Very short jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Trusteft, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Recent studies have shown that women with a few extra pounds tend to live longer than the men who point that out.
     
  2. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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  3. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    A nurse calling the next patient at a doctor's office:
    - Due to the new identity protection regulations, we are no longer allowed to call you by name, so may the old lady with hemorrhoids please come in.
     
  4. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    Priceless advice: Do not ever say to a lady: "You look like you're eating well." ;)
     
  5. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood HH's curmudgeon

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    That or "When's it due?" when she's not actually pregnant.
     
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  6. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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  7. craig5320

    craig5320 Well-Known Member

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    My resolution was to read more ...
    ... so I put the subtitles on my TV.
     
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  8. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    Hello, police? I'm afraid something terrible has happened, my wife went out to buy bread yesterday and she hasn't returned!
    - All right sir, take it easy, calm down...
    - Calm down? How do you mean calm down, I'm hungry!
     
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  9. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    Family's dog died. Young son was heart-broken.
    Mom tried to console him with, "It's not your fault that Rover died."
    He wouldn't have any of that!
    Dad tried with, "You know, Rover is probably up in Heaven right now with God."
    To that, the young son, looking totally puzzled, replied, "Why would God want with a dead dog?"
     
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  10. Calliers

    Calliers Just got off the hedonic treadmill... Staff Member

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    Three dead men go to hell at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can't do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hell. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hell. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Satan which hole the fart came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Mexican turns around, points at his butt hole, and says, "Nope, this one."
     
  11. Dyre Straits

    Dyre Straits 10 Grandkids -2 Great-grandsons

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    I read today that Chuck Norris turned 80!

    A few years ago a story came to mind:

    Chuck Norris was walking down the streets of Decatur, near Atlanta, GA, when someone tried to mug him.

    He slammed that sucker so hard to the ground that a piece of granite popped up out of the ground nearby.

    Today, we call it, "Stone Mountain."
     
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  12. clubrope

    clubrope Active Member

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  13. IvanV

    IvanV HH Assassin Guild Member

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    I've seen all the episodes of Pornhub, does anyone know when will the season 2 come out?
     
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  14. Trusteft

    Trusteft HH's Asteroids' Dominator

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    I know this is not the point, but between you and me, and the internet, I never watch pornhub. I prefer other options, which I will not mention just in case.
     

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