray and Bob are still working for the government.

    But now they’re congressmen.
     
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  11. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    [talking on the phone] - Hello, is that the IRS?
    - No sir, this is the DMV.
    - Oh, that's okay, fuck you too!
     
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  12. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -1 Great-grandson-and one in the oven

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  13. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Marital arguments are like concerts: the first ones on the repertoire are the new things and later it's the greatest hits.
     
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  14. Mr Cairo

    Mr Cairo Require backup .... NO

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    Viagra it wont make you 007 but it will make you Roger Moore
     
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  15. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -1 Great-grandson-and one in the oven

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    The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar.

    It was Tense.
     
  16. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Two neighbours talking:
    - What was that noise?!
    - My wife crashed the car into the garage wall.
    - Oh my! Is she hurt?!
    - Not yet, she's locked herself in the bathroom.
     
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  17. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    I don't get it.
     
  18. MIG-31

    MIG-31 HardwareHeaven News Mod Staff Member

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    It means the Husband may cause some harm to the wife when she leaves the bathroom.
     
  19. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    I get that. What I don't get is how it is possible. The question by the visitor was asked as the sound/damage was done. There was no way the wife would manage to lock herself in the bathroom by the time the question was asked.
     
  20. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    Guess this would fix the problem ..... "What was that noise earlier?!"


    which is the way I perceived the joke in the first place, but that's just me...
     
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